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Six Flirting Errors That Could be Hindering Your Relationship Status

By Catherine Wanjiru NdaiPublished 5 months ago 3 min read


Have you ever pondered the reasons behind our inclination to flirt? Well, anthropological research from the Social Issues Research Center reveals that flirting is an intrinsic and vital aspect of human interaction. However, if flirting is instinctive to all of us on some level, why do we sometimes falter in this social dance? If you find yourself seeking guidance to enhance your flirting skills, you're not alone. Much like many other social norms, the dos and don'ts of flirting are often governed by unwritten laws of etiquette that we subconsciously adhere to. With that said, the Social Issues Research Center sheds light on six common flirting mistakes backed by psychology that might be contributing to your single status.

1. Keeping It Cool

Psychology Professor Dr. Aaron Ben-zeev cautions against the common flirting tactic of playing hard to get. While some believe it can enhance one's allure, Dr. Ben-zeev argues that feigning disinterest can harm rather than help your romantic prospects. Pretending not to be interested fosters insecurity and uncertainty in the early stages of a relationship, potentially leading to deception and emotional manipulation. Dr. Ben-zeev also suggests that engaging in such superficial games may attract the wrong kind of person.

2. Waiting too Long

Another prevalent flirting mistake, especially among women, is the reluctance to make the first move. Subtle signals such as prolonged eye contact, smiling, or casual touches may not convey your interest clearly, leaving room for miscommunication. Dating expert and self-help author John Berger advises that if you desire to date someone, taking the initiative rather than waiting around can demonstrate control over your relationships and intentionality in choosing partners.

3. Keeping it Light

Psychologist Dr. James Wadley emphasizes the importance of maintaining a positive and light-hearted attitude while flirting. Bringing pent-up frustrations on a date or during a flirtatious encounter can be a significant turn-off. Dr. Wadley suggests keeping conversations upbeat and optimistic during the initial stages of a potential relationship.

4. Being Negative

In line with the previous point, psychologist Dr. Karen Anderson advises against dwelling too much on the negative aspects of being single. Viewing singlehood as a problem can negatively impact our self-perception and how we present ourselves to others. It may lead to the perception of being too picky or needy, undermining our self-worth.

5. Over Romanticizing

Relationship and well-being psychologist Dr. Amy M. Gordon warns against setting unrealistically high expectations for potential partners. While having standards can be positive, over-romanticizing and having excessively high standards may lead to relationship dissatisfaction. Unrealistic expectations can cause us to overlook great individuals because they cannot live up to the perfect image we have constructed in our minds.

6. Hiding your Heart

The biggest flirting mistake, according to therapist Dr. Jennifer Litner, is hiding your true feelings. While confessing your emotions might be intimidating, never revealing your true self can discourage others from pursuing a deeper connection. Hiding emotions prevents clear communication, which is detrimental when starting a relationship.

If you find yourself resonating with any of these points, take comfort in the fact that flirting is not a skill explicitly taught to everyone, and mistakes are understandable. Awareness of these missteps is crucial in overcoming unconscious barriers to finding love. We should also learn the behaviors or rather the character of that person you are flirting with, so as to make sure you do not turn off him/her with the things they do not like. Share your thoughts on common flirting mistakes or any additional insights in the comments below.


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  • Mwendiyy5 months ago

    Very informative

  • Salman siddique5 months ago

    really nice topic to write on use some keywords like i do to get more reach

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