Smile

“Smile,” the photographer said, shaking a rattle in Aurora’s direction, trying to get her attention. The camera clicked away in the hopes of catching one shot where Aurora wasn’t looking at the bale of hay she was perched upon. Her one-year-old senses were easily distracted by simple things, such as how the rough hay felt against her small hands. Getting a photo of her looking up would prove to be difficult.

Alex and Luna stood on either side of Aurora, each with a hand on one of her small shoulders, smiling into the camera. The photographer’s old barn was dimly lit and smelled of manure. It was hardly pleasant, not a place one wanted to pose for photos, but it made for some charming shots. Alex and Luna smiled, conveying the usual message of happiness that is expected of family photos. Smiles were often forced, especially in the old, smelly barn, but it was easy to see if true happiness lay below them. Alex and Luna’s smiles stayed on the surface. Their happiness was just for show.

“Okay,” the photographer said, standing and walking towards them, “let’s just let her explore while we get some shots of the two of you, and we’ll get more with her after,” she said, motioning to Aurora. Luna and Alex looked at each other. Each hesitated to move, the tension between them stretching and pushing them apart. Alex looked away first and down at his feet, the photographer oblivious to the sadness that flashed across both of their faces.

“Let’s get some shots in front of the horse stalls,” she said as she switched her lenses. Alex and Luna followed her over, careful to keep some distance between them.

Luna wondered if the camera would capture the redness in her eyes. She’d been up until 5 am crying and had barely gotten two hours of sleep. Now, at 6 pm, she knew her makeup skills and eye cream were no match for her tired, puffy eyes. All she wanted was to go to sleep and forget about everything. Instead, she moved closer to Alex and put her arm around his waist, and re-plastered her fake smile on her face. Divorce be damned, she’d paid over $200 for these photos and she was going to get her money’s worth.

“Okay, now that we’ve gotten some candids, I’ve got some cute poses for you two! So first, turn into each other and Alex, put your arms around her waist, and Luna yours around his shoulders.”

Alex felt Luna stiffen beside him. They had known this would be uncomfortable, but she’d insisted on going. He didn’t understand why. Who would want pictures capturing a couple who had just decided to divorce? They’d spent all night talking through things and come to the conclusion that separation was in everyone's best interest. There were no hard feelings, in fact, they still had feelings for each other, but they had decided together that their marriage just wasn’t working anymore. They’d grown apart and wanted different things in life, now. He hadn’t wanted it to be this way, and he didn’t think she did, either, but they couldn’t keep going on like they were. They were already starting to resent each other, and he didn’t want that. He didn’t want to hate her and he most definitely didn’t want her to hate him. He still very much wanted her in his life and didn’t want to jeopardize their continued relationship. Luna looked up at him, and he could see the sadness in her eyes. He knew his mirrored hers.

“Great! Now, Alex, kiss her forehead.”

Luna held her breath as Alex bent down and gently placed his lips on her forehead like he’d done a thousand times before. She felt the tears start to well in her eyes and her throat start to tighten, knowing this may very well be the last time he ever kissed her. Luckily Aurora toddled over, disrupting them and distracting her from her feelings. She reached her small hands up, one to her and one to Alex.

“Mama, Dada,” she said in her sweet voice. Something about it, the outreached hands, the words said aloud, made the emotions Luna was trying to suppress come back even stronger, sweeping over her like a tidal wave. She turned away from them, pretending she had to cough, and discreetly wiped the tear that had fallen down her cheek. She hadn’t expected a simple photoshoot to be so hard.

“Awwww, that looks so cute! Let’s get some of the three of you now that Aurora’s not distracted.”

Alex picked Aurora up. He looked at Luna, but she wouldn’t meet his eyes. With his other arm he pulled Luna in and put his hand on her shoulder, squeezing gently, trying to let her know that he understood. Luna looked up at the camera, her face looking empty and hollow.

“Alright! One big happy family,” the photographer said, enthusiastically.

“Smile!”