Thought I said it all

When the tears started to fall away and there wasn’t anymore conversations between us. I knew there was nothing else left to break that wasn’t already broken; yet here we are staring into space with every inch of silence between us, yet here I’ve been standing here for days and days.

Thinking I had said it all with nothing else to say to you that matters. Haven’t we heard enough? Me running away from everything was the easiest thing for us as I said it all to you how I feel about you; there’s nothing else for me to say at all to change how I felt you keep on saying “doesn’t matter anymore with your past. I’m here now...please stop running”

In the sudden light of the new day; the weight of expectations that I had of what I wanted in life had disappeared, the pain and the hurt had to started to fade in the background as we started to find a new direction together because we been talking here for days and days. Fighting my demons together until one day was the day that I had someone come to the front door.

I knew then. I knew that all of the miles of words we’ve spoken each second, each minute, each half an hour etc of the days gone past had got away from the last breathe of my soul like it was your last breathe and we didn’t take the time to say them all?

Tell me it hasn’t been 24 days nor almost a year since yesterday that I lost you; part of me due to the freak accident that I lost you too, thought that I was finding myself getting the strength to carry on without you and I knew there’s no point of getting over you tonight. I’ve tried to make the best of it without you. I knew you wanted me to get on with my life like you wanted me too be happy. I almost felt like I was moving on.

Until I started to slip back into my poor mental state. I can still feel you’re ghost walking through the walls with the thought of me saying “what’s the wall done to you?” I can still smell your scent drifting through the place; I can still hear you calling every night being cheeky, trying to putting a smile on my face and lately I’ve been loosing sleep as I don’t have you anymore once again.

I can still feel you’re ghost next to me at night and I hope you’re happy now but I have to let you go in the morning because I know that you would want me to get on with my life but I wish you were here.

“All things will pass” I know that because you told me that as I know that you’re okay with me to do that before you past away. I’m trying to get on with it honestly because I watched the stars flying past knowing that it’s you letting me know it’s okay. It’s bringing me back to reality. I really don’t even know what day it is no more; it never seems to be the way it is no more but I think I’m getting better now, that I’m happy with my life now and I know that you are okay.

Every now and then I turn around I get a bit lonely. I turn around thinking that you’re coming round. Forgetting that you’re not here anymore; I get a little bit tired of listening to the sound of my tears because I get a little bit nervous with a new partner, and he’s been brilliant knowing what had happened to you.

All that the best of all the years have gone by knowing that you were next to him giving him guidance too. Even every now and then I get a bit terrified I look into his calm eyes I start to fall apart or get bit restless I dream something wild; I get a little bit restless with myself I’m lying in bed like a child having his arms around me like you use to reassuring me.

I get a little bit angry with the frustration of my own I know I’ve got to get it out one way or another and just cry to realise the ache and pains that I’m dealing with at the time. I know that you’re okay now and want me to be happy.