The Sisterhood Complex

by Mollie J 2 years ago in humanity / friendship

Is it real?

The Sisterhood Complex
I will never deny how beautiful female friendship is, a sisterhood with whom you can share your world, a group of girls who understand you and guide you both wisely and recklessly through your lives together. Female friendship is extremely important in shaping us women. The Sisterhood complex, however, is something different. See my definition:

Sisterhood Complex: A forced idea put on women that they absolutely MUST have a group of 4-10 female friends with whom they do everything. One, as a woman, must be a part of a sisterhood in order to function properly as a female human in society. For, how else can women get through life without their trusty gal pals?

(I clearly take issue with this).

I take you to the 16th July 2016, the last entry in my journal reads: "Why does TV and media, in general, feel the need to force the idea of a female friendship down my throat?" I was quite miffed at the idea and a tad resentful—I can only assume I had just watched an episode of Sex and the City, or come across another article about Taylor Swift's girl Squad #squadgoals #galpals #girlsnightout #cantfunctionwithoutmygirls... #please (for the love of God) stop. I must state that I am in no way shaming these women—see the first paragraph if you think otherwise—I just feel it can be a little forced.

Perhaps I am jealous? I haven't been part of what someone would call a girl group since I was in high school. To be honest, it was slightly traumatic and I got out of there as soon as I left said school. If you look behind all the hashtags, behind the closed doors—or windows, in this case —of social media, you have the group politics:

"I heard that (x) has got bulimia, shall we confront her about it?" ... "Well, (y) told (z) that (x) isn't eating because she's attention seeking." ... "Yes, God, you're right, that's a more logical reason, when we next see her we will accuse her of such. That will help." Turns out (x) doesn't have an issue with food at all, she is just the decided victim of the week's gossip.

Of course, I cannot claim complete innocence in all this mess, as stated, I was a part of the group, thus I got drawn into its chaos and probably impacted some people's feelings in some way; I do struggle to know that. The toxic whirlwind takes no prisoners and it isn't anyone's fault as such, it's just what happens when you put a bunch of girls/women in a close environment for a prolonged amount of time. Being a part of it hurt me greatly and has most likely had an effect on the way I form friendships now.

Both women and men need their space from their own sex, they need alone time. Time to recover from being with people, in general actually. The importance that people put on being part of something bigger, being a part of a "collective" of women, the force of which it is sometimes portrayed, is dangerous; people forget that they are allowed to move freely between friends and have as little or as many people in their "circle" as they want. The freedom disappears when you restrict yourself to one group. We do have that freedom and we mustn't allow ourselves to be trapped or made to feel guilty or unworthy if we are not a part of a girl squad.

This post is less about sisterhood and more about exercising your right to be a little selfish, allowing yourself to be with people you love, because once you do, you realise that you have a power. A power no-one tells you that you own. A power that opens up a large door to the wonders of true friendship.

Do what you like, be with who you like, care about whoever you want and hang out with people youlike being around. It's okay to cut out the toxicity that sometimes accompanies the sisterhood. It's really quite freeing.

How does it work?
Read next: 'Chocolate Kisses'
Mollie J

20 years old trying to navigate the world, day to day, minute to minute.

See all posts by Mollie J