Straight? Gay? Bi? Pan? Queer? Asexual?

How long did it take for you to realise your sexuality? Or are you still trying to find out, which is why you are reading this?

It took me a while before realising I was actually gay! It was a surprise to most people as they think the typical lesbian has to be “manly”, with short hair, baggy clothes, and tattoos and they call it “Butch”. BUT THAT IS NOT ME. People just need the chance to be educated, it is better today than what it was a while back, as now you see it a lot more in movies and on TV, it’s the new norm.

I was 15 when I came out to most people. But that’s not when I had an idea of it. I was only 12 when I started looking at girls and getting crushes on them, instead of boys in school. It wasn’t as common then so I kept quiet and didn’t take action on my thoughts. My first kiss was a girl, I can’t remember much of it as I tried blurring it out as I was ashamed and embarrassed, I thought I had let everyone down like I had committed a sin. From then on I had only dated boys. Even though I felt nothing for them, I did it so no one would doubt me. I was a bit of a tomboy from about ten years old to 13. I think it’s because I only spent my spare time playing ball games with the local kids around my area, and wore clothes like theirs to try and fit in as they were all athletic males. I then went into year 9 (ages 13 to 14-year-olds) at school. I started hanging around with a bunch of “girly girls” that did their nails, hair, and makeup. That’s when I came out of my shell. I started doing simple, natural makeup and getting my nails done every once and a while, That’s when I started to turn “femme”. Moving on to year 11 (ages 15-16), I had my first serious boyfriend, this was the boy that helped me. I dated him for five months. It got to four months into the relationship, I decided to get serious with him, sort of like “I was testing the waters” or whatever they say. I tried ‘it’ and during it, I, all of a sudden, had flashes of the ‘first kiss’ girl in my head, like the sex had opened a memory box in my head. A few weeks later, he hadn’t heard from me, it felt wrong so I had to break it off. So I broke up with him after spending five months with him, I just felt bad as he told me he loved me, but I couldn’t say that I had felt the same way as I would be lying and I had grown fond of him in a friendship way. He stopped speaking to me as he felt awkward and embarrassed. A few weeks until the end of year 11 came along, I couldn’t get it out my head. It was all that I was thinking about, in class, at break, at lunch, even in bed. I couldn’t get the idea of me liking girls out of my head. I came to realisation and decided to build up the courage to come out to my friends, I thought if they will accept me then my family has to, as family should be closer than friends. It’s just, I had all these good thoughts in my head, then I had all the bad ones like, will they not want to know me anymore, or will they think of me any less? And then there are the stupid ones like will they think because I like girls that I have crushes on them now? Which is incorrect!

But I did it, I came out to my five close friends at school and they were so happy for me, I couldn’t have asked for better friends!

One of my closest friends helped me then build up the courage to come out to my mum and my two sisters. I wrote a letter to my mum. Her response was a tearful, “I will love you, no matter who you love.” She’s a wonderful woman and a great mum. She was one of the hardest to come out to as she’s my mum and I respect and admire her and her opinions. Next up we’re my two sisters, I sent them both snapchats (I know, such a millennial thing to do). But it was easier than doing it in person like to my mum. They both said they knew even though it wasn’t obvious, they both just thought that because there are eight of us, so one of my parents' eight children must at least be bi or gay. And also, I am obsessed with Rose and Rosie and YouTubers like that. Last but not least, I had to come out to my Instagram following; a.k.a people in my life from school, dance, and other hobbies I had. I did this by uploading a picture of a rainbow on my face. I thought this was a creative and quirky thing to do.

Annoying questions/statements I get often:

• Are you sure it’s not a phase?
• Who’s the man in the relationship?
• Who turned you?
• You just haven’t found the right man yet.

This is a simple and basic version of my story, it’s not in full detail as that is way too long. :)

My story isn’t over yet, I still haven’t come out to most of my family, like my dad, brothers, cousins, nieces, and nephews, etc...

But thanks for reading! I hope this helped you or at least made you feel better about yourself!