The Potential Pangs of Being the "Good Guy"

Hot on the heels of "The Perks of Being a Gentleman" (and, a bit, "Could It Have Been Because of Me?") comes "The Potential Pangs of Being a Good Guy (and Why We're Still Needed)."

"Hey, c'mon; I'm a NICE Guy!"

(Usually said promptly after the preceding STATEMENT of pressure/harassment, if not the ACTIONS, would suggest otherwise).

This used to be a common theme on "TGIF" on ABC (particularly, on Step By Step, where such an encounter happened to at least two out of the three girls at least once. Guess what, any situation was resolved shortly thereafter, "AWWE" moment, because...Friday nights on ABC)."

The meh-not-so-nice-"Nice"-guy wasn't exactly only a sitcom trope. That character concept came from somewhere.

Sorry; back to life, back to reality...

...As a lifelong single guy, I have always convinced MYSELF, at least in the moment, that I'm the nice guy; and maybe I am. I approach *girl* ("Hillary" [the "nice" guy might feel slighted and resort to her real name; the GOOD guy should probably stick to pseudonym]) about my feelings; she tells me off as gently and soothingly as she can without making a scene any more awkward than my initial conversation matter was for her; I...pretend that nothing's happened and continue to greet her/share our weekly repartees as if nothing has happened (That's what the "nice" guy should do, right? I mean "why treat her any differently just because...?")

...Because "Hillary" WANTED to be treated differently. When "Mr. Nice Guy" swung for the fences, shot out of his league, and got..."turned down" (that's honest and not derogatory), SHE wanted less "physical" friendship out of it as well (stop sign on the embraces that she had initially put out there, no gifts, ...maybe a little less talking week after week).

...oh; and less Facebook correspondence with my very first Facebook friend; with the only way to present THAT lesson being the unceremonious "blocking" that meant the loss of an important friend to me, let alone anything more...

The nice guy didn't see this one coming; the GOOD guy could have made some anticipations and may or may not have saved an important friendship and social media correspondence.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with AUTHENTICALLY being the "Nice" guy; but there should be rules of conduct. A NICE guy can lament always being alone as the women around him pursue other guys; but do NOT disparage the reputation of/speak (maybe even start with THINK...) too unkindly of the woman who turned him down (Oh; and not bash the reputation of the guys that the women are actually pursuing either unless there IS probable cause for doing so). The NICE guy can take a rejection and still make the ATTEMPT to be still awkwardly friends; but one must HONOR a rejection (and the boundaries around "Continued Friendship..." just became the woman's call). In essence, the "Nice" guy is allowed to lament "always being alone," "having fewer friends," "...finishing last;" but let's NOT let our words/behaviors detract from being "nice."

There are plenty of NGINO's (Nice-Guys-In-Name-Only) out there. The world needs more AUTHENTIC nice guys; and they're the GOOD guys.

The GOOD guy is still human (or he's dull) and he'll still stumble from time to time. He'll realize that 90% of the ownage for his own errors and stumblings should go to him and he'll make an active attempt to do better.

Now, just because I'm striving to make a turn around and upgrade from the "nice" guy to the GOOD Guy doesn't mean that this road is without its pains (the RIGHT road to take is very rarely completely unobstructed)...

NOT TAKEN SERIOUSLY

In a world surrounded by "nice" guys who aren't always taken as seriously as people as they might be, the GOOD guy might be taken even LESS seriously.

There is a chance that, for as looked down upon as the nice guy is, the GOOD guy may be even more so; including by the *NICE* guys.

The good guy might have to "come in last" for a little while longer before he can come out on top. But when mecca is reached, and done so HONESTLY and in AUTHENTICITY, it will be worth it.

NOT ABOVE SUSPICION

So many perpetual perpetrators of not-so-nice motives are "really nice guys" (and, when in doubt about their niceness, ask them).

I blame...Friday-nights-on-ABC-in-the-early-90s.

No, wait; I blame...the-pervy-perp-from-the-hitchhiking-two-parter-of-"Diff'rent Strokes." (NOT the two-parter that still haunts a lot of people for its realism; but a DIFFERENT "Very-Special"-Multi-Part Story Arc just the same).

...Maybe these characters and caricatures came from SOMEWHERE (albeit that their antics were stilted).

Too many "nice" guys have their downfalls. It happens to all of us. Too FEW "nice" guys then OWN their downfalls and strive to do better when they can blame (the woman/the group who turned them down/the man that the woman pursues/society/friends/family/literally-anyone-ELSE).

The GOOD guy can look within, be honest with himself, and strive to make amends by putting an ATTEMPT out there to amend his ways later. Maybe, initially the striving GOOD guy will be treated with the suspicion of a "Nice-Guy-In-Name-Only." There are too many of them out there tainting the reputations of the authentic Good Guys. Take heart, know that the world leads you, and shally forth to continue to do what is right...

WE'RE NOT SUPERHEROES/SUPERIOR

GOOD guy is not the upcoming Disney movie, "FREE Guy" (I'm not going to lie; the trailers for that movie look really good).

Punch us, we bleed.

Stumble, we fall.

See someone who strikes our fancy, our heart beats faster (as the first, and most potentially INNOCENT, reaction).

...and when we lose sight of ourselves, we DO fall short of the ideal.

The good guy, no matter HOW noble and authentic, can still be looked down upon, shunned, dismissed, and, yes, even have his motives treated with suspicion by the uninitiated (whether through any fault of his own or not, the misunderstanding might also NOT be the suspicious party's fault either. I don't know what they've been through).

One more thing: even the good guy messes up from time-to-time. We're fallible; not machines. We don't have THAT particular advantage over the not-so-nice-nice-guys and certainly not over the creeps/jerks/tools who wear that like a badge of honor. Besides, WHAT "good" individual only ever pats themselves on the back for remedial tasks or tells others how GOOD they are (that comes back to "...I'm REALLY a nice guy when you get to know me.") Good; live/speak an example of that and, eventually, OTHERS will make that assessment of your character for you...

EXTRA FORGIVING

For all of the walking-on/shunning/taking advantage of/suspicion, the "Good" guy has every right to lose heart and walk away from his endeavors. He has every reason (not a right) to think vengeance, in WORD, let alone deed.

He ACTS on any of this and he's lost his way (and it can be rather humiliating to have to be openly honest enough with another party to fight your way BACK to the position that you strode for for so long. You'll have to give up a lot of miles to any party whom you've ACTUALLY wronged; and they've EARNED at least part of your recompense).

Back to YOU being extra forgiving of OTHERS. You may have to turn the other cheek more often. You may have to look at an unwanted situation in front of you, take some extra time, and still say "yes, I can do that for you" (and MEAN it). You may have to be more patient and understanding when you DO have that dialogue when you stick up for yourself and your ideals (because if you stew in silence because "meh-it'll-go-away-on-its-own;" well, the pain of resentment usually "goes away" because it's finally been relieved in a very public and painful explosion of harsher-honesty-than-intended, angry words, embarrassingly raised voices, and humiliating sobs).

WOW; OKAY; SO WHY BE THE GOOD GUY???

...Because it's worth the risk and the effort for self improvement.

Because the world needs us and COULD, one day, appreciate us.

Because it's right.

...WE'VE TALKED ENOUGH ABOUT THE "NICE-GUY-IN-NAME-ONLY," BETWEEN TV TROPES AND YOUR PERSONAL EXPERIENCE. WHAT'S THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN AN AUTHENTIC NICE GUY AND THE GOOD GUY?

There it is.

A GOOD guy IS an AUTHENTIC nice guy (or at least strives to be and seeks honest amends when he is wrong).

We're no more bulletproof/infallible/always-decent as anyone else; we STRIVE to make necessary improvements when we (yes, us too) ARE wrong.

Again, striving to BE the good guy (not constantly putting on/removing a mask at our leisure; "unmasking" is exhausting. It's 2021; after the 2020 we had, I promise, no further "mask" references) can feel like a lonely road. It can feel plagued with potholes. It is still a road worth traveling if the spirit is willing and the body/mind/sense of dignity can take it...

"The Potential Pangs of Being the Good Guy" and "The Perks of Being a Gentleman," understandably, only have a certain target audience in mind (hint: "There is a substrata of women who are more than welcome to read these as well and use them to share with their sons/brothers/boyfriends/potential suitors/etc. or use them to read men, on an individual level, in a different light). The author, a *young*ish cisgendered lad of thirty-(BLEEEEEP!) can only write ARTICLES from one perspective. His...I mean MY...I mean HIS...FICTION can more easily cross genders as suitable for the character.

Anyway, he thanks you for reading today. Maybe you got something out of this just as he got something out of literally writing it.

Carry on; and write on, fellow Vocal-ists...