The Most Important Date Of All

This is the one.

The date I’ve been waiting for. The one I’ve postponed for too long. The one I’ve waited on for too long. The one I should have gone on a long time ago. The ONE. And as I sit here and put my makeup on, I can’t help but smile into the mirror.

You see, I’ve been waiting all my life to find that perfect person. That person who makes me whole and connects with my soul. That person who makes my stomach flutter. That person who makes life worth living. I’ve been waiting for THAT kind of love. That love that gives life meaning. That love that you only see in fairytales and movies. That love that makes you feel like a brand new person. And after all of this time, I think I’ve finally found it.

That’s what I thought about as I smiled ear to ear, stroking my cheeks with my favorite rosy blush and finishing my look with a dark red lipstick that matched the hue of the rich Merlot I sipped out of my special wine glass as I prepared myself for this special night.

The best part of all was that I wasn’t even nervous. I was as calm and steady as I was excited; prancing around my room, wine in hand, to the songs playing on my favorite radio station. Even more of a miracle was the fact that I wasn’t stressing over what to wear. I knew I’d feel good in anything because for once, I didn’t fear judgment on a first date. I finally felt comfortable in my own skin.

I slipped on my best black dress before taking one last look into the mirror. “Perfect.”

Now, it was time to figure out dinner. Because of the lockdowns in place due to the Coronavirus Pandemic, this date would be a little different. It was the first time I’d have a first date at my home, but I wasn’t even the slightest bit concerned. No fear, no reservations, no doubt- I was ready for this!

I briefly contemplated cooking before deciding to take the easy route and order takeout. “I’m going to indulge!” I said excitedly to myself before picking up the phone to order rib eye steaks with a slew of sides from an upscale restaurant down the road.

The doorbell rang about 30 minutes later and I rushed with excitement to to greet the deliveryman and hand him a generous tip for bringing the evening’s precious cargo.

The wine was getting to me now and the aroma of the juicy medium-rare rib eyes filled the kitchen as I plated one alongside some creamy, garlic mashed potatoes; mac and cheese; cheesy garlic bread; and roasted vegetables. “Only one thing left to do,” I thought as I proceeded to pour myself another glass of Merlot. And now, my feast was ready! I carried my plate and wine over to the couch, made myself comfortable, and put on my favorite TV show.

“Yes, this is the one,” I muttered. “This is the perfect date. Just me, myself, and I.”

This was the date I’ve postponed for too long; a date with myself.

All these years, I’ve searched for things in a lover that I should have been searching for in myself. I wanted someone to complete me, but it took me much too long to realize that I needed to complete myself first.

Loneliness is a funny thing; a tricky thing. It makes you forget who you are and look outward for comfort in others. It makes you desperate, foolish, irrational. It makes you fantasize about romance and that perfect partner who will bring you that perfect love. But what about the love you give to yourself? Because THAT is the most important love of all; and that’s why THIS was the most important date of all.

After years of longing, romanticizing, and searching for love in others, I had finally learned to love myself. I learned that being alone was okay, I learned that self-fulfillment was essential, and I learned that loving myself was the way to true happiness. I didn’t need another half to make me whole; I needed to be whole on my own. And only then, would I be ready to accept someone else’s whole if that was in the cards for me. But if it wasn’t, that was okay too, because I’ve learned to be okay with me. I was my own perfect love. I was my own perfect person.

So I sat there, perfectly content, in my black dress on my comfy couch with my steak and wine, and had the best date ever with the most important person to me ever; Myself.