The quiz

The sun shone into the window of her fourth-story flat, the reflection from the neighboring skyscraper created a laser-like reflection where the marble tile met the wall, and Edgar, the cat thought it was his own personal play toy. Shazi had placed a special crystal on the window, the kind that made rainbow spectrums shoot all over the room, she stood up from her perch at her desk to walk over and tapped the crystal, creating confetti of rainbow splatter, Edgar pounced delightfully down the hallway chasing rainbows.

Shazi smiled.

It was the small things that lit her up. She knew in her heart that she wasn’t hard to please even though her mother insisted she must be, for how many 27-year-olds did she know that had not yet married. It was a big deal for her mother, but Shazi was a dreamer, and very loyal to this dream, her childhood was full of watching her many aunts and uncles divorce. It seemed to motivate her siblings and cousins in a different way than it did her. Instead of being like them, and clinging onto a partner even though it was obvious that the match was not true. She took a more independent route, heavily dependent on her own imagination.

Her episodic dating history was also void of the romance she desired. It was as if Shazi could sustain her thirst for love by living “with her head in the clouds” as her mother put it. The truth was it was protection, it provided for her a way to comfort herself, without risking a broken heart.

Instead of online dating, like many of her peers, she went for the therapy path. Her rationale was that if she was able to heal herself maybe she wouldn’t be so obsessed with finding someone to spend her life with and fantasizing over her imaginary boyfriend or fiancé.

She flashed momentarily on one of the first dates she went on when she was using a dating app. First off, her best friend Sasha had created this profile for her, which was chock full of half-truths. Sasha had created a dream-like description of her, for instance, it said she was an avid mountain climber and in reality, she watched many documentaries about mountain climbing and had only been hiking on a mountain that was less than 12,000 feet tall.

When she met Ajeet at the restaurant they had decided on, “Blake’s burgers”, he walks in and gives her a big hug before even asking if she was Shazi. Which was a red flag for her. After the awkward and unsolicited hug, while still holding her shoulders he says, “I can’t believe a girl like you would choose this restaurant — they do not serve merlot! Not even the kind from the box. “

She was surprised at this, for two reasons. One, she did not remember telling him anything about her wine preferences and she had a rule with herself that she would not drink alcohol on a date for the first three dates. This was to just make sure that sober she liked him, not the lonely, I’m-a-little-tipsy version of her. The later version ‘she' fell fast, and had many regret-filled stories to tell from those days.

It just didn’t go anyplace with him, and that was pre-pandemic. Now things were different. So therapy seemed like the smart option. Shazi was adventurous. Over the years, she took all sorts of approaches, talk therapy - which only made her feel like she was re-living her childhood traumas over and over, without much real change. She did integrative therapy, EMDR, cognitive-based therapy, humanistic therapy, Behavior therapy, she journaled, and meditated but the strangest therapy she had ever tried was with a healer. He was not only a licensed therapist, he was also covered by her insurance and trained in the Wim Hoff method, which in short is a method with three pillars that incorporates breathing, being exposed to very cold temperatures, and making a commitment.

Her therapist always wore an orange tee-shirt and a speedo, which seemed so strange, and she was glad that they met on zoom, so it wasn’t too awkward. Although Shazi tended to keep her video off, he would do the exercises with her, mostly breathing, sometimes she would break down and cry. And they would discuss and then after a few months, they started incorporating an ice bath into the session, which would happen after the breathing, and explain the speedo. Without planning for it, this subject would be a hotbed of conversation for her future dates.

This was an incredible high for Shazi, and after some time she began to notice how she was really opening up to new things. The commitment tier of this program was what really allowed her to start thinking about dating again. She learned that doing something no matter how silly or simple it was, but doing that thing every day really created trust within her. And that trust helped her gain confidence in her inner knowing, which was what she had been previously looking for in someone else. She had been dating as a way to reassure herself that she was enough. She was looking for outside validation, and fun too, but mostly the validation.

She signed up for online dating and for the first time in her dating career, a whopping nine years, she made her own profile and was honest. She began meeting men for 15-minute mini-meetings on zoom. With the pandemic raging outside this gave her an opportunity to have some fun. After her zoom date or dates for the evening, she would pull out her favorite bottle of wine. She loved the color of it when it was held up to the light, and the taste was fruity-ish, she liked how the back of her tongue perked up after a sip.

The wine itself spoke to an old imaginary story she told herself. Another thing that had changed after therapy and orange tee-shirt guy was that although she was creative with her imagery she no longer relied on it as a way to escape her current reality.

Ben was Shazi’s game-changer, they had great zoom chemistry. He would make her laugh, she didn’t feel judged and it was great, on the 5th zoom meeting he said, “I know you like wine, I have an idea. Let’s both go to brightcellars.com and take the quiz, you take it as if you were answering for me and I will take it for you. “

And so they did, keep in mind these two had never really drunk together, seen each other from head to toe, or seen each other eat anything. Shazi loved this playful idea he had. The bright cellar's quiz was easy, seven questions, and made for insightful conversation starters afterward.

They decided to choose one wine from the list they had been given at the end of the quiz for the other person and bought it. They would meet on a Saturday in 14 days at a park, each would bring picnic items and also the wine, Ben said he would be sure to bring a wine opener.

Because of all the cautions associated with a pandemic, they decided they would quarantine for those 14 days before the meeting. Ben’s mother was in a high-risk category and it was important to Ben to make sure that he be safe especially for her. Shazi was happy to support this, family was important to him, she enjoyed their talks and how she was able to get to know him, he was funny and a good listener.

Both of them were excited and terrified about this date, technically their first one. Shazi had ordered special wine glasses to bring with, and had specialty cheeses, grapes and crackers delivered. She knew what she would wear should it be warm or cold. She had been practicing her healer therapist's routine with breathing and ice baths and was feeling good. Edgar had been a very good supporter of all of this, sunning himself in the sun shadows pouring in from the windows, a subtle movement of his tail or grooming of his paw was enough to signify a supportive answer to her, musings about "do you like this one better or should I stick with that one?" in reference to her clothing, or online grocery items.

The day came and she headed out on that warm Saturday for their 3 pm first date. There was a slight breeze on the trees and the grass was warming in the sun, sending a fragrant aroma up into the air. The scent hit her and made her smile, it was a happy scent to her. Bringing confidence that felt like summer and relaxing in the hammock as a child. The memory of the playground with the surrounding park that they were meeting at had many shrieks of laughter and stern shouts from mothers. It used to be a busy place. The playground now stood empty, she knew that people were now allowed to visit the parks but no one was here now, she struggled down the path, the bag she had chosen to hold the picnic items had a way of hiking up the hem of her dress. No one else was there to see this, donning her mask nonetheless. The unexpected effort along this jaunt made her feel suddenly flushed. She stopped in the path and took a deep breath, and remembered the orange tee-shirt guy, her practiced breathing seemed to flush the anxiety produced by this event. And she headed on, under the big oak tree, there was a squirrel eating an acorn and looking at her as if to say hello. She set down the bag, and that is when she saw Ben heading across the park, his long muscled legs and dark hair reflecting the sun, making her blush. He too had a mask on. And it seemed to add to the excitement here. He helped her unfold the blanket and they talked easily, he brought a mini portable speaker and played for her baroque style music by yo-yo ma, she swooned inwardly, judgments made about her poofy hair, adventurous spirit, and spunky glasses, most people were surprised to learn that she adored classical music.

She began laying things out on the sturdy blanket for them to munch on and they joked about how wearing masks in this way was sort of a flirtation. This mystery of wondering what they really looked like without the filters of the interwebs. Out of his bag, he playfully slid a bottle of wine called Jetbird, a merlot that was full-bodied and had baking spice hints. “Would you like a glass of Merlot?” He said, holding the bottle out for her to examine. “Why yes!” she said, fetching the glasses she had brought special for their date. She held the glass up in the sunlight and audibly cooed. The color was magnificent. The wine was delicious, she loved the fruity flavors, he liked it too. They sat and ate, explored each other's faces mask-free, drank slowly, and soon it was time for his recommendation she brought a white wine called Ochavado, it was a Chardonnay, and had hints of peach and lemon, very light and refreshing. Although to be honest by the time she tried his, all she was thinking about was their future. It too felt light and refreshing.