Stop Pretending and Start Living

It is easier to wear masks than to be completely honest with yourself. But what's the point? In the end, it's expensive.

«Do you want to be happy? Then don't do what you don't like. Pretense and deception give rise to pure misery »-Michael Lee

Do you like the job? Do you love your partner? Are you happy? You can answer "yes" to all these questions, but do you believe that it is?

Most of us just pretend to live our lives. The truth is that it is easier for you to convince yourself that you are satisfied with something or someone and not admit the opposite. Convincing yourself that you are happy when you are not, run away from the difficult decisions needed to change your current state.

If you pretend that everything is fine, you have no reason to give up the job you hate. If you look at the world, you don't have to face all the risks, fears, and potential disapproval of friends, family, and colleagues.

Then you don't have to tell your partner that you don't love him too much or that you don't feel happy in this relationship anymore.

Then there is no need to step on pride and ask for help when you need it… because, hey, everything is fine!

After all, you can only smile and pretend.

You try hard to pretend that everything is fine, knowing deep in your heart that this is not the case at all. You spend so much time trying to meet the opinions and expectations of others that you lose the ability to listen to your heart.

Is it really necessary to ask yourself, do you really like your job or do you still love your spouse? You have to ask yourself: am I happy? To be honest, some of you already know the answer. When you are truly happy, you know it. When you're not, you know it.

In all honesty, I confess - I've lived pretending for years. I was convinced that I liked my job, although from the first day I knew it didn't suit me at all. I pampered everyone to eliminate the risk of being convicted and rejected.

After spending so much time hiding my true self, I finally realized that I had had enough. Stop being fake, stop being superficial, stop trying to please, and seek the approval of others. It just arrives!

Then I decided, "I'm going to stop pretending."

I didn't want a fake relationship where people loved the one I wasn't really, because I was too scared to show my true self.

I didn't want to "play carefully" at a meeting, because I was afraid that I wouldn't be able to answer properly or that I would say something wrong and ruin everything. We all want to be loved, but if we go on a date with someone who looks at every little thing, looking for an opportunity to point out mistakes, how can he or she be a partner for us?

Even if this "adjustment strategy" works, you risk being in a lifeless relationship with the wrong person, pretending to be someone you are not.

It's easier to pretend than to be completely honest with yourself, but what's the point? Is expensive.

If I pretend that my current job is satisfying, what are the chances that I will change something to build a successful career that will give meaning to my life?

If I pretend to be happy at a time when my true feelings are the opposite, then how do I begin to improve my relationship?

If I'm constantly trying to be someone, aren't I, how can I build serious relationships with people who would love me if I only gave them a chance to know my true self?

I wanted my relationship with others to be serious, deep, and emotionally reflective. I did not want to constantly think about the words that came to my mind and select only those that would help me gain the indulgence of my interlocutor.

I wanted to say out loud that I hate something, even if everyone around me likes this "something." As a Frenchman living in Japan, I wanted to admit that I was not interested in French literature, even if everyone expected otherwise. I mean, I know absolutely nothing about wines, and I don't eat cheese.

I wanted to admit that I remember almost nothing about the movie my friends were discussing. Finally, when I was asked about my hobbies, I was happy to say that I love to study and not mumble something like, "Well, I love watching movies and listening to music."

I try to be honest, show myself to be present, and say what is in my understanding of the truth.

Now, when I'm working on a new project that has to jump between the tables all the time, I explain to my clients that I'm not very good at excel, I don't have enough experience with this tool. I would have hidden this fact before and then I regretted it for days or even weeks and I shuddered that I was not good enough.

I began to openly share my interests with the people I had just met, to talk about what I was doing right now, and even to talk about how I envisioned my future.

And, yes, I realize I'm the billionth person to make that joke.

This is not my "newest" achievement, for I have been talking about these things for a long time. What is new to me is how my attitude toward what is said and done has changed.

At first, I felt guilty and ashamed too, but fortunately, these feelings quickly dissipated. At one point I stopped worrying that he didn't like cheese. I stopped apologizing because I'm not happy with my job. And I stopped blaming myself for not being able to excel. It made me even freer!

In a word, I stopped talking a little and started saying everything as it is. No unnecessary comments that I usually add at the end. I don't apologize for staying and I don't give in to things that can't be changed.

Pretending is expensive, and now I'm not talking about money spent and other resources, but rather inner harmony and happiness.

We always have a choice. You can continue to pretend that everything is fine, to avoid risks, to establish yourself for a "good" relationship, a gray job, and ordinary life. But you can make a decision and admit it as you are, take your fear and coercion into your own hands and you will have the opportunity to build a deep relationship with yourself and others.

Maybe it's time for you to stop pretending and start being honest with yourself. Otherwise, you may miss out on an activity that will inspire you to wake up every morning and meet people who love you for who you are, not the person you are pretending to be.