T R O U B L E

I met him last Summer. Three months, ten days and seven hours - That's how long our love affair lasted. The infatuation didn't last half as long. Even so, I consistently think about him night and day. That was the summer when I became a woman in more ways than one. The season Ethan Asher stole my innocence.

I was visiting my grandma Milley for the summer. She lived in a small town where everybody knew everyone and everything about them. It was July 4th and the entire town was gathered downtown for the festivities. If you can possibly imagine 1,000 people crammed and packed like sardines within one square block. It was humid and sticky and children were bustling around with earsplitting yapping and yelping, but it was all in good fun, I didn't mind.

The stench of burnt popcorn combined with sweet, sugary fairy floss was making me peaked and squeamish. If one more person clunked into me, I just knew that I would throw up. I impulsively made my way toward the drink vendor. I desperately needed to get away from the crowd, sit down and cool off for a moment.

That's where I first met him. As if he had read my mind the handsome stranger swiftly reached into the ice-packed cooler and retrieved a frosty drink. "You look like you need this," he smiled and held the bottle out to me. "I'm Ethan but I don't think that I knew who you are." His coy smile and playfulness suggested that he was flirting.

Something about his dark, radiant eyes lured me into his web. His sweaty, untanned skin was flawless. The way that those long, wet curls hugged his face was absolutely titillating. I felt myself flush and I was probably glowing red when he noticed my eyes dreaming as I starred at his white t-shirt, clung to his skin. Bathed in swelter from the hot July sun. As I caught myself and snapped back into reality, his bashful grin was the most innocent thing that I had ever seen.

The rest of the day was ours. He introduced me to some of the locals, his friends, and, family. I couldn't help but notice some of the strange and uncertain glares that we attracted, it must have been because I was a stranger in town. Most of his friends called him "Ash". His mom constantly referred to him as "baby" they appeared to have an amazing, close bond. His father simply called him "boy". I perceived that they didn't get on very well with each other. Had I have known then...I would have called him "trouble."

As the darkness settled across the crowd he led me to a perfectly placed blanket stretched out on the grass. It felt as if I had known him for much longer than mere hours. We laid together watching the fireworks burst directly above us. I placed my head on his chest, hearing his heartbeat and feeling the warmth of his skin. I closed my eyes and breathed in his scent mixed with the sweet charcoal smoke. This is where I wanted to be.

We walked through the trees toward his house. The air was cooler and a shiver crept down my spine. He wrapped his arms around me and his touch warmed me like a blanket. We came upon an old, rusty camper in the middle of the trees. "Home sweet home." He opened the rickety door and smiled as if he was unveiling a castle. I was a little shocked, but it seemed homey and comfortable enough. That night I gave him my virtue. I laid it at his feet wrapped in the clothes that he oppressively ripped from my body. Tears filled my eyes as the discomfort and tenderness of his entry swept through my body. He was not gentle or merciful. He took me with defiling force.

The next morning, I gathered my torn clothing from the floor. It was unredeemable and ruined. All that I could find to hide my nakedness was his t-shirt. I was covered in hickeys, welts, and even a few bruises. He confessed that he liked it rough, but this didn't feel right. I was sore, aching, and cramping. Does the first time always hurt this bad? I wondered.

I couldn't go home to my grandma Milley in this shape and especially not wearing only an old t-shirt. She must have been worried sick about me. I felt confused and regretful. Had I just made love to this handsome stranger or had I been raped? I just didn't know what to think or believe. I walked outside amongst the trees and cried.

I heard the creaky door open and looked up to find Ethan standing there with a steaming cup of coffee in his hand. Wearing only his worn and faded blue jeans. In spite of my emotions, I couldn't help but think that he looked even more handsome than before. His smile was warm and inviting as he handed me the cup that he was holding. I began to feel comforted and well.

I rummaged around inside of the camper until I found a pair of cut-off jeans and a clean t-shirt that fit well enough. I hugged Ethan and promised to return later in the day. Then I began the dreaded walk across town to my grandma's house.

I found her sitting in the kitchen, sipping on a cup of tea. She barely looked up as I made my way through the back door. "You was with that "Ash" boy all night?" she quietly asked. "Yes, he's nice," I whispered. "No, he's trouble, that's all he is and you're making a horrible mistake," she replied.

She turned in her chair to face me and her eyes grew wide as she observed the marks on my body. With a gasp, she raised from her chair and reached for me "What did he do to you?" I tried to explain that it was innocent and that I was not injured. "HE DIDN'T HURT ME!" I cried as she raced for the phone hanging on the wall. "Grandma! We had sex and I liked it! He didn't hurt me!" She stood perfectly still...like an eerie statue. "I'm calling your parents and you'll be on the first bus home in the morning." and she slowly walked away from me. I saw one single tear streak down her frail cheek. How could I live with myself now?

That night I went back to Ethan's camper. He had invited some friends over and everyone was sitting around a campfire. The aroma of booze and grass was hanging heavily in the air. Everyone was laughing and loud, treading around the fire as if it wasn't even there. I tried asking where Ash was at, but nobody would even notice me. I felt like an alien in a strange land.

Finally, a young man with long, stringy hair approached me. His breath was foul with soured beer. His legs wobbled as he tried to balance himself by grabbing my shoulder. The next thing I knew we're both tumbling to the ground. I felt sparks from the fire brush against my face. The weight of his body on top of me felt massive.

Suddenly Ethan heaved and yanked the man off of me. Before I could even speak he was pounding and beating his friend fiercely. People we're scattering and yelling. I heard the words "stop it!" uttered from my mouth. That's when he turned toward me, pure evil shined through his eyes. His face was twisted with rage and anger, I could barely recognize him.

I didn't even feel it...everything went black.

I opened my eyes and seen people scrambling around. I could feel the warm blood trickle down my face. I saw two guys holding Ethan against the camper. I reached for help but nobody would even look at me. Just across from me on the ground, I saw the other guy, the one who had fallen on top of me. He wasn't moving. There was blood pooling on the ground beneath his head. I saw a girl crying. It was like a dream, the scenes around me flashing so quickly. Nothing made sense.

It felt like hours but in reality, it was only moments before I was able to stand up. The other guy was gone, there was only blood on the ground where he had been laying. Everyone else had vaporized, only empty beer cans, and a deteriorating fire proved that they had been there. Ethan was sitting beneath a tree with his head in his hands when he noticed me, he slowly stood up. "I'm so sorry baby!" I backed away. "I thought you were making out with him, come on...you know what it looked like!"

I was dizzy, my head was throbbing. I needed to sit down. I went inside of the camper and fell across the mattress laying in the back.

It was dark when I finally woke up. Ethan was lying next to me snuggled tightly against my back. His warmth felt nice, I didn't want to move.

Suddenly the entire camper was filled with blue flashing lights. A thunderous bang on the door jarred me out of the bed. Ethan jerked awake and frantically moved around the windows. Another slam-bang against the door caused me to weep out in fear. "What's going on?" I cried. The door swung open and three police officers tackled Ethan to the ground. "WHAT'S HAPPENING!?" I screamed.

Ethan was arrested for beating his friend that night. I eventually learned that his name was Randy. Someone had taken him to the nearby hospital. While being airlifted to a larger facility, the head injuries given to him by Ethan proved fatal.

As I watched the police car fade out of sight, I was certain that I would never see him again. He would spend the rest of his life behind bars, or at least a large majority of it. Ethan had a long history with the police, being in and out of trouble was a natural thing for him. This was not the first time that he had lost control and hurt someone.

I felt sad, lost, and abandoned. No matter what he had done, I felt love for that boy. I wish that I could have saved him.

The next morning I found myself starring out of the bus window, on my way back home. I wondered what Ethan was doing and if he was okay. I wondered if he loved me...I think that he did. I also thought about all that I had gained and lost that Summer. My virginity, my innocence, and my heart. I had also lost the trust and respect of my grandma.

Sometime later I would return to that small town where my life had drastically changed so quickly. My grandma was moving into an assisted living facility, I had gone back to mend broken fences. I also wanted to introduce her to Ella, her great-granddaughter.

She has her father's beautiful, dark eyes. She also has his curls that perfectly frame her tiny face. Ella will never know her father as he will never know her. It's for the best. But I will always remember...always.