Things That Are More Damaging Than An Affair

Infidelity is a complex issue. You meet a person and you think that's what you've been waiting for. It all fits.

You start a relationship, you move in together, you make plans. You create emotional, material and human bonds. But time goes by, people change and what you used to love now starts to get boring.

There are no more details, there are hardly any nights of passion, there is only routine. And, suddenly, a person crosses your life that attracts you and you want to know.

There is sexual tension, but you don't think for a moment about cheating on your partner. How am I going to do that? It may cross your mind, but you're not that kind of person.

Micro-infidelity is that which is not consummated in sex, which is not carnal but emotional

You keep your fly closed but you can't help but be interested. You message her, you look at what she's wearing, you want to know what music she listens to, what she does in her free time, what she reads, where she lives and with whom... And you like it more and more.

There comes a point when you feel so comfortable that you start telling her about your problems, concerns, your day-to-day life, without mentioning much to your partner because something tells you that it's not right, that you're going to scare her off. You say good night for WhatsApp and good morning, ask her what she's eaten and write when a song or movie reminds you of that person.

My friend, you're being "micro-infidel".

But, while an infidelity is definitely the fastest way to wipe out a relationship, there are other small, undiscoverable things that can break even the strongest bonds of love.

Lying and hiding things from your partner.

Even when you are doing it for love and to protect your feelings, hiding small things from your partner can become a big thing and cause trust issues that will end up ruining the relationship.

Not to be affectionate.

Being absent or disinterested can cause doubts about the relationship.

Holding on to resentments.

By the time resentment is expressed, the damage to the relationship is done. It begins quietly but becomes big over time.

Lack of communication.

This doesn't mean texting each other every day but failing to communicate the things that bother you or leaving details can lead to problems.

It just causes you to bottle it up and eventually reveal it in an inappropriate way when there's nothing left to do.

Be stubborn about things and hold on to certain points on view.

This is just another way of "refusing to compromise." If you like someone you must be able to compromise.

Couples who can only do things a certain way (their way) are basically in a relationship with themselves.

Discussing mundane problems and daily tasks.

Sure, fighting over who should take out the trash is not a big deal but it's the kind of thing that gets bigger over time and even worse becomes ammunition for arguments and bigger problems.

Be condescending.

Minimizing your partner is just another way to make yourself bigger and cause an imbalance in the relationship.

Condescension is worse than infidelity because it lowers the other person's self-esteem and even when the relationship ends you continue to feel the damage.

Staying in a relationship for convenience.

Whether it's because you don't want to disappoint your family or because you have tickets to a concert together, staying together just because you feel you must will only lead to a sense of bitter resentment and consequently to fighting and anguish, when you had the chance to end everything peacefully.

Manipulation.

This is complicated because it is often so subtle, and you don't realize you are being manipulated by your partner (or doing the manipulation) until it is too late.

Jealousy.

Even without an infidelity, the mere suspicion that it is happening can be worse.

Presenting a false version of yourself at first.

This can range from pretending to like scary movies when you really hate them, to saying you're not looking for anything serious when you really want a serious, formal relationship.

Staying together because you've become codependent.

In other words, there's no chemistry anymore but you're together because you don't want to be alone.