Single in my twenties and Happy About It

I ended a two-and-a-half-year relationship in the last bit of 2020. I was single for three weeks before that relationship started, when I ended a year long relationship. I’m now twenty-one and single for the first time since I was seventeen. Even before then, I managed to be dating someone short-term around Valentine’s Day every year, since I was fifteen. I think I only got flowers from a guy once in that entire time.

Looking back, I want to grab my past selves by the shoulders, and beat the crap out of them. What. Was. I. Doing? I’ve grown in the years of high school, graduation, college, another graduation (through YouTube, thanks Covid), and I can safely say all that growing was despite of the relationships I was in, but I obviously didn’t know it at the time.

2021 is the year of doing to past relationships what Marie Kondo does to clutter. Thank it for its time in your life, then get rid of it.

The first relationship had problems. We were young, at the end of high school, and then college around the corner. I, like many young women “in love”, turned a blind eye to the obvious red flags. After I ended it, I told myself “Not going to make that mistake again, no sir.”

The second relationship wasn’t as obviously problem riddled. Not until a few months in, and it hit me that I was dating a guy nearly five years older and his parents still gave him gas money, and he didn’t know how to wash his hair properly. My friends tell me now that the only reason they liked the second guy was because I seemed happier than when I was with the first guy. Bar was set pretty low, I’ll admit.

During the second relationship, I was finishing college, I moved twice, and was doing well with savings. I downloaded Tiktok during quarantine and it made me take a second look at my relationship, clearly not my intention when I downloaded it. I saw women my age and older making cute content about the things their significant others do, and I thought wow that looks really nice. It was stuff I already knew about: holding doors open, paying the dinner bill, going on dates, etc. I looked at their relationships, looked at mine, and knew something needed to change or this wasn’t going to go the way we thought. Told the guy “Things have to change. I’m older, you’re older than me, we need to update this, there are new expectations.” He didn’t get it.

I gave him three more months. Nothing changed, he said he didn’t know why he couldn’t do things differently, he just knew he couldn’t.

We considered getting back together, under the assumption he would do everything that needed to be changed. I’d said “Nothing I want changed has to do with you, it’s just your habits.” I think I was just sugar-coating it so he didn’t feel bad. Our whole relationship had been based off us having a ton in common. It worked for the time the relationship started, but it was stale by the end, and I was ready for a “grown-up” relationship, where we have favorite grocery stores in common or something.

For the next relationship, the bar is higher. My friends say I’m now known for setting the bar too low and not knowing it until the relationship is over, hopefully that won’t happen again.

I hated the idea of “being single” when I was in relationships. I hadn’t been single since the boy-crazy seventeen-year-old got into a relationship. I thought I was going to feel the same way I did then. I’m really glad it’s not. It’s the first time I get to think about myself all day and not feel bad about it. There’s no checking in with someone, no adjusting plans, no cooking for someone, cleaning after someone, no getting annoyed at them leaving a towel on the ground. It feels a little similar to leaving a terrible roommate.

I don’t want to come off as a relationship-hater, I’m in no way swearing off dating. But I’m glad to be single at this point in time. I needed it certainly, I needed to remember who I am outside of relationships. For 2021 I want to bike more with a friend I didn’t see often while I was in a relationship, cook more with my preferences in mind, grow the savings account, and spend the money I make on me, myself, and I.

So, for Valentine’s Day this year, I’m going out to dinner with two of my best friends, we’ll watch Twilight afterwards (no Twilight slander here), I’ll make vegan chocolate covered strawberries (the brand Enjoy Life has vegan chocolate), another friend will make a ton of garlic bread, and I can say for myself it will be the best Valentine’s Day I’ve ever had, and I’m doing it while being single in my twenties and Happy About It.