Soul Connections

I always think about interactions with people or why they act the way they do. I myself usually try not to act immediately even when angered. From past experience I know this doesn't bring the best outcomes, but more than likely regrets. Regardless, I still feel the pain of negative interactions with friends and think about them much when they do occur. My intention is never to hurt anyone in any way, so it causes me many thoughtful moments when these happen.

In the past few years I have gone through some confusion with many "friendships." I had someone who I thought was on my side and liked me, turn on me. No they didn't do any dastardly deed, but I guess I felt the rejection by their rudeness to our communications whereas we used to get along quite well. I had thought they were a kindred spirit. I didn't really know what I had done, but I have a feeling gossip and perhaps jealousy got in the way of our friendship. We had a friend in common, and I had a feeling they were chatting about me. I also feel like I was judged in absentia and hung in absentia as well. I had cut off my "friend in common," and she never asked me why or tried to contact me again, so I feel my suspicions were in a way validated.

Since my other "friend" never asked me about anything, but just decided to treat me in an unbecoming manner, I decided she was never really my friend. At the time it felt like a great loss to me because I genuinely liked this person. I felt hurt by the treatment and I guess also by just being judged without so much as a peep on my side. My crime I suppose was working in the best possible situation in order to help my family. I am a contractor and at that time had to work out of my home. I cannot think of any other reason this friend would have been angry with me, but then again I don't know what they were talking about.

What I have learned from this situation was I crave soul connections. The difference between friends and soul connections is that your friends maybe are not always hoping for the best for you. I don't think this happens on purpose, but more that we grow at different rates and maybe they are not ready to grow there yet. Soul connections have a positive effect on your soul growth and you as a person in general.

The Beginning

I had a friend for 40+ years who asked me to buy tickets to an event. I didn't really want to go to this particular event, but did as my friend did want to go in a bad way. This was the beginning of the friend lesson I believe. The lesson was very clear but took a long time as it was the first in a few friend events over the past 10 years. That's why I say long because it probably happened around 10 years ago or so and I finally have come to a conclusion.

Anyhow we attended this event which was costly and my friend said she'd pay for her ticket later which was fine with me. The day after the event I received an email that said she would not be paying for her ticket as she did not have a good time. I actually couldn't believe what I was reading. This taught me two things: firstly, if I really did not want to do something, do not do it; and the second was I laid down a boundary on what I would accept. We are no longer friends. I don't think someone who was interested in the best for you would do something like this. I didn't think about it like that at the time but was just angry that she said that. Had she emailed me and said she had no money, I would have accepted that.

Alternatively I have another old friend of also about 40+ years, and she is a soul connection. We have had long talks on so many topics and whenever we chat or spend time together, I depart in a thoughtful, upbeat mood which is what I am looking for in other souls. This is the feeling I've come to recognize when I meet new souls.

I've had many other occurrences in between these two over the years, and they have had varying degrees of impact (negative mostly) on me, but finally if there is one thing to look for in your relationships is if you are not feeling like it's improving you as a person which can be many many ways, then maybe it's a "friend" relationship and not a soul connection.