Tattoo - Scorpion Rose

This is the story about my first tattoo, a lil scorpion with the stinger of a rose, a claiming of my body, my voice, empowering me through punk, music, art, magic and that all that’s a lil bit taboo. Living in the world authentically as myself, female artist, authentic and true.

Body art is not only a form of expression to me, but it is also the markings of ones voice, a claiming of autonomy over ones body, of what she stands for, what speaks to her and her truth.

Ones skin is everything. It is here that she perceives the world through, it is here that she forms the barrier from the inside and outside world. What is her skin? The skin is created through the gut and the gut is her power, sense of self, and thus this story is about me reclaiming my identity.

Growing up, I had always been a high energy enthusiastic individual, full of life.

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Then as I got into my teen years, my parents had a divorce, our house lost, jobs lost, and everything apart.

Once full of life

Now a sad lil tender heart

Not knowing really what went on

Nothing was spoken of, everything was wrong.

Feeling as if I didn’t belong

Feeling like I had no voice.

Feeling like I had no choice.

Things could be worse, but for such a sensitive soul like me, it felt like I had drowned in this big vast sea.

During this time, my body didn’t feel mine, insomnia swept me, lost track of time.

Everything was hidden, so many secrets kept,

but underlying, a heavy emotion,

my body seemed not to forget.

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During this time, nothing seemed to get me out of my pit of despair. Until, I came across a book at the library that was about a girl who found a ghost lover in her attick. They fell in love instantly. I was so hooked on this idea and dreamed about my own ghost lover. Shortly after, he turned up - in reality - and I then thought I had found the cure for life.

By having a boyfriend I would never need to deal with my shit and this dark heavy emotion that would linger was pushed to the side. However, all energy is alive and it does not lie.

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Eventually he broke up with me, his words stained like in my memory

I don’t want you, now leave, let me be,

Leading me to nearly jump off a balcony,

Having it drilled into my mind that if he wasn’t with me, then it wasn’t safe to be in my voice, in my body.

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I felt unworthy of love and felt that my sense of identity was tied to a guy. Looking back at this moment I saw how ridiculous this was.The body, just like earth is alive and has a pulse, a movement and a rhythm within her. She hears everything that is said and she responds, holding a memory until changed, let go and transformed.

So, flash forward 5 years time.

I was passing by the same place that I had nearly jumped off the balcony, over some man and thought to myself, hey you know what I should get a tattoo to comemorate how far I had come, marking this new found sense of autonomy over my body.

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The scorpion rose was what I chose

And here’s how my first tattoo story goes

I sat on the chair, tattoo man was there

And he started to mark my body

The same body that,

only across the road, A few years ago

Nearly jumpped of a building, because a guy had said “Liz, I don’t want you, please go”.

My body went through, the same waves and shakes

The part of me that once was rejected, disowned, dead, now brought back to life - awake.

With a tail of a rose, unaffraid to sting,

No longer looking pathetically for a king

For the desire to use my power

Now etched into my skin

A place that was my own, a place I could swim.

Strange little scorpion rose, marked my forearm

The instinct to use my power, my stinger, a flower

Not one of alarm

But brings about a sense of calm.

I fell in love instantly with her,

My own lil scorpion charm.

From here on, the tattoo grew on me

I began to trust, the instincts of my sea

Making me question, what I really thought

And to act on my instincts, instantly.

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Scorpion represented everything that I felt to be me, the freedom of my body, my view of reality and everything that I associated punk to be.

The notion of underlying secrets that were kept in my reality, of magic and of mystery that exists around me, of owning ones sexual power, of everything that doesn’t make sense rationally but felt intuitively, of the intensity and passion I feel in everything. This ethereal quality of not entirely being from this earth and the time in my life when I didn’t feel like I was part of earth, hence the marking of the scorpion with it’s stinger being a rose.

The idea of being able to express ones sting, hurt, your power and have it generated back into the earth, of music, not being bitter at my circumstances but using this to grow new life, not needing to be anything more or do anything brilliant in particular to be heard and my sense of identity in the world as mine as I choose, not attached to a man.

Words hold energy and by getting this tattoo at the same place I nearly lost my life, was a symbol to me of telling my body that she was able to be in her power, an energetic marking.

Where it felt as if I had lost my skin, I now found an image that reminded me of this new found sense of autonomy, where I could swim.

Is magic real ?

Who knows.

But being able to express your truth, feel your power, create in a way that is empowering and authentic to you, is what magic is to me.

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Do we own our bodies? Are they ours?

Or do they have a underlying destiny that is inked into our skin?

And by exploring this, is this where our life starts to begin.

Was everything that happened, ment to be?

What if I had a normal upbringing, leading to a normal job, 9-3 ?

Then maybe I wouldn’t have been so distraught, nearly jummping off a balcony

Leading me to question reality

And ending up with a scorpion rose tattoo

Opening me up to of punk, mystery, magic and all that is taboo.

Looking back,

I’m lucky now, that it did

For if not, I think

My life would be boring and lame

And I’m glad all happened, just the same,

And

Maybe life is just a weird little game

Leading me,

to my ultimate destiny,

Of ultimate dream punk girl band fame.

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