humor
"Humor is what binds humans together and makes difficult times just a little less painful; Sometimes you can't help but laugh. "
Four Signs
Four Signs I sat at the small kitchen table, overlooking my friend’s small herb garden. Pansy was just taking some cinnamon rolls out of the oven and the aroma was heavenly. “I still think you just need to embrace your inner witch,” Pansy fussed as she sat down the rolls in the middle of the table.
By Aileen Beeler3 years ago in Humans
Cats don't play with Barn Owls
For starters, do you figure Barn Owls got their name from barns? I mean, obviously but, from liking to hang out in them? Like someone was walking near a barn hundreds of years ago and saw a Barn Owl for the first time and decided to call it that? It seems unfair to Barn Owls, I mean they’ve probably been around for way longer than barns, owls I mean. Though I´m not sure, I´ll have to check, but just out of common sense I mean, barns were probably invented to store food, so they came once ancient folks’ need for saving food happened which, according to some books I’ve read recently (yes, you heard correctly, hon, and I´m talking about thick ones, like 10 American Truckers stalked up tight, I mean the ones that take months to read and only brainy people finish – which is not my case, but I’ve perused* through them a lot), it happened once humans became sedentary, I mean once they stopped traveling around like gypsies and figured out how to grow food themselves. That’s when they came up with the problem of storing it, keeping it from being stolen by animals, wolves or bears or, who knows, maybe even owls. No, wait. Just a sec, hon. Yeah, just checked, owls eat flesh. Who knew, right? They seem so defenseless, those soft feathers and heart-shaped face (google’m up hon, so you know what I’m talking about – see? Their faces look like a heart, like that weird cartoon Livy watches, sweet and pettable). But actually they’re vicious. They hunt at night with like x-ray super power eyes, and they’re sneaky as heck. Lethal. Which brings me to the topic of cats. Well, actually, side note, did you know owls don’t produce sounds? They don’t get wet either, I think it’s connected somehow, but yeah, you just can’t hear them, which is what makes them some of the most killer raptors. Weird, huh? Raptor. Rrrraptor. Say it, c’mon say it, honey. Ha, I love listening to you doing it. Rolling your Rs, that’s something I’ll leave to your Latino family, beans and cheese must train your mouth to do it, ha, and I don’t mean it in a demeaning way, you know how much I love my enfriyoladas, but I just can’t do it, I just sound like a white dumb giant when I try, you’ve heard me. But coming back to the subject, really, It’s not a word one relates with an owl, huh? Raptor - Immediately makes you think of a gator or a reptile creature equipped with a mouth-filled, bloodstained, killer razor-like teeth. No, no, no, don’t get ideas, I’m not playing with those anymore, hun. I told you I’ll get outta here soon and I meant it, cross my heart and hope to die, right? If I had a Barn Owl with me, I could cross its face, ha! Get it? Cause they are shaped like hearts. Gosh, the things you make me say, don’t tell Larry I’m being such a sap, he’ll pull me out o’tha shop. I’m putting some stars on my forehead working here at the library, you know? Learning stuff, you’d be proud. Are you proud? I mean, not because I’m in here, that’s shameful, specially having been so dumb and getting caught, but I mean proud of me because I’m being good and workin’ and earning respect here. Who knew I’d like it, right? I mean, no, I miss you, yes hun, you know I do, but, I’ll tell you a secret sweetie (imagine I’m whispering now, ok? and DON’T tell Larry I’m being soft, ok, ready, here it goes) – the pound isn’t so terrible. (Are you slapping me now?) I mean, I even get fed better than your burnt water, ha! Just kidding, babe, I know you make an effort and we can always order pizza, “no anchovies cause they stink,” don’t think I’ve forgot about dear Livy, no hon, I’ll love’r as if she was my own, that’s what I promised and that’s what I’ll do. No, babe, I haven’t forgot about dear Livy nor about her savage cat, which is the whole reason I’m writing this letter in the first place, see? Well, it turns out Barn Owls don’t get along with cats, it’s proved, by science hun, lab rats like your bro know it, ask him, so I’m very sorry, but when I come out the cat’s gonna have to leave because I’m becoming a falconer (which is a confusing name because I’ll not get a falcon but an owl, a Barn Owl, and will name her Heart, you like it? Tell Livy it’ll be swell).
By Pia Watson3 years ago in Humans
The Needles
Edith’s knitting needles clattered to the floor as her head slumped Raggedy-Ann style toward her right shoulder, hands dangling over the arms of her chair, eyelids fluttering. After securing Edith’s tongue and teeth, LiddieAnn pulled the kettle from the fire and shouted toward the darkened hallway. “Yella! Mama’s spellin’! Get out here!”
By JANINA M FULLER3 years ago in Humans
The Haunted Barn
The barn had been built back in the early forties when Josie's grandfather purchased twenty acres in Johnson County, Illinois, to farm. It was a grand barn for its day. Her grandpa painted it a bright, apple red with white trim. That barn was her grandfather's pride and joy.
By Cheryl Mason Thompson3 years ago in Humans
BABY IT'S COLD OUTSIDE
SO, THIS HAPPENED TODAY..... Lisa has always loved birds. It makes no difference what kind of birds she is watching, Lisa loves them all. We did rescues on a Congo African Grey and a lesser sulfur-crested cockatoo that only increased her fascination with birds. Lisa is in a wheelchair now and can't go hiking with binoculars to look for wild bird species, but this hasn't entirely frustrated her desire to study birds. Our friend, Terry, and I put up a bird feeder right outside Lisa's bedroom window. The members of Lisa's other obsession, cats, are as thrilled to lie on the bed and observe the feeder as she is and they spend many ours suitably entertained.
By ANN TOPMILLER3 years ago in Humans
Popcorn
Mom has always loved popcorn. When we were kids Mom would take me and Ben to Tower movies almost every week. You could rent out a movie for seven days, so we’d usually get one foreign or black and white movie for mom and one that me and Ben could watch. We’d always go for the new releases but I think they were slightly more spendy than the older movies.
By Jessica Stapp3 years ago in Humans
Track 1995
I found my mother weeping silently at the kitchen bar. She was sitting on a stool with her legs nowhere near touching the ground. I looked up at her and watched a steady stream of tears was gently gliding down her face like a miniature brook. It wasn't unusual to see my mother cry. Although, typically because of a novella or some movie about a murdered man's spirit seeking justice with the help of a sassy psychic. However, the TV and VCR were off. The only noise was from the bulky JCV HiFi dual cassette stereo system pounding the air with the deep bass of Tejano music. The sanguine tempo contrasted with the atmosphere's vibes that complemented each other, like sea salt and caramel.
By R.L. Maskill3 years ago in Humans
Tongue Twisters and fun Stories
Here is a series of Tongue Twisters that I wrote in hopes of getting them published in a book. I was hoping to make it a hard or soft cover book or even a coloring book or a workbook where children could read the tongue twister and then draw and color what the tongue twister would look like as a picture. I have had no such luck unless you count those 'vanity press' publishers where you have to pay to get your work published. This set of tongue twisters will go along with the 'What I know' articles that I have been sharing about what I learned in my Human services degree.
By Mark Graham3 years ago in Humans
The Rear Naked Choke
Above is a stock photo of some no doubt amazing martial artists, nothing like my rag-tag group of kids we called a class. My group was a mix of overweight juveniles and bullied tweens whose parents just wanted their lives to be better. One in particular was both overweight and bullied, weighing as much as I did but being 15 years younger and 8 inches shorter.
By Ari Weisman3 years ago in Humans
A Toddler’s Guide On How To Make 3 A.M. French Toast For His Mom
One of my earliest escapades occurred when I was only 4 years old. The time me and my brother decided to cook breakfast for my mother. My father was overseas at the time, so we kids wanted to do something to cheer her up. We were all sad he was gone. However, we knew the sweet taste of good French toast was also her favorite. In pitch black darkness, at 3 o’clock in the morning I roused from my sleep. I was barely getting out of my toddler years when for some wild reason I woke up in the middle of the night and had the bright idea to make breakfast for my mother. My heart was in the right place, I thought. I had wanted to do something special for my mother. She was and is my everything. Even at 4 years of age I had acknowledged this, and I wanted to do something I just knew she was going to love. However, intentions don’t often line up with capability when you are only 4 years old. I had also acknowledged this, and decided it would be in my best interests to recruit some additional help for this breakfast-making mission. My younger siblings.
By Matthew Leo3 years ago in Humans