Many couples have an unrealistic expectation that in order to be “soulmates” they must interpret situations in the same ways. The reality is that you are two completely different people with differing takes on the world that may sometimes see situations in a similar way.
Fighting can often be seen as a negative aspect of a relationship however, if done properly you could experience many positive benefits that you weren’t expecting. It’s a chance to learn more about your partner, show that you care, and if done correctly may even show your partner how much you care.
Let’s examine fights within a relationship: how to go about them, what to avoid when arguing, and how you and your other half may reap the unexpected rewards from exchanging a few words in disagreement.
Choose Your Words with Care
When you are having a dispute with your partner, it’s important that the tone of voice is friendly and calm. It’s also necessary not to use harsh language like idiot or fool during fights as this could worsen an already tense situation even further if said words come out in anger. A few well-placed words can make all the difference in a fight. By being careful about what you say during an argument, it’s easier for both parties involved and helps keep bad feelings at bay.
Consider the Disagreement from Another Point of View
It sounds like an easy task, but it can be much harder than you think! You see things in your own way and forget about what others might feel or believe just because they’re different from yourself. We all have biases as humans which affect our perspective.
Every relationship has its ups and downs, but you have to take a step back to look at the big picture when an argument arises. You might feel hurt or angry following their actions; however it’s important to work on a resolution that will benefit the both of you.
Achieving a good balance between your emotional needs and the desires of others can be difficult. One way is by considering how they feel when you make decisions for them, as well as what might work best in terms of logic or reasoning behind those choices.
Listen More Than You Speak
Listening is a difficult skill to master, but it’s an essential one. With so many distractions in our world today, listening should come naturally for anyone who wants their message heard. Focus on hearing the words your partner is saying to you, and not planning what you will say in rebuttal while they speak.
If you’re consistently refuting their feedback they may shut down in the future and refuse to share openly with you which will hurt the relationship even further. Ask questions to clarify what point they are trying to get across and to be an active participant in the conversation.
Benefits of Fighting in a Relationship
A partner who is willing to sit through uncomfortable conversations with you for the sake of bettering your relationship is a valuable partner. They’re showing that they care about you and the relationship. You may learn more about your partner while in these deep discussions such as what their non-negotiables are, and even discover their hopes and dreams.
It’s important that you both feel safe to let your guard down and be vulnerable, share an inside look into the inner workings of your mind, and work to squash some resentment between the two of you. You’ll build a strong foundation in your (hopefully) long-lasting relationship by keeping these things in mind.
One last thing, please remember that holding everything inside and not sharing with your partner will do more harm than good for the both of you. I learned a long time ago that bringing up something that's bothering me shortly after having time to think on it helps to resolve problems quickly and effectively. Give it a try.