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The Brilliant Insight of Your Facebook Posts Won't Fix Anything so Bring Us Together with Something Funny

My Offering : Top Covid-19 Opening Lines

By Rich MonettiPublished 4 years ago 3 min read
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Photo by Book Catalog

Facebook is what it would be like if we all got our 15 minutes of fame every single day and made the worst of it. Swept away by all the attention, I used to be one of those people. You know, those who are continually posting their political certainties in hopes of changing the world. I mean even when you got a point that should resonate on the opposing side, only one thing happens. Your social media detractors just dig in deeper and do all they can to find a counter that satisfies their world view.

In other words, you're not fixing anything and just engendering hate to the point of no return. Thus, the prospect of a civil war actually has entered our lexicon of discussion points. You see, the problem is when people disagree in person, they naturally try to find common ground and come away feeling that the opponent is still a reasonable person.

Conversely, on Facebook, a one dimensional shadow of a person appears beneath human contempt and unworthy of any consideration. What a terrible substitution for human interaction and understanding. We've even found a way to hate ourselves more than an infectious disease that has spread across the Earth.

So here's a little help. Post something funny, and instead of polarizing Covid-19, let's try to overcome the tragedy with a little bit of humor. No need to thank me, I will lead by example. Here's my top opening Covid-19 lines (and maybe you'll even get the chancce to use them to positve affect). Who knows, a Facebook enemy could be a friend or at least become someone you can argue with in a civil manner. They may even be willing to hear your point of view when you actually meet in real life.

I'm man enough to wear a mask, but kissing is definitely out of the question.

I know it’s hard to tell, but this isn’t my original nose.

Don’t Stand, Don't Stand, Don't Stand so close to me

I don't like to brag, but I have a trunk filled with cotton swabs and absentee ballots...

Can I get you a drink... and a shot of Remdesivir.

You have a nice smile, and no I don't want to hold your hand.

Hey, you want to rob a bank? We already got the masks.

Well, I definitely have a leg up in terms of being unemployed. I'm haven't had a job since the turn of the century.

Covid-19, you just don't know, but you don't have to worry about me. I'm completely immune to contact tracing.

Doctor Fauci is not the Italian Stallion, I am.

I know you're taller than me, but Covid-19 doesn't have wings. So just the chance to talk to you - I'm perfectly willing to take the risk

Flatten the curve - let's combine our antibodies and break the curve all by ourselves.

Why don't we do our part and get a head start on herd immunity.

All the restaurants are closed but I deliver - wink wink

I know, I know, I am the most interesting man in the world....Oh wait, that's the Dos Equis-Virus

I just got an ultraviolet light. Would you'd like to come back to my place to kill the virus... and make a few of our own.

Don't worry, by the time of Covid-22, this Bud will be for you.

Hey now, the second wave starts at my place.

I love my face shield. So much easier to pick your nose. If you like, I can get Jeff Bezos to deliver one personally.

So you get my drift? Now go forward and make social media and the world a better place.

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Author can be reached at [email protected]

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About the Creator

Rich Monetti

I am, I write.

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