Sleepless night

I lay awake at night. Thinking of how I have found a living piece of heaven in human form. Yet it being so close is just barely out of reach. Laying there I find my mind drifting to her. Hair as dark as night a shade of ebony that reminds me of a beauty that only exists in twilight hours before dawn. Eyes of emerald that are reminiscing of a spring meadow perfectly at peace. Skin of ivory almost like the most amazing marble sculpture come to life. Her shy smile that sets my soul on fire when she starts to talk to about her passions or pass times. A voice in talk and song that could move even the devil to tears from its beauty. As much as the aesthetics lure you in the it is the soul and personality that are the true nature of enrapture. An intelligence tempered with a wisdom not meant for one so young. A soul of genuine mercy and compassion that could rival even the most devout angel. She has dreams and passions she fervently chases but, still makes time for the simple pleasures in life even the silly ones. Just her mere presence in my life has returned me from a state of cynicism and feelings that life was a burden to not only living again but, finding joy in even the tough days. So here I lay knowing I don't deserve anything so wonderful in my life. Wanting with all my heart to become closer to her but knowing I'm not worthy enough. Maybe it is my punishment for my past to be this close to heaven but even embrace it. If so, it feels more like a divine reward than punishment for even as things are it fills my mind with hope and soul with wonder and joy. Even the lack of sleep laying here doesn't bother me, for even in absence the mere thought of her brings me peace. A peace that has been lacking in my life for as long as I can remember. Peace that has changed not only how I act but how I think as a person. Slowly I find myself moving from seeing the worst in the world and in people. Slowly this sense of peace has opened my eyes to an understanding on a deeper level. I no longer assume malicious or stupidity when someone does something I do not understand. She has brought me a sense of peace where I can now see beyond my own conceptions of life and see the views of other’s thoughts to an extent. Cynicism was a coffin of living death that I had not only built but was slowly designing a mausoleum of cynicism to burry alive any since peace, joy, or hope. Cynicism had become a way of avoiding life. Truly the returning of someone from a state of death while living or at least that of slow decay was the work of an angel of mercy. Where once on sleepless night I only thought of past pain. Now I find my mind drifting to her. While I know I have praised her aesthetics and charm the true reason I find myself thinking of her is because of the kindness and compassion she demonstrated. Anyone can be kind and compassionate to someone who is kind and compassionate too. The reason I compare her to an angel is because it is not of human nature to be those things to someone who has given up hope, become cynical, and all around now longer expects these things. Someone who when they receive them believes an ulterior motive is there. Sometimes you just meet an angel from heaven meant to bring peace to the downtrodden.