The Key to Living a Meaningful Life

Have you ever wondered what makes life truly meaningful?

For life to be full of meaning, we need to enrich it with different experiences.

The foundation of a meaningful life lies in the fact that we experience both pain and pleasure. The combination of successes and failures helps add meaning to our lives.

To live our life fully also means we need to engage in meaningful activities. But meaningful activities don’t always mean they’re pleasant and don’t cause us discomfort.

And that’s where the paradox in psychology lies:

Pleasurable activities are often also activities in which we experience pain and discomfort.

For example, if you’re a writer, you experience discomfort when you force yourself out of bed to write every morning when it’s pitch dark outside. Or say you have children, and you squeeze out every bit of energy to provide care and perform tedious chores.

Simples tasks like cooking dinner, cleaning after your pet, or tending to your garden are all meaningful activities, which can elicit both pain and pleasure.

Enjoying activities doesn’t mean they don’t give us any discomfort. But that’s what makes them meaningful. No matter if those activities give us pleasure or pain, they help enrich our lives with meaning.

We also engage in them because deep inside we want to feel strong and competent. And in the long run, pain can actually help us feel happier.

The Relationship Between Pain and Dopamine

According to psychologists, pain is part of what makes a person’s life meaningful. Not only that, the pain contributes to a dopamine boost. Do you wonder why?

You may think that to feel good all you need to do is to hyper-stimulate your brain with pleasurable activities. After all, what’s better than sitting down and watching Netflix shows on TV all day, soaking in a bathtub, and just doing nothing.

I know some people who during the pandemic had engaged in such activities for hours on end. Ironically, these are the same people who complained about how depressed and tired they felt.

Here’s the thing: Your brain craves contrast. It craves just as much stimulation from pleasurable activities as it does from painful activities that bring discomfort. Remember the old saying: Too much of a good thing is not good for you?

The brain is the same way — too much of the same will shut it down. For your brain to achieve equilibrium, it needs to balance pleasure with pain.

Too much pleasure and no pain is not healthy for your brain.

That’s why doing pleasurable monotonous activities can quickly get boring. Your brain will scream at you: Give me something new!

In this case, taking a “dopamine detox” will be beneficial in resetting your brain. And when you do that, you’ll be able to experience pleasure from other activities more fully.

How to Add Meaning to Your Life

Anyone can start living a richer and more fulfilling life by expanding their exposure to pain. The idea is that with some level of flexibility you turn to what’s uncomfortable.

Here are some tips to help you in that direction.

Open Up to Pain

To embrace pain means you have to be open to it by choice. That means that you don’t force yourself to do any activities, but instead approach them with a mindset of acceptance. When you choose to experience discomfort, it will change your relationship with pain. It all starts with your mindset. How you think about the pain will affect how you feel about it.

For example, when I wake up an hour earlier in the morning to write, it causes me minor inconvenience and discomfort. I feel tired and groggy and writing doesn’t always come easily. But I’ve learned to rewire my brain and tell myself that doing so will be beneficial for me as it will allow me to get my writing done and help me feel productive.

With any activities you’re engaging in, it also helps to look at how these activities are related to your overall purpose and meaning in life. For me, writing adds meaning to my life. So when I choose to write in the morning, I do it by choice, so I’m accepting whatever inconveniences I encounter that may make it difficult. And you, too, can make many similar decisions in life by choice, simply by telling yourself “Yes I recognize the fact that it is inconvenient for me, but I choose to take a step forward and accept what is uncomfortable.”

Open up to pain and accept it, don’t resist it.

In other words, your relationship with any activities, events, etc. can change if you change how you think about them. Whether you’re going after your health or self-fulfillment. No matter what your goals are, you can get up an hour early to write or an hour early to exercise-- all for your benefit. That decision starts with the choice you make for your good.

Focus on Purpose and Meaning

Many times we become disconnected and lose sight of our goals. Sometimes when experiencing setbacks, we get so caught up and overwhelmed from pain and discomfort that we forget where we are. We abandon our projects and we abandon our purpose. Those who succeed are persistent and push through even when it’s tough.

The way around it? Shift your attention to meaning and purpose. Make room for pain and discomfort but create even more room for purpose and meaning.

Simply put, if you focus on the meaning and purpose, it will help you balance out all the pain and discomfort you may be going through. Put the two on the balance scale — pain and discomfort on one side and meaning and purpose on the other side.

More meaning and purpose will open up the doors for greater tolerance and resilience. After all, we don’t become resilient overnight- it’s the choices we make in life that get us there. And the choices don’t always entail pleasures, it’s the other way around. People who succeed are persistent and push through despite the obstacles.

Stay in the Present

Often, life stress and worries can become overwhelming. You may have trouble sleeping because your mind is filled with anxious and negative thoughts before you go to bed. Or you may have physical discomfort within your body that makes you restless. The way to stop them is to focus on what exactly you’re experiencing, be it physical or emotional pain, and lean into it.

Staying in the present moment and connecting with your body will help you sort things out. Ask yourself: What are you experiencing?

By turning toward your body rather than turning away from it you give your mind the chance to explore what’s bothering you at any given moment. So instead of ruminating and worrying, you become an observer of the self. Pain becomes less scary and more manageable and you will come to accept it more.

For example, I often experience backaches, whether it’s from sitting down or working in my yard. So when I’m one with myself, I pay special attention to my back. If I sense tension and pain, I will recognize and accept my feelings, after which I’ll do back stretches or take Epsom salt baths.

Remind Yourself of Past Accomplishments

When you make a hefty goal or start on a new project, the process is undeniably difficult. The truth is, learning anything new isn’t easy- there’s a learning curve to everything. But as you build new skills and grow your mastery, you grow your confidence too. Pursuing your passions is never a smooth journey. There will be successes and failures, obstacles and setbacks.

The key point to keep in mind is that every time you start something new, whether it’s a new job or project, it can be hard in the beginning. But rather than feeling stuck in the danger zone of negative thinking, you can shift your mind to the things you’d done in the past that were just as challenging and you successfully overcame them. You can ask yourself: What else have I done that was so hard and meaningful and I did it. This simple shift in thinking will not only boost your confidence but will also help you stay on your path when the going gets tough. By broadening your perspective on life, you will have a better grasp of the situation.

The Takeaway

The foundation of the good life is based on meaningful experiences. To get the most out of life, you have to accept the fact that meaningful experiences come with pleasure and pain. Pain and discomfort are part of living a balanced and fulfilling life.

Opening up to pain and discomfort, focusing on purpose, staying in the present, and reminding yourself of past accomplishments will help you live a full life, rich in meaningful experiences.