The Petrified World Of Love

It will be another Valentine soon, and Charlotte is more scared than ever. She is going to spend the day alone. Her past relationships have all ended in disasters, and she is even more afraid of getting into another one. Yet she is a person who desires love (don't we all?), she is a passionate and wild lover. She doesn't believe in living a single life. Celibacy and aloneness scared the hell out of her. 

'This is when I should be wild with my dream man', she moaned to Gloria on the phone, her roommate at the Wellesley Home, a social care cottage where they were once residents. ''And now at over 25, there will be no man sending me roses, I haven't offended anyone, have I?''

Gloria always tried to encourage Charlotte that she is still young at 25 years but it seems like she is just talking into space. And she knows why. Charlotte started being sexually active at a very young age of fourteen, throwing herself into men carelessly without a care in the world. Oftentimes, Gloria is left covering for her escapades. Now she may have to nurse her brokenness. 

They are the same age, but Gloria is fed up with mothering Charlotte. She never listens to good advice. She has her idea of a perfect man and sex. What is she going to do? She wonders to herself, although she appreciates the bond between them. She knows she is the number one confidant, Charlotte has.

''I can send you roses if you want'', she suggested to Charlotte. ''What name do you want me to put on the card? Come on, Charlotte, what is the ideal name you want your man to have, you have always come up with your idea of what a perfect man should be. It shouldn't be difficult to come up with an ideal name, will it?

Charlotte laughed out aloud. ''What will I do without you, Gloria?'' 

''Asking for names now brings back nasty memories, you know. I have to start assessing each of my exes. I really don't want to do that''.

 ''Then I can come up with a name for you, I want to be your love angel, this Valentine!'' 

''Okay, Gloria. I will think about that, but I really don't want to deceive myself. I want a real man. I want to curl up with a man, you know what I mean. I miss the real thing!! Bye darling, talk to you soon.'' She hung up.

''Why on earth is life passing me by?'' Charlotte wondered once again that she is alone in her apartment. Could it be because she wants sex all the time? She thought she could be putting good men off. She thought about Gary, the best of them all. ''Oh, how I love Gary.'' And he just fizzled out, cooling up until he disappeared. They never really had any issue at all. Perhaps I could have shown more affection when he was cooling down. As much as I enjoyed Gary lovemaking, no way am I running after any man, even for his fantastic ''bedmatic.'' She thought to herself.

 There was loads of thought going through Charlotte. Oh my goodness, I want Gary back!. I wonder what he is doing now. I can just send him a text, just to say, I miss you, and still waiting for your call. How will that sound? I can ask Gloria, Nooooooo, Gloria is a saint. I know what she will say, ''Never run after any man. If he is yours, he will come back to you.''

Charlotte was not able to sleep, she was looking for ways to get Gary back, and when she looked at the time, it was past 02.17 hours in the morning. Luckily, there is no going out, she is working from home, and she is able to manage the day.

The idea of having someone on Valentine triggers the interest working to contact Gary again. I hope he is free to date again, she thought to herself. ''Oh God, let Gary be free''. Suddenly she wants to work on getting Gary back, and she knows she will.

Charlotte is bent on doing all she can to get Gary back, and she is not going to take things lightly. I learnt in my empowerment course that you have to work hard for whatever you want. And that is what I am going to do just now. She said to herself. 'Do all I can to get Gary, and if we are back just in time for Valentine, it will be a double celebration. And we can even get married this year. Yes, it is all possible, the teacher said. Determine what you want, plan for it, take actions. I better put all that to practice now.'

Charlotte is more determined than ever, she does not want to fail, so refers to her notes on the Empowerment tutorials, which she hasn't referred to since she left the class a year before. She wants to follow and act on it step by step.

Charlotte brought out the tutorials. The first step. Do you know what you want? If you do, then write it down. Also, write down the steps and actions to get you there. Then go for it by taking the needed actions. 'Yes, I know what I want and I am going for it.' She said to herself.

Charlotte turned on the television to see the programs and what she can watch. She is already getting excited about having a wonderful Valentine after all. 

''I must check the online catalogue of Pret-a-Porter for a special dress to welcome Gary back into her life''. 

Flicking through the channels, she suddenly saw an ad from a psychic, ''Don't be alone this Valentine, let me help you get the love of your life back. Special Offer for this Valentine. This week only. Phone 12345, or email [email protected]''

''WOW, this is perfect! The universe does love me. I am not going to spend Valentine alone after all. Yes, as I wish it, so it shall be''. She giggled to the ad, she paused on the screen. 

''I am not sending any email at all. I am just going to call right away. The Valentine day is just days away, and I want Gary badly.''

She dialled the number, trying to be as stable as possible. 

''Hello, is that Mermaid, the psychic? 

''Yes, my sweetie, you are speaking directly to Mermaid my dear.'' 

''Oh, this is Charlotte, how are you? That name is funny, you know. How come?''

''You see, you are drowning, and I am the mermaid sent to rescue you''! 

''WOW'', Charlotte laughed aloud. ''I love that''. 

Charlotte explained that she does not want to be alone this Valentine, and she loves Gary. He is the best of all the guys, she dated. How everything about Gary was perfect until he just cooled down, and she was too carefree to bother chasing after him. Now she wants him back. 'I very much hope he is free for us to get back together.'

''That should not be a problem, dear. Give me his full name and date of birth''

''Gary Robinson. 9th November 1995''

''Your fee to check on Gary's is just one hundred dollars, dear. Your card number, please.''

''Oh, sorry, give me a few minutes to get my card.''

Charlotte called out the card details, and Mermaid told her to call back at 3 pm the following day. ''WOW, I can't believe it is happening so quickly''. She danced around her apartment in circles until she realised she still paused the Mermaid's ad on the television screen. ''Oh, this can go now, don't need it again''

Charlotte cannot wait for the following day to come. She eagerly called Mermaid, but then she froze at what she heard from Mermaid.

''I'm afraid, Charlotte, it's not good news at all. I first checked on him. I saw him buried deep down at Highgate Cemetry.''

''What!, yes he lives close to Highgate, buried? Does that mean he is dead then?''

''I believe so, dear. I asked him if he knows Charlotte Paige. He definitely remembers you, Charlotte, but got annoyed for not checking on him when he was ill. He said you never really love anyone except yourself.''

''That is not true. Yes, I was wild and carefree, but I do love Gary. He was the best of all the men I had. Oh Gary, dead? Of what? He was a strong and healthy young man.''

'' He told me he died of COVID-19. He is happy according to him, but wants you to learn and think more about others, other than yourself. He said he wouldn't come back to you even if he was alive, as he doesn't believe you love him enough.''

That's a shame. I do love Gary. Oh Gary, please forgive me. I never knew your absence was because of illness. Yes, it was my ego. 

I learnt my lesson. Gary fizzled out, and I never bother to check his reason. I was too young and carefree. Oh my goodness. Gary dead? It is difficult to take in!!!!!!!!!! 

Now I am going to use the Valentine to mourn Gary, he will be in my heart. After all, to this day he is still the love of my life.