Spiritual Endurance

I have for the better part of my life, been somewhat of a lone wolf. As a child, I would tend, to keep to myself. I experienced a lot of trauma as a child, that even now, having had years pass, from then to now, I still have repressed memories, which I may never recount in full. The level of intensity that seemed to perpetuate my families relationships, was fueled by a strong addictive tendency, which plagued my mother and my father, and then the behaviors, and genetic pre-disposition to such things, was passed down to my brothers and myself.

I spent a large chunk of my adult life, in a state of active addiction. I firmly know that the things which I experienced as a child, were part of the fuel for the fire of addiction, which did in fact plague my life, costing me precious time, and having adverse reactions on my health, both mentally and physically. Since my brother, my mother, and my wife, all lost their lives to addiction, I reached the point, where I could not abide it in my life, any longer, and I began fighting that very thing, that nearly destroyed my life, as it has so many others around me.

At the age of 16 I began researching different spiritual practices, which seemed to speak to my very soul, such as Buddhism, Taoism, Confucianism, Wicca, as well as the Christian religion, and instead of choosing one path, I combined beliefs from these different belief systems, and created my own Central Spiritual Practice, which has stayed with me for the last 22 years. During the time in my life, where I was lost in the darkness of addiction, I never allowed my self to stray from the spiritual foundation, which I established in my youth, in fact it is truly, one of the only things that kept me going some days, when all hope seemed lost, and the various situations I found myself in, which were more often than not, a result from my desire to help others, were not healthy situations for one to find themselves in.

My desire to help others to overcome this affliction, is my driving passion and one with which I approach with a sense of purpose, that has completely reshaped my life. My wife and I had many conversations in regards to what the other should do, in the event, one of us were to pass away before the other, and my dream for her, in the event I were to pass away before her, was for her to go back to school, and work on becoming a doctor, or some kind of professional, in the healthcare field, I felt her knowledge, and passion, could help countless people who had suffered through things, that she herself had suffered from, giving her a unique inside perspective, allowing her to be in the role of an advocate.

My wife told me that she wanted me to go back to school, and become a doctor, in the event that she was to pass away before myself, as well as take care, to the best of my ability, the family that was unable to care for themselves. In 2019 my wife passed away from a drug overdose, and this loss caused my entire world to come crashing down, in a manner of speaking, it literally caused my mental health to shatter, and I lost touch with reality for a brief period of time. I ended up seeking help for myself after losing my wife, and began focusing on truly healing the wounds that I had sustained, mentally, spiritually, and emotionally. I was in a psychiatric facility for 1 month and that gave me the time to re evaluate what I wanted my life to mean, and where I wanted to go, in terms of my personal and professional aspirations.

I would not have known where to start on my journey of self discovery and healing, would it not have been for the conversation my late wife and I had in regards to our wishes for the other, in the event one of us was to leave this world, before the other.

I did not have an exact plan on how to get to where I wanted to be, but I did have the guiding light, of honoring the wishes of my late wife. I had been her caregiver for 11 years prior to her passing, and I cared for her brother and sister for 2 years after losing her. This time that I spent as a caregiver, shaped and molded the capacity for me to help others to heal from the past traumas which they had experienced, and it also led me to finding the desire for what I wanted to do , professionally speaking. I am now on my way to becoming a Substance Abuse Counselor, Personal Trainer, and Reiki practitioner, as well as my full time work as a health care worker.

I am fully invested in not only my future, but the futures of those I am able to help, in overcoming the trials that we all face in this life, in whatever unique way these trials may present themselves. Finding my peace, in what my purpose is in this life, has re ignited the flame of passion within my spirit, to make this world a more loving, more respectful, and healthier place to exist. I am working towards leaving a legacy of kindness behind me, when I do in fact depart from this world, for the only thing I can truly do for another, is to try and be the best example of how a human should be, in whatever way I am able to, whether it be ethically, morally, spiritually, physically, mentally, or emotionally. At the end of the day, we only have ourselves to blame if we don't do our best, to be our best, in whatever way we are able to.

Setting a good example for others to follow should be the goal of every one of us, because we live in a world, that is saturated in chaotic fear, due to the pace at which everything is changing. We must all find the time, to just stand still, and enjoy the present, instead of constantly worrying about tomorrow, or constantly regretting yesterday. Take the regret out of yesterday, by offering your best to the world around you. Leave nothing to chance, and always act in a way that is mindful, and peaceful, and the example you set, may change someone else's life, in ways you may not even realize, just by living as your best self.

Brightest Blessings.