The Truth About Dating

Let’s get one thing straight upfront. In case you read absolutely nothing else, this is all you need to know: Dating sucks.

No one wants to date. Dating isn’t the goal. It’s the mode of transportation, taking you to where you want to be. You have the planes and trains of online dating, the cars and SUVs of the bar scene, the bicycles of blind dates and friends of friends. The list goes on and on, each with their own upsides and pitfalls. And what’s the worst part of any road trip?

The Games.

Just like the license plate game, I don’t want to get mixed up in the dating game. Also like the license plate game, not everyone plays the dating game, but it’s rampant enough to become a central theme.

You see, not everyone is completely honest about their final destination. To put it plainly, there is always an ulterior motive involved with dating. Most commonly, it’s a quest for love, marriage, and the happily ever after. Or perhaps that’s less common now. Maybe they just want to bang, or are looking for friends, or the dreaded ones who only want attention. There are any number of reasons why a person will start dating, but it’s rarely, if ever, for the sake of dating.

Now there’s nothing inherently wrong with dating for those kinds of reasons (We won’t get into nefarious reasons people may have for dating). As far as I’m concerned, what happens between two consenting adults is no one’s business their own. This is where the game kicks in.

When you have that magical/dreaded first date, do you announce exactly what it is that you’re looking for? Do you believe the other person when they make their revelation? Do you call it quits if your final destination doesn’t line up with your date’s? If your answers are, “Yes, yes, yes,” congratulations! You are an obscenely honest person who doesn’t play the dating game. Or you’re so deep in the game that you play it even when you’re not on a date, but we’ll give you the benefit of the doubt on that.

Some (read: many) like to play their cards close to the chest. This goes beyond that selfie with the perfect angle and lighting or hiding physical and/or emotional flaws. To master the game, you have to figure out how your wants and needs lines up with your date’s. Where is that cross-section where your needs meets their’s? Or maybe you lie through your teeth to get what you want and to hell with anyone else. Why throw down the “I just wanna bang” card when you can bluff and say you’re looking for love? Avoid scaring away your date to maybe get what you want at the expense of your date’s wants. It can definitely be beneficial… so long as you’re always only on that side and the person or people across from you aren’t also playing.

That is the entirety of the game. It’s all about the lie. With love, you have to put your cards, your head, and your heart all on the table. This is the polar opposite. And it gets better! We’re all sitting at the same table with the same deck of cards. No way to tell for sure what the game is or who has the ace up their sleeve without anteing up.

Just out of a seven year relationship, it’s enough to give you whiplash. For now, I’ll stand at the side, watching and waiting, trying to figure out who’s playing which game. Is the ante worth the risk? Is the risk worth the payout?