The Stigma of Saying “NO”

In our childhood; parents often teach us to help others, respect others and I think all of these principles make you a good human being. Why not, if you help someone in his/her difficult times then they will help back whenever you need help. Helping is a very complex form of human emotion. People help each other since the ages of humans began. Helping is also a very profound feeling like, if you help someone or anyone help you in both of these scenarios you feel very gentle. If I am talking about myself then I’ll also try to be helpful if anyone needs help. And to be honest I also kind of like that and that’s what society also told us to do. But here is a thing, that you can’t always help a particular individual. But the question is why we don’t help someone who always begging for help. The answer to this question always depends on you, how you observe things or how you read people's behavior. Look, we all know that how important is to provide someone very weak in this society. But is it okay to help someone who is more like a procrastinator? ‘of course not. But why not? Look, there is always a very thin line between people who genuinely need help and the people who act like they need help. And most of the time we confuse between these two categories in terms of understanding the behavior. So, how can you understand the behavior? It’s simple if anyone needs help genuinely then they insist on you. But if anyone acts like they need help, they don’t insist perhaps, their action shows they need help. Likewise, A genuine individual directly asks you “ bro I need to shift from my parent’s house would you help me to shift” now the actor “ Oh… dude what can I do I have to shift from my parent’s house.” Now you can differentiate between these two individuals.

I don’t know but growing up I’ve got this kind of stigma to help anyone irrespective of my own work. Now the thing is how can you help someone without caring about yourself that’s totally unnecessary to do. As a human, we have this sympathetic disorder of doing help whoever asks you to. Perhaps, we also know that fact to survive you have to help yourself first then care about others. Look, it doesn’t mean that you become rude and do not help anyone. I read a lot of books about saying “No” but, none of these books gave me an exact way to refuse something in terms of doing my own. All they teach you a lesson to be a rude person but it’s also true that these books teach me a lot about self-care and I can’t deny that fact. What we don’t understand is that Our mind is a kind of hard disk, whatever we see or read we just get in it. And that is how the human brain works. But we have also a gift of differentiating that we use all the time like if we choose something. Just like this we also have to differentiate between our experiences and the author's experiences. Every book is written in terms of the author’s experiences, that’s why each book has its beauty and experiences. So it’s not as certain as your behavior or your way of thinking. The author writes these books to share their stories to inspire readers not to exactly copy the idea of the book.

The simple and easy way to deny someone, just to say the truth that you have to do your work first then, you will help them. Truth is often a very powerful way to express your regard. And don’t ever forget to help when you have done with your work. By differentiating the behavior of the individual who needs help.