Smoking Sensation

After the age of 35, men in the Midwest become obsessed with smoking meats. Think about it. I know it’s a generalization – and a broad one at that, but its true and anyone reading this knows it. If you have been to the backyard of an adult male living in Gods Country, I guarantee you can visualize the bbq contraption, the bragging about their signature brisket, the discussion of internal temperatures, and the debate of Traeger vs Green Mountain Grill. Further, tell me that you have not seen a dad open their smoker to check their meat, get consumed by a billow of smoke and then utter the phrase “oh yeah! That’s some good meat right there”. It’s a universal experience and one that we all benefit from.

Josh just happens to fall into the “adult male over 35” category. In fact, he is 36 and up until recently was not in possession of a smoker. My mother, being the generous human that she is decided to solve this. Josh was given a GMG Davy Crockett smoker for Christmas – woah! This little apparatus is designed to be portable (as portable as 80 pounds can be), connects to your phone with WiFi and utilizes pellets in an exceptionally efficient manner – this is quite the spectacular little device. Josh was thrilled.

The smoker was presented assembled, meaning that precious time would not be wasted on nuts and bolts, rather Josh would be able to begin his new hobby immediately. He read the instruction manual cover to cover, downloaded the app, watched instruction videos and finally started his new smoker. The first start of a pellet smoker requires a tedious chronology of processes. Remember, this is the vehicle of midwestern obsession – he followed the instructions meticulously.

Both of us caught up in the excitement of now belonging to the elite community of smoking families, began researching cuts of meat, recipes, sauces, and seasonings. In my best effort to support my beau, I encouraged a trip to the butcher. This particular butcher boasts their expertise and raising of Akaushi beef – a type of Wagyu. I took my support a step further and purchased 2 of these Akaushi cuts – a fillet and a strip. Surely my $90 expenditure would ensure a successful first smoke, consequently encouraging his new interest.

Josh started the smoker for the first cook. We prepared the steaks with all the care that the exotic cuts require. We monitored the temperature and then, it was time for the maiden voyage of our little smoker. We laid the steaks on the grates, closed the lid, and waited. 7 minutes later Josh came into the kitchen out of breath and obviously panicked. The smoker had shut off. No power, no heat, and no warning. I immediately started heating up the cast iron – ignoring the generous coating of tator tot residue left behind from our last culinary experience. The steaks were placed in the hot skillet – we were determined to salvage our dinner.

Josh was occupied with the failure of his contraption. I was focused on saving the steaks. The first side was seared. I looked up and was completely blind. In my panic, I did not realize that the house was filling with smoke. Intense white smoke so thick that I could not see the other side of the kitchen. Josh entered the house – I only know this because he immediately started yelling out for me. I couldn’t focus on resolving the smoke – there were still Akaushi steaks searing in the pan.

The steaks were finally to an acceptable internal temperature – even if their external color was a bit darker than appropriate. With the front and back doors open, it still took 20 minutes and 2 fans to remove the billows of smoke from our small home. We cut into the blackened fillet. We are unsure if smoke inhalation dulled our senses, or if the integrity of the cut was the true salvation of the meal, but the steak was phenomenal.

The dead smoker was still to be remedied. I recommended contacting my mother – she has a talent for resolving customer service issues – and she purchased the gift. But, to that end, it was a gift and to avoid appearing ungrateful, Josh was clear that he wanted to address the issue without her involvement. Josh contacted the manufacturer and found that the grill was actually a refurbished item originally created 3 years prior – a small detail unknown to my mother. Further, the smoker was recognized to have unexpected stoppage of power. Over the course of 2 weeks, Josh became a regular contact with the Green Mountain Customer Service. He rewired the unit, replaced the ignitor, and updated the firmware. Still, it did not function. In an additional attempt to rebuild the grill piece by piece, rather than replacing the faulty unit, Josh was instructed on how exchange the auger of the smoker that feeds the pellets into the fire. The instruction and lack of true customer service, led Josh to finally agree to allow my mother’s intervention.

I relayed the events to my mother and after a scolding for being so frivolous with my dollars, she agreed to address the issue. As the purchaser, a mother, and the convincing human that she is, my mother had the grill replaced with a new unit. The replacement smoker was christened with a pork butt and has been used successfully on a daily basis. My 36 year old, Kansas City native has lived up to the expectation – and I couldn’t be happier