The Side Chick Chit Chat
Why You Shouldn't Be So Quick to Forget Her Side!
The media has perpetuated and profited off of the reign of the "side chick." When it comes to the nature of infidelity in modern day relationships, it really brings in the big bucks. Television programs like V?H1's Love and Hip Hop display men and women glamorize the life of their little piece on the side. While those sensationalized narratives exist on reality TV, they do not always play out that way in the real world.
On the screen, the people are playing a role and fitting into a story line, but for others this is real life. No cameras. No big bucks.
Side chicks often get a bad reputation for their actions. Even when they claim to be unaware of their status or they really are left in the dark, there are preconceived notions that people have and assume about them.
No one ever takes the time to hear their side of the story without the intentions of slandering them.
Below are the stories of four women who found themselves as the "side chick," and how the time they spent in that role changed them.
For H, it was her first boyfriend that planted the seed of deceit and dishonesty. Her naivety allowed her to be hesitant about her initial gut-wrenching emotions. While in her state of bliss from her new relationship, she had some feelings that she just could not shake. She did some digging on social media and found what she was looking for. Another female "came to her as a woman" and confessed that they were dating the same man. She and her now found "sis" teamed up to confront him. Now that's what I call girl power.
Unlike in popular culture and reality TV, the two did not meet in a parking lot to fight over the man. They confronted him together and ended their relationship with him! H and her now found friend lost a man, but gained a new found friendship that was better than their failed relationship with a man who could not be honest with them.
K, has been put in more than one position by men. In one instance, she was not aware that a man that she was involved with had a girlfriend. The situation left her full of anger and pain when she came to the realization that she had been lied to. She expressed outrage that the man would put her in a position that did not give her a chance to decide whether or not she wanted to be involved with his infidelity.
In another instance, a man she remained friends with, made flirtatious advances towards her. She initially rejected him because she knew he had a girlfriend, but after a few more of his advances, she gave in and began a relationship with him.
Seems weird that a guy who could label a woman as his "friend" would put her in a compromising position, but unfortunately it happens more often than not.
That situation is what happened to A as well. One of her best friends found himself in a relationship that was a bit on the rocky side. A was a bystander of that relationship and served as his confidant through it all. He indulged in a relationship with A while still being in a relationship that was falling apart. As she describes, they fell in love, but that did not stop his relationship with his girlfriend.
When she made the decision to confront him about putting her in that position, their friendship dissolved and A found herself in therapy to cope with the stress of the situation.
For M, she was involved with a man steadily on a month-by-month basis. Out of the blue, he gets a girlfriend, but she continued seeing him. She became attached and found it very difficult to let go once he decided to give someone else the relationship status she felt she deserved.
Society is so quick to judge these women and the situations they were in, but people often forget that these experiences could possibly have a mental and emotional toll on these women as well.
Their time as the "side chick" taught these women unexpected life lessons.
"Being in these situations made me develop this fear of being in a relationship. It scared me because you have men that portray this good boyfriend image but behind their girlfriend's back, they're cheating. You just never know if someone is down for you or not. It made me paranoid that this could happen to me. Ultimately, I felt guilty for being the voluntary side chick. I have been cheated on and its a terrible feeling, so I wouldn't wish that on another woman or want to do that to another woman but sadly I did," says K. The entire situation has made it harder for her to trust men.
Words of Advice From The Women
1. "If you find yourself being the involuntary side chick, remove yourself from the situation ASAP."- K
2. "My advice to anyone who is in a similar situation is to first evaluate yourself. Is this person you are a side piece with someone you truly care about, someone you treasure, someone who actually means something to you? If not, get out. It isn't worth the emotional or physical toll to put yourself through it (at all) especially if this is not something worth pursuing. If this IS someone you genuinely care about, I think that if you're close enough with them, you should be able to have a mature conversation with them about it." - A
3. "Side chicks aren’t the wave at all. If you think about it, you really are only getting half of your partner's attention and love. You will have to constantly compete with someone else who in the end may just get what you desire, as in the title. There’s nothing wrong with being single and dating or having sex with people but when you know someone is dating someone else or is married just leave it alone, no matter how tempting it may seem it’s never worth it in the end." -M
4. "My advice to any girls who might be in a situation like this is to LEAVE. Trust your gut because vibes are energy and the energy you feel from a person never lies. Also, don't just rush into a relationship with someone, you may not know them as well as you think you do." - H
It is time to stop slandering these women without the consideration of their feelings. Their actions may not have been right in all instances, but they are humans too. They made mistakes and they were affected as well.
Infidelity does not just hurt the two people in the relationship. All parties involved are often hurt.
It's time to stop shaming women for their decisions and start shaming the person who opened the door for infidelity and participated.