The driving force behind marriage sometimes is fear and not love

Whenever the word "marriage" comes to mind, we often dream about this happily ever after fantasy that starts with that joyful, happy wedding day, where all of our friends and family gather around to celebrate the coming together of two people they know and love. The fantasy usually ends with those people sitting somewhere, looking pretty old, staring at the sunset while holding hands, and reminiscing about all their life experiences. Marriage has always been a tradition throughout human history. It is a sacred ceremony that binds two people and unites them into one entity that someday would eventually become what we all know as a family. Now the definition of the word family has extended outside the marriage of two partners as relatives, best friends, and even associates can be considered part of a family. However, marriage itself has been deemed to be an achievement in a person's life. Every time someone asks questions regarding one's future successes, marriage is usually often mentioned. In addition to being one of life's most considered successes, it can signify that a person has found true love. However, what if love was not the true motivation for marriage. What if fear is the driving force behind the reason most people got down on one knee and popped the question?

Many people wouldn't think that being afraid is the reason to lock down another person for the rest of their lives. We hear many times from the "woke" society that marriage is all about economics and not love. Whether that's true or not is irrelevant. I'm sure quite a few people know couples who have been married for a few decades and are still going strong. Therefore don't think I'm saying that love doesn't exist between two people who are married. However, I feel like the initial motive why many people choose to get married is a fear of something. After really thinking about it, I've narrowed it down to four types of fear. They are as follows: the fear of losing the person, the fear of losing stability and remain in extreme poverty, the fear of losing support and the responsibility of another, and the fear of dying alone. I'm going to expand a little on each as I go along but before I do, let me say that fear itself is a natural, humane emotion. However, fear is the wrong motivation to tie the knot because it caters too much to the ego. Meaning it makes a person worry more about their own desires and what they might lose rather than the needs of the other person and the relationship as a whole.

Let's start with the first one, the fear of losing the person. When we meet someone we are physically attracted to, we begin to grow a little attachment to that individual. When we focus too much on the physical aspect of that person, we can become slightly obsessed without realizing it. With attachment usually comes fear. Also, as we spend more time and have more intimate experiences with this person, the bond becomes stronger, and it becomes harder to detach ourselves from them mentally. Eventually, we tend to develop insecurities that sometimes force us to believe that this person is the best partner for us in this lifetime. The idea that we will never meet another person like that again. If this person were to ever get away from us, we would feel like we have to go through life alone and never be happy again. Of course, this is just the fear settling in as we become more attached to the individual. Thus, we see that the only solution to keep this person in our lives is to lock them down with marriage, or should I say to go into wedlock. The idea now is that once we are married, technically, we now belong to each other, and with the vows, we made in the eyes of God, somehow this will keep us together for better or worse. Unfortunately, because of free will, this is never the case. No one is genuinely bound to another, not even on a mental level. At any moment, someone can just up and leave us. However, the contingency for this is the consequences that follow if divorce were to occur. While I'm not going to get into those consequences, know that they are extreme enough to have some people think twice about leaving the marriage. Losing someone in any way should never be a reason to get married. In actuality, no one belongs to anyone.

We were born free of bondage. In fact, the only bondage we found ourselves in is the one in our mind. No, I'm not talking about the bondage of someone else physically holding you hostage against your will. That is a crime. I'm talking about the idea that we have no other option but to remain in whatever toxic situation where we feel trapped. Losing a person to another is just insecurity. If love is truly there between the two of you and not within just one of you, then no matter what happens today, tomorrow, or a decade from now, somehow, you will always be in each other's life. After all, that is the true definition of a soulmate.

Another fear that would make some people desperate enough to tie the knot is the fear of losing any form of stability. This is more common among those individuals we label as "gold diggers" or anyone too lazy to stand on their own two feet. So what happens here is someone gets lucky to have another person who provides them with financial stability. Then they become so comfortable and dependent on their partner to the point where they cannot see themselves without that person. Rather than playing a constructive and positive role in their partner's life, they would use specific tactics to guilt-trip their partner into staying in the relationship. Eventually, they force their hardworking and restless partner to tie the knot to symbolize their love for them. Of course, once married, these people now feel that they're locked down permanently with their partner, where they can now sit back and enjoy life. Sometimes they might even step out on their significant other during partying nights and having fun with friends. At the same time, their partner works tirelessly to provide them a stable home and a comfortable lifestyle. Usually, these marriages don't always last as the working individual gets burned out and eventually leaves that parasitic relationship. Now, as for the parasite itself, as I like to call it, they'll move on to another that will provide them with the same comfortable lifestyle. Usually, they'll start moving on before the relationship is declared over.

For this reason, we all have to analyze the person we are dating and ask ourselves some serious questions like what are they bring to the table? Are they fulfilling my needs? If the relationship isn't mutual and your partner is pressuring you to tie the knot, then fear of losing a particular type of stability may be forcing them to do so. They are not doing it out of love.

The next fear that drives people to get married is much more common in today's world and was a must-do a few decades ago. That is the fear of losing the support and responsibility of another. It is what happens when two people meet each other. They become attracted to one another, they're having fun, and they're having the best times of their lives, getting lost in the sauce as we like to say sometimes, then unexpectedly pop comes the baby. Now back in the old days, when this happens, marriage tends to be the next step. The older generations, at least the traditional ones, were very adamant about not having that family structure when a child is involved. However, in today's day and age, single parenting is more than just acceptable; it is considered pretty much normal. The fear that either the father or the mother not stepping up and be a good parent usually drives one of the couples to get married. It is believed that this person would somehow let go of their bachelor lifestyle and be a responsible father and man of the house or, in some cases, a responsible mother and homemaker. Well, deceptively, if a man or woman likes to party and be both immature and irresponsible, a piece of paper known as a marriage certificate and a ceremony isn't going to change that behavior. They may play along for a few months, maybe a year or two, but eventually, that loser will go back to being a loser. I genuinely believe that a man doesn't need to be married to be a good, protective, responsible, and loving father, just as well as you can't turn a particular type of woman into a housewife just by putting a ring on her finger. These qualities will be present within the individual whether a baby is in the picture or not. Now I am not advocating against the family structure. Still, sometimes people are better off just taking care of their responsibilities instead of portraying that picture-perfect holiday family image. Therefore, I say we should always be mindful of who we choose to have a child with, and if we end up being careless, it's wiser to be a single parent to one child instead of two.

The final fear I'm going to talk about isn't very common, but it's something most people don't think about due to their ego. It is the fear of dying alone. At some point in our lives, we think about retirement and old age. We always worry about not having someone to take care of us when we reach that age where we cannot perform a specific task independently. I feel like rushing to be married for that reason usually leads to heartbreak and disaster. Rather than fear dying alone, focus on finding a compatible partner to share your life with, as the right person will always make your wellbeing a priority. It is never worth your time and energy to rush someone to be with you just so that they can take care of you when you're old. Chances are, they may make the rest of your life a living hell.

People get married for many reasons other than real reasons why they should get married. Marriage itself isn't for everyone. So when we think about getting hitched, the illusion that love is the driving force behind our need to do so isn't always true. Most of the time, it is a fear of something that makes us feel that we have to tie the knot or else we'll have to settle for a miserable life. In esoteric studies, Saturn, the planet in our solar system known for its rings, the Lord to the Rings, as I like to call it, is the planet that is associated with our fear and insecurities. However, its rules of limitation, contract, and boundaries make for a successful marriage.

Interestingly enough, like Saturn, we put rings on each other's fingers as the symbol of marriage. We see that when a man or woman goes out to a bar and intends to break the rules of their marriage, the first thing they do is take off their ring. No rings mean no marriage. If you ever think about popping the question, maybe you should ask yourself, what am I afraid of? Being single forever? Losing this beautiful person to another? Not being able to take care of myself? Not being able to take care of a child of an unplanned pregnancy?

Most importantly, if I'm the one being asked the question, "Will you marry me?" I will want to know if there is any fear involved. Unfortunately, the answer to that question is expected to be given immediately because any thought process indicates that perhaps there is no love between two people. However, what if taking some time to analyze whether or not fear is the driving force behind wanting to get married is required to avoid living in a pointless and possibly toxic marriage. As always, it is something we all need to think about before making one of the most important decisions of our lives.