Surviving toxic leadership

How to survive toxic leadership.

For this piece I will be looking at how to survive toxic leadership. I will be achieving this by firstly defining some keys words like Toxic and Leadership. I go on to explain the characteristics of a toxic leader and the damage a toxic leader has on an employee. I will then go on to explain which skills and qualities that a toxic leader lacks. It will be through this process that I will come to the conclusion that contrary to what a toxic leader will have us believe, it is not our fault. I am hoping that by giving key characteristics to look out for, we can all recognise a toxic leader before any significant damage has been done. I will be looking at this through an early years educational perspective.

Cambridge dictionary online describes the term leadership as “the person or people in charge of an organisation” (Leadership meaning in the Cambridge English Dictionary online, 2021). In early years settings, these could range from room managers, third in charges, deputy managers, managers, owners and depending if the setting is part of a large chain, regional managers and CEOs.

Oxford Leaners dictionaries describes a toxic person as “very unpleasant, especially in the way somebody likes to control and influence other people in a dishonest way” (toxic adjective – Definition at OxfordLearnersDictionaries.com, 2021) I agree with this statement. Toxic people are manipulative, deceitful and purposefully go above and beyond to control and contort every moment of reality you share in their presence.

When I think about a leadership figure or team, I think about people who are trustworthy, who know how to always be professional, who know how to address their team, parents, and any other external agency and “provide a work environment that is satisfying and engaging” (Roter, 2017, P4). It sounds like allot to take on, but it is something that should be natural to us as it is “a universal phenomenon in humans and is also observed in many species of animals, such as matriarchal elephants and patriarchal gorillas.” (Bass & Bass, 2008, P7 Kindle edition). A good leader is someone who has “the ability to inspire, motivate, provide a guiding vision and lead followers towards the successful completion of a goal or strategy” (Roter, 2017, P6)

However, there are some people who abuse their position. If a toxic leader is good at their psychological control, they will start off by seeming like a trustworthy and nice person. Their gaze is intense as they ask intimidating questions, hoping that you are not aware that what they are asking is inappropriate. At first glance toxic leaders are “intriguing and will first charm but then manipulate, mistreat, undermine and ultimately leave their followers worst off than they found them” (Lipman – Blumen,2005 p3) For a while things will be great, until you either challenge this toxic leader or fall into a false sense of security.

This is the first time you will see the dark side of the toxic leader, if the toxic leader feels like they are losing power or challenged in any way “they will inflict as much damage and harm on individuals, teams and the organisation” (Roter, 2017, P7) After this first encounter, the toxic leader will make you feel like it was your fault and try to return to the charming person you met at the beginning. Straight after this first encounter, you are in a very vulnerable state, you are left questioning and blaming yourself for clearly making a mistake. You feel like your work bubble has popped and you are starting to look at the toxic leader differently. You ask yourself if other people see them in this way too? So you try to have generic conversations to test the waters with your other colleges.

What you don’t know is they are too petrified to speak so they tell you how lovely the toxic leader is. The toxic leader plays on this vulnerability, pretends nothing is wrong and begins to gaslight you. According to Britannica online, the definition of gaslighting is “Gaslighting, an elaborate and insidious technique of deception and psychological manipulation, usually practiced by a single deceiver, or “gaslighter,” on a single victim over an extended period. Its effect is to gradually undermine the victim’s confidence in his own ability to distinguish truth from falsehood, right from wrong, or reality from appearance, thereby rendering him pathologically dependent on the gaslighter in his thinking or feelings.” (Britannica, 2021, gaslighting, online definition). By doing this, the toxic leader is able to maintain the illusion that they in fact were in the right, they are there to protect you and what would you do without them, and you believe them. This type of inhumane behaviour leaves us “shaken by fearsome conditions, we transform fallible human leaders into infallible gods—gods for whose protection and guidance we would willingly exchange our freedom, as the Germans did in the decades following World War I.” (Lipman – Blumen, 2005 p89).

You feel trapped, feel that you cant leave because its only been a couple of months, how would it look? What would people say? Its easier said than done, you leave. After this first encounter you leave. If I knew then that I could just leave I would have saved myself from one of the biggest mental health breakdowns I have ever had to live through. You will find another job. In that moment you want to believe so hard that things will change, that maybe things will get better. I can guarantee that it won’t. This type of control is suffocating while you are working in an early years. Your main objective is to provide outstanding care for children, but how is this possible while you are receiving such horrendous working conditions? “Toxic leaders disseminate their poison through over-control” (Wilson-Starks, 2003, Online publication)

The toxic leader has not become this way on their own. There have been enablers along the way that have reinforced this behaviour. “A toxic person’s behaviors trigger reactions from others. Soon the triggers and the reactions begin to damage the team or individuals, who may react in ways that actually reinforce the toxic behaviours.” (Kusy and Holloway, 2009, P222, kindle edition)

The toxic entourage did this to either save their own heads from the chopping block or to gain some sort of recognition or promotion. “In a toxic leadership environment, people are rewarded for agreeing with the boss and punished for thinking differently. In a toxic leadership environment, “yes” people are rewarded and are promoted to leadership roles” (Wilson-Starks, 2003, Online publication).

These toxic leaders and their entourage are often caught in a “complex web of toxicity” (Kusy and Holloway, 2009, P214, kindle edition), they are unable to break away from each other until something happens or someone finally challenges the system.

The toxic leader is volatile and can turn on you at any time. They will start with small psychological acts once in a while and build up to daily abuse. To an outsider the toxic leader is passionate and forward thinking and doing what is necessary for the business, to the people you work with it is an endless barrage of incidents as they watch a once confident and strong friend and colleague reduced to an empty shell of a human being, “people who more fully engage their mental resources, critical thinking, and questioning skills are shut out from decision making and positions of influence.” (Wilson-Starks, 2003, Online publication). The “toxic leaders’ motivation is inwardly focused, destructive and violates the best interest of the organisation as well as employees” (Roter, 2017, P8)

By this point you have detached yourself from life and work. You can still leave for your own sanity; you are enough of a reason to leave a place that is not bringing any good to your life. I really struggled to understand how one human could inflict so much psychological abuse onto another. It was only until I started doing research into toxic people and leadership that I begun to gain closure on my experience.

We cannot fathom this abuse because a toxic leader is an accumulation of “The Dark Triad” (Roter, 2017, P73). The dark triad traits according to Roter comprise of “narcissism, Psychopathy and Machiavellianism” (Roter, 2017, P73)

“Narcissism is focused on feelings of grandiosity, dominance and superiority” and “Psychopathy features traits of impulsive behaviour, thrill seeking, low empathy and low anxiety” (Paulhus & Williams, 2002, as cited by Roter, 2017, P73), “while Machiavellianism is focused on the manipulation of others” (Stead & Fekken, 2014, as cited by Roter, 2017, P73)

The dark triad is a dangerous combination of psychological traits that sees a toxic leader imprudently switch from one goal, resource or task to another having no regard to whom or what it damages along the way, this includes their very own organisation. The dark triad results in the “systematic and repeated behaviour by a leader, supervision or manager that violates the legitimate interest of the organisation by undermining or sabotaging an organisational goals, tasks, resources and wellbeing of subordinates” (Einarsen, Aasland & Skogstad, 2007, P2).

Now we have extensively covered traits and signs of a toxic leader, I will go on to explain all the qualities they lack which will ultimately explain how surviving toxic leadership is an accomplishment.

John Maxwell published a book called The 21 irrefutable Laws of Leadership. In his book, he talks about the many laws that will develop an organisation progress and effectiveness. Twenty-one laws seems like allot of skills to take on but these laws just seem like common sense. The twenty-one laws are,

“The law of the lid, The law of influence, The law of process, The law of navigation, The law of addition, The law od solid ground, The law of respect, The law of intuition, The law of magnetism, The law of connection, The law of the inner circle, The law of employment, The law of the picture, The law od the buy-in, The law of victory, The law of the big M.O, The law ofnpriorities, The law of sacrifice, The law of timing, The law of explosive growth and The law of legacy” (Maxwell, 2007, Content page)

The first law, which is “The law of the lid” (Maxwell, 2007, P1), explains that if a managers and leaders do not have leadership ability then they will not be able to create and increase in their effectiveness. As toxic leaders have minimal leadership ability, they will always fail. “Without leadership ability, a person’s impact is only a fraction of what it could be” (Maxwell, 2007, p5)

Another law is “The law of respect” (Maxwell, 2007, P73). This is one of the laws that just seemed like common sense, however even though a toxic leader does seem like they have the ability to be respectful when you first meet them. The toxic leader’s dark triad characteristics means that they are “autocratic leaders” who “rely on violence and intimidation to get people to do what they want” (Maxwell, 2007, P79).

The final law I will be looking at is “The Law of the big M.O.” (Maxwell, 2007, P193) this is the law of momentum. This law explains how “momentum is a leaders best friend” (Maxwell, 2007, P193) however when working with a toxic leader who has run workplace moral down by their erratic behaviour, it feels like there is no way forward and that as an employee you are just stuck in a stagnant place. “An organisation with no momentum is like a train at a dead stop. Its hard to get going and even small wooden blocks on the track can keep it from going anywhere” (Maxwell, 2007, P197)

To conclude this essay on surviving toxic leadership, it is imperative to know that it is not our fault. Leaders in any organisation have a profound impact on their employees. The experiences you have at a workplace can be detrimental to our wellbeing. My personal experience left me with sever anxiety that I struggle to control to this day. “No one affects the work experience of organizational members more (for good or bad) than the immediate leader” (Stoner & Stoner, 2013, P5)

I am hoping that if this essay can help anyone to notice a toxic leader before the damage has been inflicted then it has been a success. It has helped me gain some closure with my personal situation as it has made me realised that regardless of how much I tried, it would not matter. “People like this have the same effect on an organization that termites have on a wooden house. On the outside, things look normal; but there is serious trouble just under the surface. When such a company faces unusual stresses—a depressed economy, for instance—more demands will be put on the workforce. Like a termite-infested house, the organization crumbles from within.” (Wilson-Starks, 2003, Online publication)

The closure I have found by researching for this essay has enabled me to look to the future. A toxic leader can not help being the way they are. It is in their nature to be as abrasive as they are. I know one thing for sure, there may be some professions that would benefit toxic leaders, preferably ones that do not have to deal with other humans, however, toxic leadership is not welcome within the education sector.

“Under toxic leaders, employees have basically two options: conform or leave.” (Wilson-Starks, 2003, Online publication). Make sure you leave.

Reference list

1) Bass, Bernard M.; Bass, Ruth. 2017 The Bass Handbook of Leadership : Theory, Research, and Application (p. 7). Free Press. Kindle Edition.

2) Dictionary.cambridge.org. 2021. LEADERSHIP | Meaning In The Cambridge English Dictionary. [online] Available at: https://dictionary.cambridge.org/dictionary/english/leadership [Accessed 6 January 2021].

3) Encyclopaedia Britannica. 2021. Gaslighting | Definition, Origins, & Facts. [online] Available at: https://www.britannica.com/topic/gaslighting [Accessed 7 January 2021].

4) Kusy, Mitchell; Holloway, Elizabeth. Toxic Workplace! Wiley & Sons, inc. Jossey-Bass, Kindle Edition. Positions 222, 214,

5) Lipman – Blumen, J 2005. The allure of toxic leaders: why we follow destructive bosses and corrupt politicians and how we survive them. New York, Oxford University Press, Pages 3, 89,

6) Oxfordlearnersdictionaries.com. 2021. Toxic Adjective - Definition, Pictures, Pronunciation And Usage Notes | Oxford Advanced Learner's Dictionary At Oxfordlearnersdictionaries.com. [online] Available at: https://www.oxfordlearnersdictionaries.com/definition/english/toxic?q=toxic [Accessed 6 January 2021].

7) Roter, A, B,. 2017. Understanding and recognising dysfunctional leadership, Routledge, Pages, 4, 6, 7, 8, 73

8) Stoner, Charles R.; Stoner, Jason S. 2013 Building Leaders (p. 5). Routledge Taylor and Francis. Kindle Edition.

9) Wilson-Starks, Karen Y, 2003. Toxic Leadership. [online]https://transleadership.com/wp-content/uploads/ToxicLeadership.pdf, TRANSLEADERSHIP, INC. Accessed on 9th of January 2021, Page 2