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Signs Your Relationship Is Going Nowhere

by Ossiana Tepfenhart 4 years ago in advice / breakups / list

Are you staying in a relationship that will never end up with a true commitment? How to avoid being strung along.

When we really like someone, it's often human nature to want to get them to be in a committed relationship with you. For the most part, people will know whether or not they want to commit within a matter of weeks or months.

If the person wants to commit and take things further, it's all gravy. But, what happens if the other person is hesitant or unwilling to pursue a relationship? In most situations, a partner that's disinterested will just reject you and tell you that they aren't going to commit.

Then there are some people who will agree to "sort of date" and string that person along until they find someone better. Sadly, this happens to good people for years... and in many cases, they don't realize what's happening until the inevitable breakup occurs.

A person who wants to get married or have a long-term committed relationship needs to watch out for warning signs that it's not headed in that direction and cut their losses. Thankfully, once you know the signs to watch out for, it's easy enough to determine whether or not you need to cut your losses.

These signs are strong indicators that the relationship you're in will go nowhere, or that you're being strung along.

Your partner refuses to discuss marriage or give you a concrete date.

A person who wants to commit will commit, even if it's not actually easy for them to do so. A person who doesn't want to commit but wants to reap the rewards of a relationship will claim to want to commit, but won't actually make any moves in that direction.

Finding out whether or not your partner is willing to marry you starts with actually sitting them down to talk about it. If your partner constantly skirts the issue or gets defensive, they are telling you that they don't want to commit to you - not now, not ever.

Either you or your partner are still keeping an eye out for a better option.

This is tragically common thanks to the modern ailment known as "Fear Of Missing Out," or FOMO. A person who believes that there will be someone better around the corner typically won't commit because they're stuck holding out for a person who will never come.

This issue is insulting on a number of levels. The most obvious insult is that the partner you're with doesn't think you're "good enough" to commit to and that they can do better. To make matters worse, they're choosing an imaginary, potential person over you.

If you notice this problem in your relationship, you need to get angry and leave.

Your partner constantly places their overbearing and opinionated family above you as a priority.

When someone is serious about commitment, they will place their partner on equal footing with their family. The reasoning behind why guys do this is that you will eventually be their wife and start a family with them.

If a guy regularly makes a point to explain that their family's opinions come first and that they have a priority to make their family happy, your relationship is bound to be an uphill battle.

In the vast majority cases, dealing with a guy who says this means that their family won't approve of the relationship regardless of what you do, and will try to pull the two of you apart. Since your partner already told you that they're going to choose their "real family" over you, you already know what will happen.

In other cases, though, they may be using their family as a reason to disrespect you or dump you. Either way, this isn't a family you'd want to marry into, unless you're a total masochist.

Your partner regularly emphasizes how great it is that there's "no marriage talk."

This is a sign that your partner is trying to subtly warn you against broaching the subject of commitment or marriage. By telling you what a wonderful "perk" this is for them, they're making sure that you'd feel bad or awkward trying to ask for what you really want.

Moreover, the signal they're sending can't be misread. A guy who says this is a guy who will never agree to commit to you, and has no qualms about saying it to your face.

It no longer feels like love.

If you've been in a very long term relationship, then you probably know how that "honeymoon love" often will morph into a comforting, happy love that makes you feel like you're at home with the person. This isn't what we're talking about.

A relationship that no longer feels like love is one that feels more like glorified roommates - or worse. It's icy or otherwise just never as intimate as it once used to be.

These kinds of relationship vibes aren't fun, nor are they an indicator that things will get better. People who are in relationships that feel this way often know that the only place they're headed with that person is Splitsville.

Every major milestone in your relationship was one that you pushed for.

Generally speaking, relationships that end in marriage will be ones where both partners are gung-ho about committing to one another. If every single relationship milestone is one that you had to beg, plead, and fight for, then it's a clear indicator that you're way more invested in the relationship than they are.

No one deserves to have to feel like they need to drag someone to the altar or guilt-trip their way into a relationship. If you're doing 90 percent of the legwork in this relationship's evolution, you need to cut your losses. This is a person who will never willingly commit without being forced to do so.

People warn you that he's never going to commit.

In cases where one partner is desperate for commitment to the point that they're a wreck, there's a good chance that friends or family may begin to get involved out of concern for the person. If you regularly hear family members tell you that you need to give up on trying to get your partner to commit, you need to listen to them.

Any complaint or request you have falls on deaf ears.

People often underestimate how important communication really is, especially when it comes to the beginning of the relationship. If any complaint or request you make is steamrolled or met with an eye roll, then you're dealing with someone who is way too into themselves to be with another person happily.

Unfortunately, certain traits are incompatible with love. A person who is so self-centered that they lack empathy will never be able to love you the way you would want them to. Even if they were to commit, there's no saying that a person who behaves this way will ever stay.

Your partner never discusses future plans that include you.

Whether people want to admit it or not, their attitudes towards people often will come out, even if they don't say it outright. If a guy eventually plans on dumping you, you will often know his intentions because he may end up telling you future plans that don't include you in them.

For example, if he's talking about his plans to move to Tokyo and travel the world without mentioning how you'd fit into the equation, it's a sign that he doesn't want you there. If he regularly talks about how he's going to want kids one day and you want to be childfree, your relationship has an expiration date that he knows about.

He has unreasonable demands for every single commitment milestone out there.

Sometimes, guys who know that they don't want to commit to a girl don't want to ruin their chances at reaping benefits of a relationship - or are just too scared of confrontation to admit it. So, what they may do instead is put the burden of walking away on the girl by making insane demands on them if they want to commit.

A good example of this would be the man who wants both he and his partner to be "100% debt-free" with $40,000 in the bank before they get engaged, despite him being $25,000 in debt with a minimum wage job. Even if a girl were to somehow pay off his debts and accrue that money in a savings account, he'd find a way to move the goalpost again before he walked down the aisle.

It's been years and he hasn't bothered trying to talk marriage.

The average engagement happens a year into a couple's relationship, with a typical marriage beginning around two years in. If you two have been together five or six years without any word of marriage, chances are astronomically high that you're being taken for a ride.

Though there are couples who tie the knot after 5-plus years, if he knows how you feel about marriage, there's no reason he should force you to wait that long. Your best bet is to look for someone who's ready to settle down.

You feel like you're being used.

Generally speaking, a person knows when they're being taken advantage of, even if they don't like to admit it. Most people also are aware when they're taking advantage of a person or a situation - but the vast majority won't ever admit to that, either.

If you are sticking around in hopes that he'll change or commit, then chances are high that you may feel like he's taking advantage of the fact that you won't leave him. Similarly, if a guy is taking advantage of the fact that you won't break things off with him, he'll also push to maintain the status quo of you not leaving while he avoids commitment.

If you feel like he's using you as a placeholder or are feeling like you're not getting what you're asking for in a relationship, chances are that you're right.

Ultimatums don't work, nor does crying, yelling, begging, or pleading.

Most people can agree that having to use ultimatums to get commitment is often a low blow. Truthfully, you shouldn't have to use ultimatums or emotional blackmail in order to get the commitment that you want to have from a guy. Ideally, he'd want to commit to you and not have to be "talked into it."

In some cases, a slight guilt trip or an ultimatum can work as a final "kick in the pants" needed to seal the deal. If a guy doesn't respond to ultimatums or guilt-heavy tactics, he's seriously against the idea of committing to you.

Unfortunately, emotional blackmail and ultimatums are basically a "nuclear" option. If he won't say yes to you then, there's no way he'll ever say yes regardless of what happens.

You feel like you're walking on eggshells around him because any mistake you do will push him away.

Most of the time, when this happens, it's an indicator that the relationship's dynamics are very badly unbalanced. You should never feel like you need to jump through a million hoops in order to remain "commitment-worthy" to a person.

This kind of tension doesn't typically happen unless the goals of the two partners are very different. In this case, it tends to indicate that he either wants to control you or wants to leave you, while you either want to control him or marry him.

You find yourself getting increasingly angry and envious of other friends' relationship milestones.

A good indication that you're in a relationship headed nowhere happens when you begin witnessing all of your friends getting married and having kids. Most guys who are serious will notice all the weddings and start talking about taking the next step.

However, guys who aren't serious will play the "blissfully unaware" card and try to gloss over these celebration invitations as much as possible. And, if marriage is a major deal for you, this can make you get increasingly resentful over the entire situation.

If you find yourself ready to explode in rage whenever you overhear a new engagement announcement, you need to rethink your position. It's not your friends' fault that you are still unmarried - it's that lowlife you keep trying to work things out with.


Ossiana Tepfenhart

Ossiana Tepfenhart is a writer based out of New Jersey. This is her work account. She loves gifts and tips, so if you like something, tip her!

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