The Importance of Safe Friendships

Watching the people we REALLY love, go through IT, can be trying for even the MOST understanding of people. But the inexpressible importance of having a safe place to work through our lives can be paramount in actually learning and overcoming whatever obstacle, heartbreak, letdown, or fears we are facing.

I can tell you right now, that the most difficult and heartbreaking things I dealt with, and subsequently overcame, were NOT in the presence of those who, "didn't agree," "don't like it," "can't deal with it," or said "this is too painful for me to watch."

It was in the presence of those who let me share the most scariest, grossest, toxic, weird, up n down, back 'n forth behaviour and feelings. ESPECIALLY IN RELATIONSHIPS. As a woman, you NEED your women to HEAR YOU. To hear your heart. Especially when it is in love. Having someone you TRUST to hear your heart entwined with another is a sacred bond. How can you possibly share the romantic complexities of your bond? Well this special friend allows you to do your best, and gives you either wisdom to walk away with, or support to see you through it.

We must have faith in our closest loved ones' OWN intelligence of THEIR path. This is not your life. It is theirs. Supporting someone is not enabling them. Even if you do not agree or do not like their situation, I can assure you that belittling them, shunning them, or isolating them is not going to do the thing you think it's gonna make them do. This is that "holding space" thing everyone talks about. If they are in an abusive situation, a friend left without support, can actually be pushed right back into the very situation they need help OUT OF. Abusive dynamics are so complex, and it is ALREADY wrought with shame and guilt to even admit you're in one. Not to mention, the inevitable "well you're going to leave right?"... well... maybe, maybe not. Your judgement of someone isn't going to help them whatsoever.

When we express our hearts vocally, out loud, with words—WE can HEAR IT too. THIS IS PARAMOUNT. This is WHY we so desperately need those people to be safe, confidential sounding boards of our deepest feelings. Because it gives us the chance to work through it in a different way. This is why talk therapy with a professional can be so effective. But if you're lucky like I am, you have about three or four friends who pretty much have PhDs in psychology, astrology, and human relationships anyways (LOL).

It takes emotionally strong people to witness suffering. To sit with those in the dark. To see a struggle. And it is THOSE people who get what being a support and a friend REALLY is. I don't need you when we are in the limo on the way to the party—anyone can do that. I need you when the lights at the club come on after last call, we are all drunk, and there are no cabs. The party is over.

Without friends like this, I would not know myself as deeply as I do. Or learned what I have. And finally moved on. If you have a person like this in your life, express this love and appreciation to them. And extend the same honor to them, by offering yourself. Together we are all stronger.

This is my public way of thanking all those incredible girlfriends (you all literally know you are), for trusting MY intelligence in my path, as my own captain of my own journey. Y'all are the best skippers a gal could ask for <3