This Could Be Why You're Experiencing a Mid-Life Crisis

The typical "middle-age crisis" has never been out of fashion.

In fact, it now has a companion – the quarter-life crisis.

And, after two years of a global epidemic, many people believe that life is nothing but a series of crises.

When people express feeling "stuck" at a certain stage of life, the phrase "life crisis" is commonly used in counseling.

People who are stuck sometimes show a tremendous wish to alter their circumstances, such as quitting their job or ending a relationship. Get a tattoo, move to a new city, have an affair, purchase a new gadget. "Do you believe I'm having a mid/quarter life crisis?" they'll question as they come to a standstill.

"Of course, you are," I'll answer, "and that's a good thing."

Up to a point, that is.

There's a lot of it these days...

One of my clients mistook his partner's mid-life crisis for a mid-life crisis.

She desired "more" than she possessed (which, from his perspective, was him). She'd acquired a tattoo and a few more piercings, and she'd switched careers. But she was still tense, "itchy" for more, he continued.

He admitted that the change in her was difficult to bear. But what he was truly dealing with was the fact that she'd reopened a childhood wound in him: the feeling that he wasn't good enough.

He seemed to be taking it personally — but was it? Was it her displeasure with him, or something else entirely?

It's difficult to know without seeing into someone's mind and heart. And she wasn't one of my clients. You can't diagnose or even completely comprehend someone based on their partner's report.

But, like many therapists, I've seen a lot of this life phase angst, a desire for more — or something different — than what you now have. Especially now that COVID has done everything it can to sabotage our novelty and entertainment possibilities. It's been over a year. Sigh. Is it possible to come up with a fresh variation?

It's just how things are...

But.

We are faced with the truth of ourselves and our situations as we approach middle age. A major relationship breakdown, a job loss, or the death of a loved one are all examples of how life may hit you hard. Is this it? says the narrator on occasion. Is this the sum of MY existence?

It's a good idea to ask yourself this question. It's a good idea to try to mold your life into the form you want it to be, knowing that not everything will be (or be) under your control.

It's not healthy, though, when it makes you want to toss aside wonderful things and people - including stability — merely to be different. I've seen a lot of individuals use this strategy, and it almost always backfires. It's tough enough to leave a mark on your teeth.

So, if you're going through a life phase "crisis," here are some things to consider. BEFORE you throw your life into disarray to the point of no return.

It's natural and good to desire to switch things up now and again. Continuing to invest in your life and doing all you can to make it enjoyable is healthy. "Excitement is the more practical synonym for happiness," argues entrepreneur Tim Ferris. So simply add a little spice to your life by stirring things up a bit.

Life's traumatic occurrences will force you into a state of crisis. For example, we don't have to look far. During Covid, several patients have shown a great desire to change. It's a natural reaction to losing your autonomy and ability to plan ahead of time. Any major life catastrophe, such as the death of a loved one, the loss of a job, the end of a relationship, or a financial crisis, will do it. It might make you feel as though you need to make drastic changes to everything. When you don't have any. You might or might not. However, it is an opportunity to consider your life's path. Is this what you're looking for? Or do you have a real desire to change?

Has your past prepared you for this? Did you come from a tumultuous upbringing? Have you gone through many emotional highs and lows in your life? Is it possible that your need for more excitement stems from your familiarity with it? If that's the case, proceed with caution. Our history has a way of softly rocking the boat in our present life. It's possible that you'll shake the canister till it breaks.

Avoid focusing solely on one aspect of your life. This is something I've seen a lot of. When you're having trouble, it's easy to focus on your career or — more commonly — your relationship as the source of your misery. It might lead you to believe that quitting your work or breaking up with your partner is the solution. So, before you start tearing down the walls, take a step back and look at your life more broadly.

Find tiny methods to have pleasure. Too many people believe they must have a grand plan for their life, that they must do great things, stand out, and leave a lasting legacy. That's good, but as you get older, you realize that the key to living a happy life is to stay involved in the day, to find joy in the small things, and to search for ways to add more color and excitement to your life. With a little luck, the repetition of all those little deeds can lead to something huge. But here's the thing: there's a catch. The days, weeks, months, and years will take care of themselves if you're totally involved in them.

Finally…

You'll feel trapped at some point as if you're either bored and lost or speeding up and on an express train to nowhere. When it happens, don't resist it; instead, embrace it. Because it's healthy to take stock of your life at any age and stage, to assess what you can and can't alter, and what you could adjust or do better.

It doesn't matter if you term it a "crisis" or not.