The Unexpected

Sometimes in life, the unexpected happens. Whether it's the death of a loved one, a car accident, or job loss, it seems there's always something lurking around the next corner, waiting to attack. But what happens when it's not a disaster waiting to strike? What if the unexpected ends up being one of the best things that ever happened to you? And what happens when your body is so hardwired to expect the worse out everyone in your life but then someone shows up and challenges that belief?

Three years ago I met Todd, working at Summers Pointe. I was an aide on the floor at the time, and he signed up as a PRN (per request needed) LPN and was working only part time. I noticed right away how handsome he was and that there was something different about him, but I wasn’t sure what. See, he's very intimidating. He doesn't mean to be, but he has an air of confidence that can be seen a mile away and he holds himself with that confidence. Me, with my no confidence, could never measure up. At least, that’s how I felt. He was in a relationship at the time, but from what I heard it was extremely toxic. I was also in my own toxic relationship at the time, dealing with being the "other woman." More on that some other time! It wasn't until about a year after he had been working there that we even really started having conversations. It only took one though, and I knew I wanted to know more about him. I knew after several conversations that I wanted to be around even more.

We both ended our relationships around the same and oddly had each other to comfort during that time. I can still remember the late nights at Summers Pointe, explaining to each other how hard it was and the pain we each felt in our separate but similar situations. He had his daughter to consider and their health and safety and I had the same to consider of my daughter and I. Our mental health was not at its peak but we both knew we were on the right path. It was after he knew for sure I had ended my relationship, and his was over, that we started talking even more.

I had moved to day shift and he was now regularly working during the day also, so we began to get more opportunities to see each other. The butterflies I would get! One day I was sitting on my tailgate, smoking a cigarette on break, and he so casually walked up and sat down beside me. My heart could have exploded with happiness. I wasn't sure what it meant but my mind was trying to tell me there something there. It wasn't long before he joined me on the porch swing on the patio of Summers Pointe and asked if I'd like to get breakfast with him that weekend. It was a dream come true. This decent, hardworking, loving man was actually asking me out. Of course, I said yes, and it was the best breakfast I've ever had. He asked me to join him for church the next morning and though I had my reservations, I said yes again. It was a beautiful weekend full of learning and growth in ways I don't think we even knew. We were beginning to heal.

Though we aren't there yet, a year and a half later we are still on that journey to healing, and we are on it together. I admire his strength every day and wonder at his abilities. So brave and kind and so very loving. I couldn't ask for a better partner to raise our daughters with! As good as it all sounds though, there are still issues and still problems that arise every day that we must fight together. The biggest fight? My insecurities and a long history of toxic relationships to overcome. Bless his heart, he is by side every day no matter what I throw his way and he continues to love me despite my flaws and shortcomings. Don’t misunderstand and assume I have found the perfect relationship because unfortunately it does not exist. Even between two people who can have a love strong enough to overcome whatever comes their way, a relationship cannot be perfect. And no relationship should be. That wouldn't leave room for growth and we should continually strive for growth within ourselves and relationships.

But back to that question of the unexpected. Because like I said, my biggest struggle in our relationship are my insecurities. Boy how often they show up too. While that might be shadow work that I need to deal with, it still overflows into the relationship regularly. So, what happens when a trustworthy person comes into your life after years of everyone be untrustworthy? Panic. Doubt. Fear. But with that also comes love. And I mean real, genuine, no strings attached, love. But how to know the difference? How to spot the real thing? A person’s actions will always speak louder than their words. Someone can say they love you all day long, but do they mean it? Do they show you by asking about your day, listening to your problems, supporting you through thick and thin? Or do they ghost when things get too serious or tough? I know in my heart I can count on Todd to be there not only when I am at my best, but when I am at my worst too. When I need a shoulder to cry on, he is there. When I need encouragement to keep going, he is there. During my roughest moments of the last year and half, Todd has been there through it all, still loving me and still supporting me 100%.

You won't just notice a difference within yourself either. You will see it all around you. Others will notice and speak up. Those who love you, family and friends, will see a difference in you that no one else can. They will see the love and how real it is. But again, this isn't a magical solution to all the problems. There’s still work and there's still hard times. But with the right partner, you will survive those times, and they will get easier. Each time that partner is there for and doesn’t bail, your learned habits will slowly start to change and those new emotions and reactions will begin to surface first before the negative ones. It takes time though, and love, but together you can do anything!