The lie (for the hard times)

Well, ladies, gentlemen, and children of all ages, I was told to tell a lie. So, I’m here to tell you about my walk for milk. To be honest, it was the most treacherous thing I have ever done. I got up, as I would any day, the time was a quarter till five. I decided to stay up since my alarm goes off at five and right away, I felt off. It is the same feeling you get when you have a test or court date. Despite it all I got up and noticed my floor was far from me. I didn’t know if I was on something, or if it was real. All I knew was I had to do something about it. I crawl to the edge of the bed, which wasn’t easy since I’m huge. Once there I creep down, but I can’t reach the ground. So, I call for lucky to throw me a rope. Lucky is my dog who sleeps in my bed.

I call him lucky on account he’s a cat. But he throws me the longest one in the shed next to the bed. I tie it off and repel down. once on the ground I look for the door. It is normally a little small, but today it is as big as a mountain. I approach it and wonder what I’m going to do. Then it hits me if I’m small then I will go under. Once under it got cold. For some reason it turned into an arctic tundra. As far as i could see was ice and snow. I figure the only way through is straight. I start in and about halfway through I run into Gregg, selling fire cones. I look at them but there all lemon, so I pass. I press on until I pop out the other side.

Now that I’m over the room is back to normal size, but suddenly the floor is lava. I jump on the pool table once on there I see that I can reach the refrigerator with the pool stick. I stretch over there, and the stick goes limp. I take out a Viagra I keep in my pocket; advice I got from my dad. I give it to the stick, and it turns into a bridge and I cross to the other side. Once there I encounter the gait keeper. I ask him what I need to do, but he just says, “Go get the stone.” I think for a moment and walk off in defeat. Then it hit me I have a nugget of weed in my back pocket, for luck. I hand it to him, and he lights it up letting me pass.

Now that I’m in the room face to face with the refrigerator. It stands up and stairs me down. as it is staring me down, an arena is erected around us and there is a cheering crowd. They are cheering for the fridge. I take a stance to fight when it pulls out a checkers board. I play him in two fiery rounds where money, love, and hate were shared. Once we finished, I lost. I wasn’t leaving a looser. I stabbed the fridge and cut him open. And that, people, is how my day started. I fought through the cold, heat, and all else to get my milk. What you want to believe is your own, but I believe it is real. Then again, I was hung over and it could have just been a short walk. Anyway, thank you and have a wonderful life.

The end