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Signs He's Not Being Honest With You

It may be a brutal learning process, but you need to be able to recognize signs he's not being honest with you.

By Taylor MarkarianPublished 6 years ago 8 min read

Lack of honesty is one of the biggest reasons people break up. Often, we think of infidelity strictly in terms of an affair, but your partner can also commit emotional infidelity by lying to you. If trust is the foundation of any relationship, then dishonesty is the hammer that cracks it. Sometimes we are able to suspect when our partner is not being truthful, but other times we get completely blindsided. Read up on signs he's not being honest with you so the latter doesn't happen to you.

He's mysterious.

Mystery is attractive—that's a fact. Humans are curious animals, so people that seem mysterious to us are also the most intriguing. You want to know more about this person. You like how they keep you guessing; it's addictive.

Unfortunately, what we like and what's best for us are often not one in the same. Mystery generally doesn't equate to honesty when it comes to dating. Often, people intentionally try to keep themselves ambiguous because they know it will have you wrapped around their finger.

If he's playing games like that, he's not being honest. A truly honest partner would be straightforward and transparent with you, because they're more focused on getting to know you than maintaining their mystique.

His actions and his words don't match up.

One of the most common examples of his words not matching his actions has to do with rate of communication. If you're in the very early stages of dating someone who says he's really into you, but doesn't keep up regular conversation, that's a sign he's not telling the truth.

If he liked you as much as he said he did, he wouldn't wait six hours to respond with a one-word text. One of the best pieces of wisdom I ever got from a therapist regarding this problem is this: "If he's into you, he'll show it to you. You won't have to guess because you'll know."

If he tells you everything you want to hear while you're being intimate, but doesn't match that same level of passion and communication outside of the bedroom, you can bet he's just in it for the booty. This is one of the biggest signs he's not being honest with you.

He's being evasive.

Changing the topic of conversation is a huge red flag when you're searching for truth. It's one of the oldest techniques in the liar's bible. Responding to your question with another question is also an easy way to tell he's trying to avoid being honest.

Don't let this slide! In order to impress upon him the importance of being open and honest with each other, you've got to call him out. Remember that honesty is a direct form of communication. If he's being evasive, he's not being honest.

He doesn't clarify what you are to him.

While a lot of people have hopped aboard the I-don't-like-labels train, it is important to have clearly defined roles in a romantic relationship. Many daters cite definitions and labels as "restrictive" or "pressured," but if you don't establish some, you can get yourself into a whole mess of issues.

For instance, if you are physically and emotionally interested in a guy, you'll want to know if he's dating around or if he's just focusing on you. If he flip flops on his position or if he remains intentionally vague, he's hiding his true intentions from you.

It's subtle, but signs he's not being honest with you often are. Don't let him keep you in this nebulous space; this no man's land. It only allows him more room to be dishonest.

You've seen him lie to other people.

Always keep in mind that you will, 99 percent of the time, not be the exception to the rule. If you've seen him lie to other people, then plan on being the next one to be deceived.

Sure, everyone lies at some point. Telling white lies every once in a while doesn't make you a jerk. However, if you notice that it's somewhat of a habit for him to stretch the truth, then keep your guard up when it comes to your relationship.

Pay attention to how he acts around his friends when he's exaggerating a story; his body language, his facial expressions, his tone of voice. Does he ever display the same behavior to you? If he does, he isn't telling the truth. And once a few lies seep in, it's only a matter of time...

The best lesson you can learn from the movie Little Black Book is neatly bundled into one three-word sentence: "Omissions are betrayals." This is a phrase I have kept in the back of my mind ever since I first started dating. Why? Because sometimes it's not so clear if your partner is lying to you.

The fact is, hiding an important piece of information is the same as telling an outright lie. Suppose he had been engaged once before, but never bothered to tell you. Then, one of his friends or his parents lets the information slip, not realizing that you didn't know.

Now, wouldn't you feel betrayed? Wouldn't you feel like you'd been deceived? You thought you knew him and you thought he was always open and honest with you, but it turns out he's not.

That is one big "for instance," but the general principle is sound. No matter how small the omission, it is still a lie.

He doesn't get into specifics.

One of the easiest to notice signs he's not being honest with you is the amount of detail he is willing to give you. Every couple has certain subjects that are difficult to talk about or that are sore points in the relationship.

If he wants to avoid telling you the complete truth, he won't get into the specifics of whatever it is you're asking about. Take a financial conversation, for example. If you ask how much money he's saving and your partner responds with, "Enough," there's important information he's glossing over.

At first, you may not want to press him because you don't want to annoy or anger him, but after he does this several times you need to confront him about it. When talking finances, talk specific numbers—because those don't lie.

The relationship is moving too quickly.

Pay attention to the pace of your relationship. A guy who is genuinely interested in you will want to take his time. He'll be invested in getting to know you better and learning more about you.

In fact, he may even be the one who wants to delay having sex until your bond is more solidified. In truth, the two most sincere guys I've dated in my life were the ones who wanted to wait. A man who rushes isn't as into you as he says he is; not on an emotional level, anyway.

He's a relationship burnout.

Relationship burnout happens to a lot of couples. The relationship is good for a year, but then he starts slacking off. He's done his job; he's won you over and ended the chase. Guess what? You may not realize it at first, but this is actually one of the signs he's not being honest with you.

Even the best long-term relationships can be boring sometimes—that's just the nature of the beast. However, there is a huge difference between experiencing small ruts every now and then and experiencing a total decline.

After dating you for a while, he might realize that what he thought was love was actually just lust and excitement. Still, because he's comfortable, he'll insist that he loves you just the same even while he's growing more distant.

Part of having an open and honest relationship is being clear about your feelings for each other. It may not be a fun conversation to have, but if your partner is lying to you about his feelings, he's also deceiving himself.

You keep experiencing the same relationship problems.

One of the most annoying things about relationships is when there seems to be an unfixable problem. Your partner does something that bothers you and you point it out to him. You have a conversation about why you don't like it and what should happen instead.

Your partner responds, "OK, I promise I'll fix it" or "I promise I'll try harder." Then the same problem resurfaces two weeks later. The same conversation is had once more, and one month later, there it is again.

Not only does this vicious cycle get in the way of progression in your relationship, but it also tells you that he's not being honest with you. If he says he's willing to work at something and then doesn't, he could be lying about multiple things. For one, he could be lying about his level of interest in you. For another, he's just telling you what you want to hear so you get off his back. This is one of the biggest signs he's not being honest with you, and can ultimately be a total relationship breaker.


About the Creator

Taylor Markarian

"This might be more than a simple conversation." - Underoath

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