The story of the Actual criminal stopping a crime (in progress)

He felt tired. He felt like shit.

He just got out of jail today.

It wasn’t for a violent crime, per say, but it was for computer fraud. And also, he had punched his boss.

The asshole boss at his job (where he had committed said fraud) had tried to extort him. But, he was the one who had gone to jail, not him.

Tegan needed a drink.

Badly.

——————

Just a few miles downtown from where Tegan was staying (at a friend’s house), there was a lonely bartender who owned a bar.

He was tired.

He felt like shit.

He snuck shots of tequila sometimes in the bathroom near his office whenever happy couples would come in, or random patrons would walk out together—-finding a connection amidst the hole in the wall, outdated atmosphere. The slightly dark bar with neon lights all over the place was a hot spot for married couples especially, and it drove Moe crazy.

He was so tired, he didn’t even want a drink anymore.

Until, that stranger came in, looking more beat down than he did at the moment.

The stranger with the curly dirty blonde hair. ‘Is he Jewish?’ Moe thought. ‘He’s got that white guy fro, like a Jew-fro...’

Moe wasn’t gay, or anything, but he felt drawn to this person. He couldn’t stop looking at him.

He was graying up a bit himself, being fifty six years old, and tried to check the dirty mirror behind the shelves of alcohol, looking at his teeth.

Why was he acting so foolish? What was going on in his head? Moe didn’t quite know. He started cleaning off some of the neon lights and the mirror, too. He tried to distract himself from those dirty blonde curls. It was making him feel weird.

He realized he was acting weirder than how he felt, and decided to act like he didn’t care about the strange feelings in his throat, the strong pulse that was making him feel more alive than ever.

So, he asked what the stranger wanted to drink.

“Uh, I don’t know. What do you like?” The blonde man asked, looking at him with a slightly nervous smile.

The bartender looked at him, nonplussed, but then looked back at all of his different types of alcohol and mixers, and the area he kept olives, Maraschino cherries and peppers with cocktail onions.

“I ain’t ever been asked that. Well...” The bartender shrugged. “Do you want to feel it in the morning or are you feeling like something light?”

The man smiled. “Something in the middle.”

“You wanna beer?”

“I haven’t had a beer in over three years. So, sure.”

“Okay.” Moe got out one of the imported beers, handing to him. Their hands touched for a moment.

They both looked at each other again. Tegan was curious about the bartender. And Moe was curious about the blonde man.

“What’s your name? I never seen you ‘round here ‘afore.”

The not-quite blonde shrugged, feeling comfortable with this man for some reason and decided to be honest with him. ‘Why the heck not?’ He thought.

“I’m Tegan. I... I recently was just released from jail. So... probably that’s why you have never seen me.” He sighed, drinking a long time, finishing off the beer within a minute. “Your name?”

Moe didn’t judge the man, thinking everyone had reasons for the things they did—he wasn’t perfect either. Everyone has a story, like Nina Simone said. Moe loved Nina Simone.

“Moe.”

“Moe, you have a nice bar. Is this your bar?”

Moe looked at him a little surprised. “Why would you say it’s my bar?”

“Cause, I saw you cleaning the signs on the wall, and your mirror behind the bar. Owners do that kind of work, without needing anyone telling them to do it. They take pride in their store. Right?”

Moe nodded. “Well, that’s right. I’m the owner.” He felt a bit out of place, as they suddenly took on a bit of a unofficial staring contest—-the blonde man’s cool green eyes staring straight into Moe’s gray ones.

Tegan was trying to figure him out, and it scared Moe.

But he stared right back.

“Do you want another drink, uh.. Tegan?” Moe asked, but it came out squeaky. His hands felt warm and too sweaty, and his ears felt hot. Like someone hit them too hard, and they burned and were ringing too.

“You never asked me why I was in jail.”

Moe frowned. “None of my business.”

“Bartenders are notorious for making everyone’s life their business, Moe. That’s how you get regulars. Keep them coming back for your good strong drinks and open ears.”

Moe shook his head. “Okay. I’ll bite. Why did you go to jail?” He leaned forward a bit toward the slightly younger looking man, and wiped off the table, trying to look busy.

“SQL Injections. Computer fraud, like hacking.” He said softly. “Nothing too bad. But... bad enough to the companies who want to keep their information secure.” He laughed.

“You didn’t kill a man first?” Moe laughed. “How many years.. oh, yeah. Three years. Right? That’s how long it’s been since you had a beer.”

Tegan looked surprised now. Moe felt a touch of pride at that.

“You are a good listener.”

Moe grinned. “I’m okay. So... what in the heck is... that thing you got caught doing?”

Tegan chuckled. “I’ll take another beer first.”

“Right.” Moe got out a fresh glass and gave him a beer from the tap. Guinness beer this time. “Try this. On me.”

Tegan grinned. “Thank you.”

Another man came up to the bar. “I need a whiskey on the rocks.”

Moe nodded and got the drink for the other customer.

Tegan felt a strange pull toward this gray haired gentleman, and decided to take it a bit further. He wanted to see him again after this.

Tegan was a bit flustered at first that the first crush he had outside of being in jail (not having crushes on anyone there!) was a man.

He was bisexual, but had only ever dated women. For some reason, he always felt way too shy around guys he liked. But not this man. This man felt like home.

Moe was handsome in an old school kind of way to Tegan. He reminded him of a slightly older Sonny from The Godfather.

God, he had such a huge crush on James Caan, especially in that movie. That was how Tegan knew he even liked men in his teenage years.

Moe was done helping the customer and the went over to Tegan again.

“So, Moe, if you really want to know...an SQL injection uses malicious code of the same variety for backend database manipulation. I used it to access information that wasn’t readily available—-well, that was never meant to be seen.”

Moe shrugged. “I’m lost.”

“I used it to get sensitive financial information I needed to steal from the company.”

“So... money. How much?”

“That’s a bit impetuous of you to ask,” Tegan teased, narrowing his eyes with a cheeky smile.

Moe smirked. “I’m going for more of a spur of the moment, precipitous type of manner, kid. Like, try to live in the moment and not think too much..ya know?”

Tegan looked at him amused. “That kind of talk is what landed me in jail. I got about fifty grand. But I had someone at my company who did most of the work. They got more time than I did. So it’s not like all that money was mine.”

“Dang! That’s a lot of dough though.”

“Yeah. Wasn’t worth it. I hate money now.” He drank the beer, looking at him impressed. “This beer is superlative.”

“The tap gives it that fresh, frothy and creamy consistency. Keeps it in peak form.” Moe started getting him another glass.

“How old are you? If I may be a bit impetuous now...” Tegan said softly. Moe looked at him and frowned.

“Fifty six.”

Tegan nodded. “How old do you think I am?”

“Thirty two.”

Tegan laughed. “Close. I’m thirty eight.”

Just then, two couples came in, laughing, going up to the bar.

“Ah, I see you’re ready to wet your whistle, girls!” The taller man said to the women. They giggled like school girls. “Drinks on me!”

The disruption made Moe a little frustrated. He wanted to keep talking to Tegan. But, he had a job to do.

They were boisterous and loud, too—taking at least ten minutes with an rather large, elaborate drink order.

Tegan stayed where he was sitting, even as one of the women gave him a dirty look. They all wanted to sit at the bar together but the seating wasn’t enough on the side they were at. Tegan divided them up.

Moe got their order ready.

Tegan finished up his last glass of beer. “Hey, Moe, when do you get off?”

Moe looked over at Tegan, hearing the question despite the loud group laughing and joking around them.

“Uh, the bar closes at 12:30. I ain’t gotta cover. So I’m here until closing.”

Tegan nodded. “Then I’ll wait,” he yelled over the counter.

Moe was glad he was in the process of making a large, somewhat complicated order. The thought of Tegan waiting with him all night until he was done with work ... made him blush terribly.

Finally, the group settled down and went to a booth in the bar to drink.

“So... what did you do before you owned a bar?” Tegan asked quietly to Moe.

Moe sighed. “I went to college. I got my Entrepreneurship Degree and I also studied in operations management. I dabbled a bit with music and art history. But I always wanted my own business.”

Tegan nodded in appreciation. He put his elbow down and hand on his chin, leaning closer toward Moe. Moe backed away a bit, feeling flustered by the intense way Tegan was gazing at him.

“Moe, you like art? What kind of art?”

“Caravaggio.”

“Why?”

“Because his paintings tell a story. They tell you something exciting, or grotesque, and deeply emotional. It’s a snapshot of something terrifying, and the details are so minute... so fine, that it is mind blowing to me.”

Moe pictured one in particular. The painting was called Judith Beheading Holofernes. It was one of his favorites.

Tegan nodded, imagining them both holding hands looking at Caravaggio in an art museum. “I never went to college. My family was very wealthy, but I wasn’t what they wanted in a son... I never met up to their high expectations. My father and mother had me in Hebrew school and I also had a private education until I was old enough to move out, and once I graduated from high school, they kicked me out without any help.” Tegan shrugged. “I wanted to be a musician. I played guitar. But I never made it through auditions to be in a band.”

“Why didn’t you just start your own band?” Moe asked, the pride in his memory giving him a point for being right about Tegan being Jewish. He felt a little ridiculous for caring so much about it, but he was starting to like Tegan—-he didn’t really have friends or close family, and he was very much alone most of the time.

Tegan shrugged. “I was always a bit unimaginative. Except with crime. There I apparently excelled in that category!”

Moe laughed loudly. The other patrons didn’t look over at all. They were immersed in their own conversations.

“You got caught, though...” Moe said softly.

Tegan laughed humorlessly. “Well my boss was the one who caught me. Then, he wanted to extort me. I punched him. The police came... and I was arrested immediately.”

Moe looked at him with a mixture of kindness and a bit of concern. “You ain’t ever going to do that again? Right?”

Tegan shook his head. “No. I’m done with that kind of haphazard, ridiculous life of crime.”

“Good. So, why did you parents have it out for ya?”

“Oh... that.” Tegan looked down. That answer was a bit complicated.

“Aw, you don’t need to tell me.”

“I will. But I have a feeling that you might want me to go after I tell you.”

Moe looked at him confused. “Huh? Tegan, I doubt it. I’m not a judgemental person.”

Tegan took in a deep breath. “I used to believe that life had no intrinsic value. That we were all here for no reason other than to just exist. To pretend that anything meaning more than that was living in denial. But, going to jail and having all that time to think...”

Moe sighed. “Got ya thinking differently?”

Tegan shook his head. “Not really. But, I wished that I could’ve believed that. I think... I’m starting to think that things can have meaning. If you truly believe it. The problem is I never really had much to truly, passionately believe in.”

“Like God?”

Tegan nodded. “God is a concept I had trouble wrapping my mind around. Like... I understand it is faith and you don’t have to have proof... but it’s like that scene in Pulp Fiction, Moe. You know the one where Jules and Vincent almost get shot. But all the bullets miss them, hitting the wall behind them instead.” Tegan shrugged a little. “Vincent didn’t think anything of it. Jules however, thought it was a miracle. Something directly from God. So... it’s like, you can’t go up to one and definitely say one is wrong and one is right. They both believe their opposing perspectives equally. With the same strength and fierce intensity. So, what is meaning but what we hold in our hearts and our guts? Something we believe down to the bone.”

Moe felt a bit of out of depth with the sudden philosophical conversation. He got out another glass, pouring Tegan a fresh beer.

He handed it to Tegan. “Thanks.”

Moe nodded. “Welcome.”

There was a minute of silence between the two. But it didn’t feel awkward. It felt okay to have that silence for a moment.

“I never watched that movie,” Moe said finally. Tegan laughed.

“Sorry, buddy. I ain’t ever been the type to discuss theology. Religion and stuff. But, I like talking about you,” Moe blurted out. His eyes widened at the admission. “I mean... I liked hearing what you had to say on the matter. Real interesting.”

Tegan smiled. “You are interesting too.” He thought for a moment, and decided to tell him why his parents kicked him out. But not here. “Moe, do you want to go by the ocean with me? When you get off?”

Moe nodded. “Yes.”

Tegan felt a twist in his stomach. He wasn’t expecting such a direct yes to his request.

“I’m... uh.... well,” Tegan said nervously.

Moe nodded. “Yeah? What’s up?”

Suddenly, a man came in, hands in his pockets. He was wearing a large overcoat and looked flustered, walking over to the bar swiftly.

“Hey, you two, shut up. Everyone get under their tables, right now! I got a gun!” The man yelled at everyone. Everyone listened immediately and got under their tables.

“Hey, you!” He pointed to Moe. “Get the owner. I got a gun. Give me all your money. Don’t try anything.”

Moe looked at him with a disgruntled frown. “Fine. I’m the owner. I’ll get your money.”

He looked at everyone in the bar, and turned back to Moe. Tegan was looking at Moe, and felt his heart leap in his chest. They had a silent understanding all of a sudden, and Tegan made a decision.

He decided to play dumb and more drunk than he was, “H-hey, barkeep, get me something stronger—-I’m not going home till I’m plastered!” He leaned over the bar, stumbling a bit.

The man looked over at Tegan in disgust. “Shut the fuck up!” He whispered loudly.

Moe looked at Tegan questioningly. Tegan winked at him when the robber looked away.

“Hey, I’m calling my sister.. she’d love this place!” He looked at the man. “They got the good stuff here. I’m telling ya!” He slapped the man’s back, and he flinched. Tegan felt a touch of pride at that—-he didn’t even have a sister.

“Don’t you kick out my people after so many drinks? This guy is about to pass out.” The man said angrily, looking at Tegan annoyed.

Moe shrugged. “Ain’t my concern what drunks wanna do.”

Tegan got out his cell phone, glad that the man was distracted. He dialed 911, putting the volume on low.

“911, what’s your emergency?”

“Oh, heya sis! You gotta come here. 153... hey, barkeep, what’s the address?!” Tegan slurred. “Claire wants to know where it is.”

“Sir, you got the wrong number. This is an emergency line only.”

“Oh, Claire it’s urgent you move that tush over here, mo-most urgently!” He said, “it’s a bar that is very... it has some kind of charm to it... very cute staff! You’ll find a man here! Just bring your reinforcements... you know your best friend Deidre.”

Moe looked at Tegan with wide eyes, blushing a little, but said nothing.

The man paid no attention to Tegan. “Hurry up! Get me the money. I swear...” the man leaned forward. “I’ll plug you if you try anything.”

The operator got the hint. “What’s the bar called?”

“Good Times Bar. Really good drinks. I’ll buy you one once you get here.”

“We will have two police cars dispatched to that location very soon.”

“Hurry up. I am about to...” Tegan slurred, and fell a bit, pretending to pass out, and hung up the phone.

Moe tried not to laugh, getting the money out from the register.

The man was getting impatient, and took out part of his gun. “Listen, if you don’t hurry, I’ll-”

In a brief flash, Moe sees the man fall down. Tegan knocked him out.

Moe was still, and looked at Tegan in the eye, grateful and passionate. The other patrons were hiding under their tables. Some were crying.

Tegan smiled, but felt the wind knocked out of him. Not because of what he just did.

Because he really liked Moe, and wanted to grab him right then and there to kiss him.

“You okay, Moe?” Tegan said clearly, standing up straighter.

“Uh... yes. Man... you knocked him out!” Moe said in awe. “What about you?”

Tegan looked at him contemplatively. “I’m fine. I just couldn’t let him hurt yo—anyone.”

Moe smiled, hearing the slip. “You.... uh, call the police?” Moe asked quietly.

“I thought you’d wanna meet my sister.” Tegan winked again.

“She’s... on the force?” Moe asked dumbly. Tegan bit his lip.

“No. I only have my two parents. I was kidding.”

Suddenly, they heard sirens. The police came in a moment later and arrested the slumped over criminal.

They got the story from everyone in the bar. Tegan was thanked for his efforts to subdue the robber and Moe personally thanked him—with a hug.

It was more than a hug.

It felt intimate, and warm. Tegan thought Moe smelled nice. Like earl grey tea and violet.

Moe didn’t want to let go.

Either did Tegan.

But with a crowded bar and multiple police standing around, they both realized that they needed to.

Tegan looked at Moe, and took his hand, leading him toward the entrance, “Close the bar early. I wanna go to the beach with you.”

Moe nodded. “Sure. I... I’d rather get out of here after what happened, anyway.”

“And Moe?” Tegan said softly.

“Yea, Tegan?”

“Today was the best day of my life. I’m glad I came to this bar. And met you.”

Moe smiled. “Really? Even after this disaster?”

“It was a beautiful disaster. That’s life, right?”

Moe nodded. “Yeah. You’re right.” He sighed. “Tegan? Do you wanna... make this a date?” He felt his whole face go warm. He couldn’t believe he said that. He hadn’t asked even a single woman out in years.... and never asked out a man.

Tegan’s eyes widened, a subtle smile on his lips, his surprise overturned by happiness. “I was thinking the same thing, Moe.”

They both grinned at each other.

They wrapped up everything with the police and the crime report. Moe closed up.

And Moe felt free, finally opening up to someone, who felt like his soulmate, their strange and crazy night ending on the beach.

Moe kissed Tegan right next to the water, and Tegan realized that love gave their suffering meaning, and that God really was in the details—-not the devil.

A year after they dated, Tegan bought Moe a Caravaggio.

The Penitent Magdalene stood as a reminder of his dissolute past, and how his future was to be laden with strength in morality and kindness— with Moe, his true love, together.