I've been given different advice through the years as is comes to a lasting relationship. The counsel given ranges from newly committed to half- century with one spouse. Each pointer or tip, if you will, given was slightly different from the other. I can respect that for multiple reasons. I’ll give you two good ones. ONE: obviously every kinship is different because no two relationships are exactly the same; similar, maybe, but never identical. TWO: people are just at different stages in life as well as the relationship they are involved in.
From the advice given to me from some wise men and women to help me on my path of love, happiness, and making beautiful chocolate babies, there was one consistent statement: “Each level of the relationship requires a different level of you.” This simply means laying aside old habits and developing new effective practices. A simplistic way is...YOU MUST GROW UP A LITTLE MORE! This would definitely require an inward search of one's self and sometimes a hard dose of reality, which doesn't feel good in the beginning but will serve as a tool to freedom as you move toward being the best version of you ever made. This will ultimately reflect on how you value and treat each other.
Now do yourself a favor. Step back, no, really take a good look at the habits developed over the years. Ask yourself: are they good or are they not good for you? If not, then at this point there's a decision that needs to be made.
We often become too common with the very habits that poison our chances to move forward in any loving relationship, friendship, companionship, even in life. The beauty of this is, it doesn't only apply to relationships. We can use this statement in every facet of our individual lives.
Now in marriage, realize that you’re thinking for two now. Not in the sense that she is incapable of thinking for herself but rather she depends on you as a man to make an intelligent and God-driven decision that will affect your lives for the better.
In the first level of the relationship process (dating), this isn’t something normally practiced for this simple reason: You are thinking for yourself. (Selfishness seems to be the driving point of life.) Now understand this, in the dating stage you are two separate people with two separate lives looking for a common ground. So, it’s not required to take that type of responsibility. Understand, some do, in the world we live in today, we treat dating like the great parts of a marriage sometimes that can confuse and be a hindrance to the order and progression of the relationship. The total commitment of what comes into play as it regards marriage is not there in most cases.
We pretty much want the cake without the calories. My grandmother called it “playing house.” It doesn’t work effectively.
Now, remember I mentioned that each level requires a different you. This level is arguably the most important of all stages. This is when you both have made the decision the look inward and not outward (not pointing out each other's faults constantly but instead, finding ways to change your not-so-good behaviors).
You both have decided to become a little less selfish (realizing you are still two separate people and live different lives); you develop healthier habits and new patterns. At that very moment, then and only then, your relationship reaches new levels.
Here’s a time where you both are rooting for each other more and you can communicate effectively—sometimes without speaking a single word. You can find it easier to forgive and you hold each other accountable for bringing your strengths to the relationship and you take into consideration each other’s weakness. This requires work! Openness, vulnerability, honesty, trust, and love. Will this take dedication? Yes. But no one is beyond reaching this level. The key is patience; not only focus on your worth as a individual but one your partners value has you grow.
If you make him/ her your priority, then it can be achieved. Good Luck! You can do it!