The History and Evolution of Dating

From generation to generation and throughout history, the way we live our lives changes. The things that people did generations ago might very well be looked at with a few raised eyebrows and head shakes. At the same time, if those that have lived centuries before us could see how much the world has changed, they’d have their heads spinning.

Let’s take something that is a huge part of life — dating. Many of us have explicit opinions on dating and expectations. From what’s acceptable on a first date to who should pay for dinner.

No matter your opinion on dating, it is amazing how much it has changed throughout history.

1800’s The Courtship

Although we would consider it dating today, in the 1800’s to early 1900’s, the term dating was unheard of. It was known as courting and it was strictly supervised. Going out in public with a member of the opposite sex you were courting without any supervision or approval was unheard of.

Potential couples met in a number of ways: at a private dinner or tea gathering. They also met out in a few select public places. Again, any meeting was strictly supervised.

Those that dated, were to follow strict expectations and were limited on how much they could say to each other. There would be no touching, not even so much as a handshake. Even that was considered too intimate. When dating, a chaperone was always required. No exceptions. Going out alone with the one you were courting would have been seen as scandalous in the 1800’s to early 1900’s. A young unmarried woman was never to be alone with the opposite sex. A chaperone was most often an older family member although sometimes a trusted female friend would fill the role.

If the potential couple liked each other enough and wanted to continue courting, they had to get permission from both families. The family had to be in the know through every step of the courtship.

Men were expected to make the first move. This is kind of interesting in the sense that even in today’s society, as with how far we have come, men are still expected to make the first move. Guys are quite often the ones to ask a girl out and ultimately if the time comes, the one to propose. They are still expected to be the pursuer. Of course, there are a few exceptions and I’ve known of a few women that took on the role of the pursuer and asked a guy out on a date.

However women had one empowering say — the power to refuse a courtship. A woman could decline a man’s desire to continue courting, his invitation to dance, even a proposal.

These were the societal expectation in the 1800’s. Especially having a supervised courtship. If any rebellion to societal expectations we experience today is any indication, we know that young men and women who courted would sneak off for some alone time together if only for a moment.

1900’s — 1920’s The Birth of Modern Dating

In the early 1900’s, dating was still heavily chaperoned. Instead of the parents, it was the man who initiated a potential courtship. If a woman caught a man’s interest, the man would meet at the woman’s house and as long as her family approved, would continue to court her under strict supervision within her house. Going out alone with a date was still unheard of and unacceptable.

It wasn’t until the 1920’s when dating started to take a significant turn and would start to become the dating we know today. Gone were the days of courting and having a chaperone around at all times. Dating was meant to be fun and it no longer meant the seriousness of finding an ideal suitor to marry.

Going out on a date in public was shifting away from being unheard of and unacceptable to becoming the norm. People were starting to go out to movies and dances and any public outing in general. During the prohibition era, dates were sneaking into undercover, secretive bars to sneak a few drinks. With the invention of the automobile, where a couple could go on a date was becoming more and more diverse and so was a couple’s freedom.

1930’s and 1940's

Come the 1930’s, another way to have a date came into existence — the drive in movie.

Going to a drive in movie for a date was the thing to do and quite honestly seeing a drive in movie sounds it would be a lot of fun!

With the invention of film and the rise of seeing movies, people were introduced and exposed to their outside world.

1933: the first drive in movie opens in Camden, New Jersey

In the 1940’s securing a date was more or less like a popularity contest. Popularity for a guy and “winning a girl over” fell on what kind of car he had, money, and clothing.

I’d say the desire to be popular based on material possessions has more or less stayed the same.

For women, it was simply being seen with the right guy at the right place.

The number of dates would could secure was valuable.

1950s and 1960’s Going Steady

The idea of “going steady” becomes a thing. “Going steady” with someone meant you exclusively dated that person. To show one’s seriousness and dedication in the relationship, something of value would be given to the person you were “going steady” with. This usually was the guy’s jacket or sweater.

During dating, neither could date or show any interest in anyone else. Despite the seriousness given the relationship, dating a person most often only lasted no more than a few weeks or even days.

Popular places for a date included the movies / the drive in, the ice skate / roller skating rink or maybe even the local soda fountain shoppe. It was popular for couples to go in groups.

Dating a person consisted of a guy and a girl hanging out on a date together, the guy driving or walking the girl home, with the girl’s hope that she’d get a kiss goodnight.

Dating Today To Swipe Right or Left?

Until the rise of technology, dating someone happened exclusively in person. There was no such thing as online dating. Online dating drastically changed what dating meant. With the existence of online dating, dating has become both easier and more complicated at the same time.

Today, there is really no limitation of finding a date. Securing a date today is as simple as swiping right and accepting a message. In today’s society, it is totally acceptable and even encouraged to venture outside your social circle and find someone maybe just a few blocks down or thousands of miles away.

With online dating, as people take dating into their own hands, finding a date has become even more personal to a person. Instead of meeting a potential date in public like the movie theatre through friends, people are meeting dates online in the comfort of their own living room. There are so many dating apps today each with their unique atmosphere. Appearance and first impressions on dating apps mean a lot in today’s dating world. It can mean the difference between someone swiping left or swiping right.

It’s inevitable that there will be a mix of opinions on the complexities of dating today. Is dating someone exclusively still a thing? What about casual dating as in dating more than one person at a time and the concept of open relationships? Is dating harder today than it was before a reality or merely an illusion and is just different?

It’s amazing how much dating has changed over time and maybe even more amazing, how some aspects about it hasn’t really changed much at all.