The Accidental Gift

She was a giver of gifts. Her greatest life pleasure often came from the hours she spent pondering, scheming and plotting. The delight of choosing just the right gift. The anticipation of the perfect, often stealthy, delivery filled her quiet soul with a sense of fulfillment. Possibly unbeknownst to even her own consciousness was the fact that her very deepest joys were caught up in the tangle of thoughts devising the best presentation and choosing her next unsuspecting victim.

This gift giver was of humble beginnings. Raised by frugal parents she was never fully aware of their poverty. She always had enough and did not long for more: most days. Saving became a habit as was watching. Always watching. Listening. Observation was her trademark as she plotted delight for those she was raised with. Even her parents were not abject from her conniving ways as she surreptitiously completed tasks their weary bodies left undone as they gave way, often unwillingly, to slumber.

Her wiley ways continued into adulthood where she embraced the joy and knowledge of this identity. In difficult seasons her gift of giving sometimes shrank until she almost forgot who she even was. Yet, without fail, when the time was ripe it would slowly begin to awaken deep within her soul. It usually began to creep up unawares until her sorrow ridden mind was once again consumed by evil schemes of blessing. As she would begin to heal yet again, her joy was multiplied the further her circle of giving expanded.

She was never really known as the giver, and at her well attended funeral many were surprised to learn of her secret, almost sinister alternate identity. Yet even after her departure from this earth, surprises devised long ago would occasionally pop up, to bring a smile or a tear and a sense of having been truly cared for and thought of with love.

This giver of surprises became so skilled that her targets rarely suspected her. And one in particular was caught so off guard that the universe itself could not contain its glee at the discovery. You see, she toiled and worked and unwittingly gave herself the one gift she would have never allowed herself to squander her meager earnings on.

If you asked, she would have informed you that she was blessed, that she had all she needed and her joy was completed by her loving offspring. No father was present in the family any longer, but their good solid beautiful children surrounded and filled her life. Caring for all of them was her greatest passion. As her eyes fluttered open each morning, she would exhale slowly realizing the gift of yet another day to live her dream of being the best possible mom she could be, --this day.

Not entirely unwise, she recognized the long term investment in her own health and mental well being and she decided she would like a sauna. A somewhat humorous and unlikely desire but she spent years contemplating purchasing just a small 2-3 person sauna. She tested them at every opportunity and calculated the unreasonableness of such a purchase. “Just stop it,” she admonished herself more than once, rolling her eyes at her foolishness. “It’s not practical. You really can’t afford it. And where would you even put it?” she laughed and shook her head and went on with her busy life until the next time she and herself argued about this silly want.

One morning, while the world was just waking up, she returned from a relaxing walk. Tiptoeing into the house she grabbed the book she was almost done reading. Quickly, she slipped outside and hid herself in the tiny greenhouse nestled in her disheveled garden. Closing the door, she perched on the half bale of straw and indulged in the guilty pleasure of finishing a great book while her household chores sat patiently awaiting her attention. As she escaped to a different time and a faraway land, small trickles of sweat slowly meandered down the sides of her face. Absently mopping her brow, she teared up at the sorrowful scene unfolding on the pages resting on her lap. Suddenly, she was interrupted by a small child, also holding a book. “What are you doing?” she was asked as the door swung open and a curly headed girl stepped into the steamy greenhouse.

The mother smiled, and as the realization that she had been given the very thing she had wanted for so long sunk in, her smile turned to a sheepish grin and she laughed. “I’m sitting in my sauna!”

As the little girl stepped back out and softly closed the door, this giver of gifts closed her eyes and soaked in the feeling of being loved. Of being seen. Of being truly cared for.

*****

Though fiction, this short story was born one day in my greenhouse, where I really was hiding and reading a great book. It was finished while sitting in the dirt under my raspberry bushes, soaking in the sun and the quiet sounds of nature as my pencil rapidly scratched the details onto the loose sheets of paper delivered with a jar of ice water and a crudely cut lemon teetering on the edge. "I'll be in for breakfast soon." I told the child. "I have to write this now, before I forget. It's another story and I will read it to you when I am done." Left alone, this is the story that wrote itself ....I hope you enjoy it as much as I did.