The Same But Different

The year was 1982 …

For approximately 2 years, I had been begging my mom and dad to take me on an overseas trip. Ever since I learned that there were other countries outside of America where people spoke different languages, ate different food and wore clothing that were culturally unique to their ethnicity and/or nationality, I became curious. I wanted to know more about the people around the globe.

The year before, I had already gone to have passport pictures taken and my mom applied for my passport. The day that the passport was returned to us in the mail it was as if the universe opened up. My world suddenly expanded and I couldn’t do anything else but wonder what other lifestyles must be like, I was anxious, excited and curious to think that someday I would walk with people who were so vastly different than me but yet, the same. The human race is amazing, so uniquely diverse and still having more in common than not.

It never crossed my mind how I might stand out, feel inferior or find it hard to blend in with other cultures. In my mind, kids were kids all over the world. We all had to eat, go to school and play for fun. It never occurred to me before arriving in the Middle East in 1982 that sometimes cultural differences could be so vastly different that kids might play differently, have different reactions to winning games and even express or not express emotion the way that I was used to my family and classmates responding in America. It never crossed my mind that maybe some kids were not allowed to play or go to school at all.

After a 16 hour long flight from the US to Europe then on to Amman, Jordan my mom and I were exhausted. Her and my dad had both taken this trip the year prior and brought back souvenirs and pictures from Jordan, Israel, Egypt and Turkey. Now it was my turn. I would have stories to tell, pictures to show and memories to last a lifetime. I imagined taking pictures with children from all over the world; the laughter, color, excitement in different languages after a round of hiding-go-seek. I could see myself wrapping my arms around my new friend’s shoulders and exchanging gifts from our home countries. What an idealistic view of the world I had.

Upon arriving in Jordan, at our hotel, my mom just wanted to rest. I was too excited to sleep. I just sat and stared out of the window, wondering where out there my new friend was. I had not even realized that there was a such thing as a “time difference,” and that it was morning time on one side of the globe and evening time on the other. It wasn’t until the next day that I started feeling extremely sleepy during the day and wide awake at night, it took a few days for my body to adjust to the fact that my mom and I had flown in to an entirely different time zone.

On day 3 of being in Jordan, we were scheduled to take a tour of Amman, the capital. We visited an outdoor market and many historical sites. The culture shock hit me when I saw the women and girls my own age covered from head to toe. The only thing I could see clearly were their eyes and hands. I couldn’t tell if they were smiling or even saying hello. The women nodded their heads as my mom and I passed by. The children just seemed to stare. I locked eyes with several little girls and waved hoping to get a response but … nothing, no responses. Maybe they were taught not to speak to strangers or foreigners. Either way, I was disappointed. I asked one girl to take a picture with me, she just stood there. She didn’t say yes or no, she just ignored me. I proceeded to look into my camera lenses and take a picture and a woman began waving her hand and turning her head. I was confused. Why couldn’t I take a picture? The tour guide explained to my mother that it was culturally inappropriate to take pictures of sites with people standing around. He said that he could ask permission of them to take pictures and that even if they agreed, they would want a tip. I didn't understand. I just wanted to claim my first friends in this new country.

I stood there shocked and embarrassed. I had never had to pay anyone to take a picture with me. I was no longer desperate to find a foreign friend, and just like that, I learned a hard lesson in cultural differences and how important it is to know about the people of a specific country and what is appropriate for them and their culture. I didn’t quite get it then but now I know better. I was amazed to see horses and donkeys walking up and down the street. They were moving through traffic along side the vehicles. There were cows and sheep standing along the road with their owners, just waiting to be sold. Men walked in front of their wives and daughters at all times and the women and girls almost never spoke at all while the men were in the room.

This was so different from the lifestyle that I had come from. At 10 years old, from Chicago, Il., my mind was simply blown. Muslim-Arabs pretty much populate and dominate much of the Middle-East. My mom and I stood out like strawberries in a bowl of mustard! I couldn’t see myself making friends or living comfortably in this region of the world. I was different, I had different world views and upbringing, different habits and ideas of what were considered good manners and appropriate. It wasn’t until years later when I embraced the diversity of the world around me that I found a way to fit in within myself and become more accepting of others in their natural environment. People can feel when you genuinely respect their lifestyle and ways of living without judgement and without trying to change them to fit into your picture.

Learning to fit in is not about becoming someone else or changing who you are but rather knowing who you are, being comfortable in your own skin, being okay with who others are and still open-minded enough to share their experience in celebration of the brilliant ways in which we are all alike but different. After 35 years of living and traveling throughout the Middle-East and Africa, I have become accustomed to others curiosity of me and I welcome with open arms the same cultural differences that once made me feel uncomfortable, alone and inferior. I have since connected and created lifelong bonds with people from many diverse backgrounds. Today, I still don't fit in because I pride myself on standing out and I have embraced that unique quality wholeheartedly within myself and with others.