Take a Chance

I had given up. I had given up on having any sort of social life outside of the constant cycle of work. I had given up drinking, as a way to quit wasting my Saturdays and Sundays with lingering hangovers. This meant that at my ripe age of 32, that there was no way to be social. Living in a small town, the weekly ritual was to finish work and head to the local dive bar for drinks. On second thought, that is not a ritual just for small towns, but seems to be the norm for most Americans after every work week.

I longed for the days when my life felt exciting. Adventures to random destinations, and meeting random friends along the way. My life was now this dull cycle of work. All my friends and family had moved on to their typical way of life: marriage and babies by the age of 25. And here I sat on a Friday night, single because I chose to have adventures. I went through every streaming network trying to find something to binge watch that I had never seen before. Good luck with that. After a long quarantine, I highly doubted that there was possibly anything left that I had not seen. Many people deal with their emotions, but I liked to numb my brain with true-crime docuseries, and anything that was on Netflix’s top lists. I spent the usual hour searching for the perfect way to spend a Friday evening.

There was nothing left. There was nothing new. I needed to figure something else out. So I decided to workout. This only took 30 minutes, and now I was sweaty. Next agenda is to take a shower. Well what was the point of showering if I was not going to get ready? I thought this to myself as I brushed out my hair. I looked at the clock again and realized it was only one hour since the onset of my initial boredom.

So I did what any normal 32 year old single woman does, and I went to a website to get a psychic reading. Okay, so I understand this is not normal behavior. However, it has become another way to pass the time. To pretend that some random stranger has some insight on how my life may turn out is exciting to me. I just want to test their knowledge and see if they have any clue. To my surprise, the psychic informed me that I was going to find a romantic love interest, but needed to go out with friends to find this person. It would happen over the next month. I laughed to myself, gulped down the harsh reality that I just spent 100 dollars on someone that may not know anything, and laid upside down on my couch.

Maybe I did need to be more social? I mean after all that was my resolution. However, where would I find someone like me? Someone that wants adventure and that was not tied down with the norms of an outdated society called small town living.

As I slowly began to unravel, my coworker texted me asking me to come out for a beverage. I tried to come up with a quick excuse, but after dodging her invitations for so long, I was really becoming worried that she was going to give up asking. This friend was a great role model, and a constant companion. She was older than me by 20 plus years, and encouraged me to take risks. She lived the small town life, and was fully dedicated to living through me. So I took a deep breath, replied yes, and where.

I put together my face and slipped on my best pair of skinny jeans, since I am in my thirties and that’s what we own. I threw on my best “going out shirt” which now was just a casual t-shirt. I tried to part my hair down the middle to look like one of the young people, but I just turned out looking more like myself in 7th grade. I put my hair in a ponytail, and jumped in the car. The ride was filled with constant anxiety. I never go out. Should I drink or not? Will I do something stupid when I drink? Will I continue to give inspirational speeches to every single person I meet about reaching their potential? Most likely. Oh well. There were worse things that I could do when intoxicated other than giving inspirational speeches. I might as well have fun with someone that I trusted.

I walked in slowly keeping my eyes on the floor as I made my way to the back of the small hometown bar. She has said she was at her usual table, which of course was clear in the back. I felt all the eyes on me, as I sweated and quickly paced to the back. I knew that three drinks later I would be able to fully relax, but at this moment, I was no longer used to a room full of people.

I spent the evening laughing, playing cards, and felt my voice pitch get higher and higher. I gave inspirational speeches, and needed a ride home. It happened. However, in the process, I inspired someone enough that they requested my number. Who even does that anymore? I laid in bed all day wishing I would have eaten more food, drank more water, or taken more tylenol before bed. Then the message came. Oh gosh. What did I do now?

This man asked me to go out with him that evening. Oh my gosh, I thought to myself. I must have really been a hot mess if someone believes that they want to take me out. I mean after all, I really truly am not fun. My friend messaged me and told me that her friend was very interested in me, and that I should give it a chance. So I did what I always do. I flipped through all the streaming networks to try and find something new, and the cycle started again.

When I reached evening, I realized I was going to have to eventually text this poor human back. There was live music that evening at the same place that we were at the evening before. I love live music. So I got myself ready again, this time wearing a black t-shirt instead of my usual green or grey. You can do this, I told myself. You are cool.

When I walked into the bar, I saw this beautiful looking man at a table with a glass of merlot. Yuck. Wine. The last thing I wanted was wine. It was okay though, because obviously this man was too good-looking to be the person I was meeting. So I went to the bathroom and hid while I texted him. My phone pinged before I could even get a text out. It read, “LOL why are you hiding in the bathroom?” Oh my gosh? Was he that handsome guy with the wine? I asked, “Are you here?” He responded letting me know that he was indeed the handsome guy with the wine.

I took a deep breath and headed out into the main room. Right in front of the stage, where the musicians were setting up for the set they were about to play. The wine was for me. In my head I was paranoid wondering if he was some creep that drugged me, but I drank the wine anyways. The music started, and an acoustic rendition of Wonderwall filled the room. The wine was warm as it slipped down to my already upset belly. It felt good though. It was a band-aid for the hangover and the nerves I was trying to block.

By the third glass, my voice got higher pitched, I started talking about inspirational speeches, and the craziest thing happened. He started talking inspirationally with me. We talked about the depth of the song lyrics, and where we were when we first heard these songs. His life was like mine; filled with adventure that became stagnant when Covid hit. We talked in-depth about the futures we wished to have, and even where we may travel to when the world was less crazy. We counted up the countries and places we had been, and what places were left. Small glass after glass of Merlot was poured. So was my soul. And for once I felt like my greatest adventure was about to begin. I deserved this. I deserved a way to not become a zombie when the clock struck 4 p.m. on a Friday. I deserved laughing too loudly, dancing crazily, and staying awake until the sunrise.

This may be the person the psychic was talking about. It may also not be. However, all I knew after that night was when this man asked me out for another evening with wine and music; that I would never again say no. I would drink the wine, laugh, and talk about adventures, and hope that someday soon, those adventures would be fulfilled. I trusted that they would. I am cool. Red wine isn’t always so bad; especially Merlot. And all of life’s best adventures are the ones we fall into because we randomly give a yes at the right exact moment.