Synchronicity

Part 1: He

He waits for sleep to take him. He feels the passing of time. He knows he will see her again. This way, he is honest with his desires. His dreams are doorways into his soul. He feels her. Every night he can hear her voice, press his body into hers, and merge with her. He looks into her eyes and sees himself. He knows she’s out there. He knows she’s real. He doubts himself often, then convinces himself he’s right. His identity is changing. He’s wanting to become someone else. Correction: he wants to become his highest self. He’s never cared for money, but suddenly feels the need to have it, and save it. He’s always loved his parents but doesn’t want to be responsible for them. He’s always allowed himself to be used for his talents and made a career out of other people’s intentions. He’s more than that. He knows there is a chance that he will never meet her, this siren, this goddess who mysteriously knows all of him. He’s never met her, never even once known anyone that resembled her. It’s always her in his dreams. Always. He is restless. He is passionate and angry and sad and longs for something he cannot name. Bigger than affection, bigger than compatibility, deeper than love, stronger than desire, everything unnamed that dwells inside. He wants all of it. Right now. He has always been alone. Even when he is surrounded by people, he has never known anyone to understand his being like she does. This is torture. He is falling in love with a fantasy. He doesn’t care. He doesn’t care. He doesn’t care. He needs her, this is all he knows. Sleep takes him. He sees her. For these hours, he is home.

Daylight. The sun warms his skin. He recalls his dream. Flashes of emotion. Sensation. He wonders if he’s lost his mind. Maybe he never had it. He feels so empty. He must work. He must do something. So, he does. He works and works and works and works. He works when anything hurts. He avoids his heart. He compartmentalizes his mind. He shields his soul. Everyone wants him. Everyone expects him to be happy. No one allows him freedom to be something new. He fights for every freedom he has. Maybe he wants to disappoint. Maybe he thinks about shocking them all. Maybe he hates himself and hopes someone will notice. Usually, he feels hollow. He like his work, loves it even. He wins awards for his ingenuity, and power. He is adored by strangers. He is objectified, but feels this makes him special, and understands it is part of his job. He feels he has no right to complain, therefore, he doesn’t. He is strong, masculine. He visualizes her finding him at work. He wants to impress her. He feels a surge of energy to outperform every male alive. He thinks she may not like him. He hates his insecurity. His duality. He feels inferior. She is enlightened and strong and beautiful. He is afraid of rejection to an alarming degree. Women love him, he loves women. But he is rare. He doesn’t think he has high standards, but apparently, he is the only man alive that would rather be alone forever than be with a woman just to say he had the experience. His desires are so strong he wants to murder sometimes. But he doesn’t. He’s not violent. Why is he so angry now? He has never been an angry person. It makes him feel unhinged. He understands his imperfections, but he has a feeling she is the cause. She activates every impulse he has ever suppressed. He wants to give himself completely to her. He feels he will never find someone like her. He prays she is real. He cannot take this constant reminder of her existence and not have her physically. He tries to bury is anger, but it makes him feel worse. He’s easily irritated and hates that he feels lonely. The days blur together as he comes to terms with the fact, he lives two lives: one in the day that others see, and one at night where he sees her.

A random night months later:

He has come to the conclusion that he is destined to meet her. He never dreams about any other woman. She walked into his dreams and made him feel human. He now knows they are fated. It’s been months. All he wants is her. He will have her. He starts looking for answers. He searches and searches and searches for an explanation. He thinks he finds an answer. He has a theory. It occurred to him what he is experiencing may be exceedingly rare, and therefore may not have an answer. He has been documenting his experiences. He grabs one of his notebooks: a little black notebook. He started journaling when he was a teenager. It was originally to help him sleep better, but then grew to become a habit whenever he felt like it. The first time he dreamt of her, he felt the most overwhelming urge to document his experience. He had eleven journals all with the same leather spine and cover. Leather always reminded him of his father. His father always wore a leather jacket whenever they would go into town as a boy, and he had adopted the habit of making leather a usual part of his wardrobe. In many ways these notebooks were as much a part of him as his own soul. They witnessed everything, the keepers of his heart. He felt like these accounts were the most vulnerable aspect of himself. The desire to let just one person in the whole world handle all of him. That she is worthy of all that he is and all he will be is so severe in his mind, he felt himself shake with longing. This desperate need to merge souls with another, whether fashioned from old notions subconsciously programmed into his brain or cultivated from the realization that despite his best efforts to remain undeterred from his career, he was a man of flesh and blood; was a profound revelation. Moreover, was the tendency to self-doubt his worth and regress into false beliefs of thinking where he adopted the role of someone less enlightened. He grips the black notebook, holds it close to his chest and tries with all his power to manifest her. He wants her. He truly understands what wanting means. His comprehension prior to knowing her essence was baseless and so devolved it cannot be compared. He is hers. He does not accept the lies. He does not accept the issue of truth. He knows the truth. He knows he will find her.

Part 2: She

She has envisioned this countless times. She has known him for lifetimes and cannot wait to know him in this lifetime. She has never once felt love for anyone in her life. She knows she is close. She has felt the signs. She has witnessed the numerological patterns and knows enough to understand that he is aware now. She has nothing to add apart from her own decision to find him. She is unburdened by circumstance, insecurity, negativity. She knows herself. It has taken years to become familiar with herself and realize she is destined for things she cannot imagine, despite her extensive attempts to predict the future. He is awake. She is awake. They are one and without any malice or lack of presence, they do not suffocate, or imbalance the other. It is this harmony that generates her excitement. She thinks passion is nothing without love, and love is heartless without passion. The undercurrent of feeling is extreme. She can feel herself through him.

Night. She dreams. Sees him writing in a little black notebook. She has seen this before. Through their connection, she was able to see what was written on some of the pages. She pulls her own notebook out and reads what she wrote two nights before. She understands now. Everything. All of it. This cycle is about to end.

He and She Mutual Reflection: There are some things in this universe that are so specific, so incomprehensively strong that you must experience them to deserve the knowledge that comes from experience.

A random night:

She meditates as the long night passes, and daylight makes itself known. A thought occurs to her: write your story so you can go to him. She sees an advertisement for a writing contest. “Win 20,000 dollars for the best original story.” She reads the guidelines. Realizes that millions of people may also write for a chance to win. She doesn’t care. She must write something. She is tired of not having his physical body, of not knowing his humanity. She wants to help him. She wants to help herself. She wants to love him and confide in him. She has experienced the most extraordinary journey and the path to union has been riddled with pain and uncertainty. Now that she feels his awareness, she must find him. She knows he lives in another country. She knows who he is and feels he has a fair understanding of her identity: her face, her voice, but is unaware of her name or where she’s from. So, at the risk of revealing all her cards to complete strangers, disguising her story as a fiction; and being more embarrassingly transparent than she already feels, she decides to write about her experience and prays that the path to alignment with her mirror soul includes winning this contest. She is the fantasy, her life is the fiction, and to anyone who reads her story; it will appear she has a fertile, vivacious mind. But the reality is so much bigger than any story she could ever write. Yet, she must try. She must attempt to listen to her higher self.

“Let me be enough. Let me be enough. Let me be enough. Please God, let me be enough.”

Two weeks pass. She receives a letter and an email congratulating her on her story being selected as the grand prize winner. She sits in complete silence and cries. Hours pass before she moves. She hears a voice guide her. She takes out her notebook and makes arrangements to travel to find him. She feels the air become lighter and warmth radiate her body. For the first time in her life, she feels truly capable. She knows she will find him. Her life will never be the same. She intends to honor her destiny. She will use this money to find him, relocate, and save what she can. She can work anywhere in the world and is not burdened by conventional employment. This is further confirmation she is meant to find him. She will write about their union, for herself and anyone that finds it helpful. She will make history.

Part 3: One

Time passes.

She finds him. He worships her.

His desire fuels their bond and makes her more powerful. He is ready. His mind is ready, his heart is ready. She is ready. Her heart is ready, her body is ready. These concepts were their tests. They each have roles, predestined in their imperfections, creating versions of divinity in their own kind of heaven with one another. There is no reality. Only energy and the transfer of energy between their souls. Their souls have a union that changes all of time. Masters of Fate, Oneness obtained, the New World Order.

Synchronized.