The School Bully that Changed my Life

When I entered secondary school, I hung with the geek crowd. None of us was cool; we were the quiet kids in the corner.

I continued happily for my first year at school. Then in the middle of year 8, a new girl joined.

Karen joined our little group. Why? She thought she could control us easily. Her first step was to try to eliminate me. From the first day she started, nothing was out of bounds, my weight, my family. The verbal abuse was constant and unrelenting, and I went lower and lower.

My life crumbled.

It sounds stupid writing it, but at the time, my life crumbled. I started faking illness to avoid school. I developed school phobia. The situation escalated until one day, I made up a story about seeing a rat and being sick. My mum saw straight through it, packed me off to school and phoned my head of year.

Once there, I was ushered into the room with her. I told her I was being bullied when she asked who, I made it up. Can you imagine my life if Karen found out I had told her?

Two incidents stand out.

The torment continued for another year. Two incidents stand out for me. First, Karen claimed she had broken her arm. Every day she came to the train station with a wet cast.

After a week, I worked out it was a bandage she was covering in toothpaste for sympathy. I know very unstable, I realise that now. However, when I confronted her about it, she ridiculed me completely. She then made the rest of my little group mock me; she used her abuse to hide the truth.

The second significant incident was her birthday. She invited us all to her party, the last day of the school holidays. I so didn’t want to go, but you couldn’t say no. I cried all the way home from ice skating. Even 35 years later, I am tearing up writing this. I missed my mum so bad. I had wanted to spend the last day with her. Instead, I was tortured for five hours. I hid my face looking out the window; of course, Karen saw and made my life hell about it. I returned to school with everyone calling me a cry baby.

The end of torment.

As soon as the torture started, it stopped. Karen transferred to the girls’ school; the comprehensive school was not for her; she was above us. More like her parents found out about the bandage and toothpaste.

I can honestly say I would have done something stupid had she not left.

Luckily school went back to normal.

Then one day, a couple of months later, one of the cool kids started talking to me in the changing room. We hit it off immediately and became inseparable. Danielle, you saved my life; I have never told you that before. We are still friends today.

In a strange twist of fate, my mum met with Karen two years ago. She was working with her husband. Mum came back and said Karen said to give you her number so that you can meet up.

My reply:

I don’t think that’s a good idea, Mum. If I ever see her again, I will punch her in the face.

I had never told my mum the name of my tormentor. She knows now.

I hardly recognise that child from years ago. I have grown in confidence over the years. Many of the people that know me would be surprised I was bullied. Being bullied made me the person I am. It gave me the determination to succeed.

Bullying or abuse of any type is life-changing. Leaving it behind can be the catalyst for positive change. I will never be grateful to my tormentor, but with every life experience, I grew. I defined my life after bullying; it didn’t define me.

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