The Contradictions of Life as a Woman

Just a continuous story of things that happen to me purely because I was born without an extra extremity.

I remember growing up and my family teasing me about getting married, but they got mad when I talked about kids.

“You are too young to think about that.”

Okay, fine.

Then BOOM! I turned 18.

Wanna know what everyone told me at my birthday party?

“So, you should have kids before you’re 30.”

“Do you think you’re going to marry the guy you’re dating?”

“When will you guys have kids?”

“The family name for a boy is Steven. Just in case you were wondering.”

I wasn’t. That was the worst birthday I ever had.

I didn’t understand how the day before I turned 18, everyone was pretty much screaming at me to avoid having kids and how dare I think about getting married and I still had a curfew. The minute I saw my family on my 18th birthday, they were pissed because I didn’t know the exact time I was gonna get married and pregnant.

It’s wild growing up that way.

When I turned 20, my uncle had a party and I was helping him in the kitchen. He started quizzing me about a guy I had been seeing. When I asked him why he wanted to know so much about him, this was his response:

“Well, if you’re gonna marry him I need to know your kids won’t be morons.”

First of all, I went on two dates with the guy.

Second, at that time I didn’t even want kids.

“Well, you might not get any kids from me.” I shrugged and continued to chop scallions.

“You’re going to have kids.” He said, glaring at me.

“Maybe I’m barren and I’ll die an old maid.” I shrugged and kept chopping.

“Don’t joke.” He pointed at me. “Your aunt refused to name her daughter Eliza so you need to have a girl and name it Eliza.”

“Is that all you want?” I turned and faced him. “If all you want is to name a living being, I’ll get you a goldfish.”

“That’s not the same as a baby!”

“Thank god you clarified that, I would have never figured it out.”

“Have a baby!”

“No!”

...to be perfectly honest, he is my favorite family member. We just fight a lot about really stupid shit. We know it’s stupid but it entertains the rest of the family.

When I turned 23, my cousin got married. She was about 28 and was planning on getting pregnant within a year. And she was very open with her plans on having kids.

So, naturally, people were cornering me and my then boyfriend and asking when we were getting married and having kids.

The problem with my Ex was that he got defensive about everything. EVERYTHING. He had stated to me the week before that we weren’t gonna have children ever. That because of the global population crisis we weren’t going to have kids ever. That wasn’t a discussion. He refused to talk about it with me. He just said that if I wanted kids that I was selfish. Even adoption was out for him because “you’d just be promoting people to have kids and then not take responsibility for them.”

By the way, when he thought I was pregnant once, he had already called Planned Parenthood and made an appointment for me to have an abortion without even talking to me about it. Then he assumed I was pissed because I wasn’t making a lot of money then and told me that he’d pay for everything. I hadn’t even missed my period yet, and I wasn’t even pregnant.

So, that was a fun night.

Yeah, there is a reason I dumped that fool. Well, multiple reasons.

Bottom line, I’m now 27 and people still ask me when I’m going to put my uterus to work.

The other day, I was at the grocery store and I saw a guy that I used to work with. He asked if I had kids, I said no. He said, and this is verbatim.

“That’s a shame, those are great child-bearing hips. You’ll get use out of them someday.”

I, of course, had to respond.

“You know, if you were an inanimate object you’d be a participation trophy.”

Look, I do want kids. I want to see them running around in a big backyard and teach them to read and help them with school projects and watch them play with their father. I’m not married but if I have kids without a husband that won’t break my heart either. Boy or girl or both, I want a little piece of me to live on after I’m gone. That’s the circle of life, right? The purpose of it is to leave something behind that you're proud of. Whether it’s a kid, a painting, a book, or a classroom full of kids who you taught.

But stop asking when I’m going to have them. Damn, people.

And maybe, I won't have any kids. Maybe I'll adopt or foster kids. I don't need a kid to have my eyes to love them.

Or maybe I'll just live alone in a great big house and paint and drink wine and dance along a beach.

It's my f*cking prerogative.