Why do People keep cheaters around?

Infidelity should not be tolerated by no means. As someone who have had the experience of being cheated on, I know all too well the pain of betrayal and the feeling of worthlessness that one feels when he or she discovered that the person they supposed to be committed to and in love with had found interest and comfort in the arms of another person. Sometimes we know why it happens, other times we have no clue as to what we did to deserve being cheated on. Usually the reason itself makes no sense as the cheaters tend to point the finger at their partner, whether it’s blaming them for lack of attention, not being able to fulfill a certain need or want, or just using fights in the relationship as a reason to go and find someone else to fulfill a certain need in their lives. Most of the time, we tend to take they guys or gals back into our lives, reassuring ourselves that if we work on trust and move on we will be a stronger and better couple. As I matured myself, I have grown to have a zero tolerance for cheaters. Once that line has been crossed, it’s you go your way and I go my way. However, I know plenty of people who regardless of the amount of evidence they have on their partner, still want to work on the relationship. Even when their partner has been caught red handed, they still hold on the hope that everything will work out and that their cheating partner will no longer in the future betray them like that again. Based on my own experiences, I’ve realize the different reasons why people take cheaters back. I’m going to point out the many reasons why people make the decision to put themselves in the position to be hurt again and why they should reconsider and save themselves time, pain, and future disappointments.

Low self-esteem

Some individuals have very little self-esteem and confidence in themselves. Perhaps from a young age, they have been told either they aren’t good enough, beautiful enough, or that their image is below society’s standards. Maybe they were bullied and harassed, therefore without proper healing they carry on this pain around with them. So when these people get with someone who have an interest in them, they not only take them seriously, but they can also become attached to those individuals. Feeling as if they may not be able to do better, they can endure so much disrespect and infidelity in their relationship if their partner decide to cheat. These guys and gals need to know that allowing someone to be unfaithful is only damaging their self-worth more and more. They need to wake up and realize that they deserve better than a cheater. It is beneficial for them to get counseling, involve themselves in motivational activities, but most important let their cheating partner go. Self-healing is so much more difficult to achieve when you have someone there who is constantly disrespecting you and degrading you. Cheaters sometimes like to bring down their partner or sometimes reverse the situation by acting jealous as it they’re the victim. This is a strategy of control to keep the individual in stuck in the same situation, while they’re out playing their dirty games. First order of business, drop that dude or female like a rock, and move on to working on building your self-confidence. Keep in mind, true love begins with loving yourself first. Once you recognize your worth, then you’ll know what you deserve and what you don’t need in karmic relationships.

History

Sometimes people share too much history and have strong attachment to one another. Although, this isn’t a good reason to keep a cheater around. There are some couple who are better off as friends than to being relationship partners. No matter how long you know someone, that’s no reason to tolerate infidelity if you guys are in a relationship. Nostalgia can be a powerful thing, however, the good times you shared with a person should not negate the experience of betrayal and deception. It’s perfectly fine to remain friends, in fact even remaining friends should be questioned. You have to know what kind of individuals you want in your circle. The last thing you need is a friend who may disrespect your new relationship by trying to cross that line. If you’re okay with having friends who aren’t faithful to their partners this also can say a lot about you as a person. Remember you tend to share characteristics to those people you hang around. If you have a lot of history with someone, that’s cool, but you want to make sure that history has more memorable moments than regrets.

Financial Security and Comfort

There is a saying that goes, don’t let your comfort zone become your personal prison. This is what happens when you keep a cheater for the sole purpose of living a somewhat comfortable or even a lavish lifestyle. I personally know people who found themselves staying in relationships with cheaters because they don’t want to lose the benefits that comes with being with that person. Then they always want to come to me and tell me about their partner and their problems. In return, I tell them the same thing over and over, ‘’ your comfortable lifestyle isn’t worth the headache. Make a decision to be happy.” Sometimes they cannot see themselves starting over from nothing, or going back to live the average Joe lifestyle. I personally don’t think no amount of materialistic wealth is worth having an unfaithful partner. Eventually someone will come around and replace you once you no longer have a purpose in that cheater’s life. Rather than trading your time and love for a comfortable lifestyle, why not be with someone who value you more than anything money can buy. I understand it’s much easier to remain silent and being hurt internally while not having to worry about your finances, however, think about the position you may find yourself once the cheater is the one who now has to make a decision to keep you around or to replace you with someone more desirable. I would say be the first to make a move for that comfortable lifestyle may come to an end real soon.

The Perfect Family Image

Okay now who doesn’t want to that perfect family image? Now everyone knows relationships aren’t perfect, however, when you’re tolerating infidelity and ignoring it while everyone else think to themselves “What a great family this is!” keep in mind that, you can only keep a mask on for so long. Sometimes people want to have a better family than the one they grew up in, don’t want to see themselves going through what their parents went through. So when they find themselves in situation where their relationships partner or spouse is cheating, they are prone to give them many chances just so family can remain intact. It’s like trying to keep an uneven stack on boxes from falling down. Sometimes it’s a fear of starting over, especially when children are involved. The truth is, when the foundation of a marriage or a relationship is weak, it becomes harder on the children. They do eventually get to see what’s going on and hopefully they take on the positive lessons from what they see and not imitate that one parent cheating and disrespectful behavior when they’re old enough to be in their own relationship. Always have to think about the impact that infidelity has on the individuals in that beautiful smiling family portrait. Sometimes it’s better to separate yourself from that situation than to remain there and have your children see you enabling your partner’s cheating behavior.

Satisfying relatives

This one isn’t very common, but I know about people who keep cheaters in their lives simply because in the beginning the parents approved of their partner and now they seemed to be one big happy family on the surface, it’s embarrassing to have their relatives know that there has been infidelity in the marriage. It’s mostly common in religious and heavy traditional family lineage. Going back to faking their happiness in the marriage, some individuals will deal with so much in this situation if their partner is wealthy enough to the point where their relatives are benefiting from the wealth. Situations like this never have a happy ending. Eventually the truth always come out, then it’s a matter of whose taking what and how much. If you find yourself in this situation, remember no matter how much your relatives may want you and your spouse to work things out, your happiness in that relationship or marriage is yours and yours to bear just as well as the pain and the disrespect you’re dealing with. Most of the time couples in this situation will go to counseling and settle with one another. If children are involved, they’ll wait until the kids are grown and out of the house, releasing them from their parental duties, then they part ways, or until someone finally has enough and make the first move by filing for divorce.

Too much tolerance

Above all the reasons to keep a cheater in your life, some people just have a high tolerance level. This can tie into low self-esteem, however, some people just have that ability to take on some much crap before they call it quits. These individuals obviously do not realize how valuable their time is. While they’re sitting around dealing with a liar and a cheater, they could have been building a strong and beautiful relationship with someone who value them. These individuals need to learn to install boundaries and draw a line that will not be crossed by their partner. The more they allow their partner’s cheating behavior to go on, the more self-respect they are losing in the process, and more time is being wasted on someone who doesn’t deserve their love. Time is the most valuable asset anyone can hold dear. It is the one thing that is both infinite in theory and limited to us.

Life is short and we don’t get to live forever. The more memorable moments we share with someone special, the more worth living we see our lives when we’re at that age looking back on everything we’ve been through. In my opinion, everyone should have a zero tolerance for infidelity. However, the idea that second chances exist shows us that someone can take another for granted and yet is giving a chance to get right once again. We all have a limit and if you’re dealing with someone who is cheating on you, take a few things into consideration. One, how much of your time is being wasted on someone who doesn’t value it and know that someone else out there could be treating the way you should be treated. No one is perfect, and everyone makes mistakes, but if someone took the time to engage in sexual intercourse or any sexual activity with someone else other than their partner, either the mind of the cheater is very weak, therefore he or she can be manipulated by anyone or someone purposely wants to have their cake and eat it too. In either case, you should be the one strong enough to decide the following, “Am I going to remain in a situation where I will be betrayed and lied to or am I going to be in a situation where I am loved and respected by my partner? Are they worthy of a second chance if I grant it to them? Can they redeem themselves and mature to become that partner we need and want? Whatever reason we have to keep a cheater around is never a good one when there are plenty of worthy individuals who need the same thing that we all do. A loving, caring, respectful, compatible and honest partner.