Theory of Three Loves - Part 3

There's was a certain amount of excitement amongst all of us the night I met him. I mean, after you spend all your Friday and Saturday nights with the same people for months, you feel eager when there is talk of a newcomer. For the guys, this mean initiation drinks, someone else to drive the trails or play in the pit with, etc. For me, it was another person to take care of and maybe flirt with some.

He drove a bright red, lifted jeep. It was sexy as hell. When he pulled in the driveway, we all went to greet him. I let the boys run ahead and casually followed them. As I made it to the end of the sidewalk, I looked up and our eyes locked. My heart stopped for a split second and I smiled. The newcomer returned my smile and there was a flutter low in my stomach.

Who was this guy and why did I feel like my world was about to change?

We drank and partied per our usual that night. I felt his eyes on me and I hoped he liked what he saw, which also made me feel a tad guilty since my boyfriend was the one hosting everyone. We had had a rough morning though, so I brushed it off and enjoyed the night.

The next day, everyone wanted to go out two-tracking. I climbed in my boyfriend's truck and everyone else climbed into the jeeps. Things were going well and we were having fun. I watched him driving his badass jeep through the rearview mirror. This smile was just plastered to my face.

Then we were stopped for a minute and I had to pee so badly. I asked my boyfriend if he had any napkins. He said no and recommended using a leaf. Now, I'm not a diva or anything. I'll pee in the woods no problem, but I don't wipe with leaves. Instantly annoyed, I crossed my arms and declared I would wait until we went home.

As if bored by me, the new guy walked away towards his jeep and started digging around in it. I rolled my eyes and turned towards our other friends. A few minutes later, his voice called out saying, "Here you go." In his extended hand was a cloth Oakley sunglasses bag. Again, I felt that flutter.

My feelings for him only grew with each visit after that. Every time I saw him I hated that I had a boyfriend. But I didn't want to break up with my boyfriend because then I would lose the chance to see him. I had no clue what to do. All I knew is I wanted to explore these feelings that were filling every empty void of my heart and soul.

The first time he kissed me was at my sister's wedding. All of my boys were there and I felt blessed to have close friends with me. They hyped me up, telling me how beautiful I looked. My boyfriend never once complimented me that day. When it came to dinner, my boyfriend chose to sit next to a girl he had been flirtatious with, leaving our friends by themselves at a wedding with a couple hundred people they didn't know. The last straw, though, was when he danced with her. I knew in that moment we were done. I couldn't date a man that acted that way.

As the night was coming to an end, I went out to my car for something and he came with me. We were just standing there, breathing in the cool night air, looking at each other. I wanted so badly to feel his lips on mine, but I didn't want to make the first move. I couldn't make myself do it, I was too shy. Finally, he did it, and I melted.

That night, he drove my car to my sister's house where all of us were staying. We held hands the entire drive, despite my boyfriend's best friend sitting in the back. We hung out at the house for a bit and I had to restrain myself from touching him or being near him in front of everyone. Damn, did I want to feel those lips on mine again though. Finally it was time for bed. My boyfriend and I shared my sister's king sized bed, but we slept on opposite sides, backs to one another, not touching. He slept in the room with us, on the floor. I wished it was him in bed with me. It was so apparent that my heart was his, it was just a matter of taking care of technicalities.

After I moved back in with my mom, I decided to spend the night with him. I needed to explore these desires I had. I was scared though. He had a bit of a reputation as a bad boy, someone who didn't commit to any one girl. But the desire to be held in his arms, the desire to feel his lips on mine again, the desire to hear him make love to a woman - I couldn't fight it.

He lived in Grand Rapids with his large family. I adored his baby sisters right away and the rest of the family seemed so relaxed, so happy. His dog was a big ole' bear, the bestest boy. After being there for half an hour, my nerves vanished. Oddly enough, I felt at home.

When it was finally time to go to sleep, he casually stripped down and said, "I sleep naked." This thrilled me and for the first time in my shy life, I stripped down naked also. We pretended we could watch a show while lying naked in each other's arms, but it wasn't long before our lips found each other and then he made love to me.

I will always say it that way because it was not just sex. There were so many layers to the way we explored each other's body. He made me feel things I had never felt before, things I had only ever dreamed of feeling. We didn't rush it at all. Instead we took our time and I soaked up every moment of it. This is how I wanted to be held and kissed and touched and LOVED for the rest of my life.

This had to be what true love truly was.

Don't think that it was all peace and love from then on though. He and I both had battles to fight. We spent some time together after that, but not a ton. At some point, he ghosted me and my heart broke some more. I feared I would never find love in my life, which is such a dramatic thing to say since I was only 21.

When we were apart I got to spend time with myself and part of me thinks this is why we couldn't start our life together right away. I had so much built up trauma and anger and hurt that I had been ignoring. The timing was terrible to start a lifelong journey with someone as good as him.

He had demons to deal with on his own also.

The fairytale moment of the story happens on New Year's Eve. I was at my ex's house with "friends." Most of them thought because I had broken up with my ex, then fooled around with the new guy, they could have a chance with me too. I was annoyed and drunk and sad. I wished that he was celebrating with me. When the ball dropped at midnight, I wanted his lips to be the ones I kissed. Instead the ball dropped and I took a swig of my booze.

One of my good friends came over and asked why I was so sad. I knew his feelings for me were similar to all the others, but I also knew he understood better than all the others that we would have never fit. All I could say is, "I just really miss him." He gave me a hug and then we talked about what happened. I told him I wanted to reach out, I wanted to actually be in a relationship with him. My friend looked me dead in the eyes and said, "Do it. You deserve happiness too."

I sent a snap - "Happy New Year!" When my phone went off and I saw it was him, I almost crapped my pants. He hadn't forgotten about me. Happiness and relief flooded my body.

Ever since then we have only fallen more in love.

Basic fairytales talk about love at first sight, being treated like a princess, happiness all the time. What I have come to learn is that none of that encompasses a real, honest love. You see, the love we all need, the love that lasts, is a love that has worked hard to get where it is. It is a love that sees flaws and doesn't run or sweep them under the rug. Honest love is a love that has hard conversations, that argues, that does not agree on every topic, but still can be with that person. True love is growing as individuals, growing as a couple and just doing life together through every up and down.

It is a love you never expect, with someone you would never imagine yourself with, yet when you find it, you find your home.