The End

“Can I get you folks anything for dessert?” the waiter asked us, smiling kindly.

Alex flipped open the small, black dessert menu and ran a finger down the list of items.

“I think we will just take two slices of chocolate cake,” he said, smiling back at the waiter. I thought I saw him wink, too, but I could have just been imagining it. I really didn’t want to get dessert, I just wanted this dinner to be over. Alex and I had been talking about separating for weeks now, and he just didn’t seem to want to accept that things were over. I still loved him and wanted him in my life as a friend, but he wanted more than that. I’d felt terrible about wanting a divorce in the first place, and him not wanting to let me go just made things so much worse.

“So how has the writing been going?” he asked me.

“Slow,” I paused. I could tell he wanted more than that, so I continued, “I just can’t seem to get any words out.”

“Ah, writer’s block,” he said, shaking his head up and down like he understood. I didn’t want to be annoyed, but I was. The constant questioning, talking, neediness, and trying to relate to everything I said was getting unbearable. I knew that when I finally came out with it and told him there was no chance of us getting back together it would devastate him. He’d already told me it would, and the grand-gesturing he was doing would just make him feel even worse in the end knowing that it was all for nothing. I didn’t want to have to do this. Even though things hadn’t worked out between us, Alex was a really good person and one of the last people I’d ever want to hurt, which was why it sucked knowing that I’d have to. I’d actually contemplated just staying and sticking it out, but I knew that wouldn’t be fair to either of us. He deserved someone who wouldn’t be faking it, and I deserved to be happy.

“Well don’t worry, I know you’ll think of something great,” he said, smiling across the table at me. This was the problem with our relationship, was that it had existed on the surface for the past five years. It never went deeper. Neither of us talked or communicated properly, feelings were ignored, problems swept under the rug, arguments went unresolved, and resentment began to fester inside both of us. I didn’t want to resent Alex, and I knew that ending our marriage would be the only way to salvage any relationship at all. He was the father of my kids and I didn’t want to hate him like my parents had hated each other. I wanted him to still be in our lives just as much as he was now, even when we finally moved into separate homes.

We sat in silence for a moment. It felt awkward. Needing to do something, I sipped some water from my glass and luckily saw our waiter headed our way with the slices of cake. And then I saw the candles on the tray next to the cakes. My stomach dropped instantly. I didn’t know what was going to happen, but I knew that this was going to be some other grand gesture from Alex. Our waiter arrived at our table, unloaded the plates from the tray, and placed two long taper candles on either side of the table, lighting them with a match. I felt so uncomfortable. All I wanted to do was run away. Alex thanked the waiter who then walked away, leaving us alone. My hands were shaking and I had broken out into a cold sweat. I felt like I was going to be sick.

“Amy,” he began, “I know that things haven’t been that great between us lately, and I know you haven’t been happy. I also know that I’m partly to blame for that. I can’t say how sorry I am, but I’m trying to show you and to prove to you that not all hope is lost, that things can still work between us. I still love you so much and I really hope that we can move forward from this. I know I haven’t lived up to the vows I made to you when we got married, so I have a new proposal for you,” he said, grinning widely. I felt like I was going to puke… and then he stood up from the table, walked over to me, and got down on one knee. It took everything in me not to run away from him and the situation that I now found myself in. I’d never been so uncomfortable or felt so guilty in my life.

“Alex,” I started, but he took my hand.

“Amy, before you say anything, please just let me get this out.” And then he pulled a small, white box out of his pocket and opened it. In it was a thin silver band with a solitaire diamond in the center. I clenched my jaw as the knots in my stomach tightened.

“I want to start over, try again from the beginning. So, Amy Ramirez, will you renew your wedding vows with me?”

The tears started falling down my cheeks. How could I say no to this man, who was trying so hard to win me back, who was doing literally everything he could to make things right and move forward? How could I do that? I couldn’t.

“Yes,” I said tearfully. Alex smiled, kissed my tear-soaked lips, and held me tight against him. A small sob came up and out of my chest.

“Shhh, it’s okay. Things will finally be okay,” he said, his mouth pressed against my neck. I cried even harder, knowing that there was no going back now. I would live this life with him, fake it all for him, so he could be happy. I cried because I knew I never would be.