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Signs He's a Cheater in the Making

If you know what to look for, you can often spot habitual cheaters a mile away.

By Ossiana TepfenhartPublished 7 years ago 8 min read
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"Once a cheater, always a cheater" is a saying that is often uttered by both friends and relationship experts as a smart rule of thumb to follow when dating. Though it is possible to meet guys who were "one-off" cheaters that now remain loyal to new partners, studies show that the phrase "typically" is correct in most cases.

The fact is that there are many men out there who will cheat regardless of who they're dating. They're called habitual cheaters, and in many cases, they have red flags that come up that hint at what would be in store for the poor woman who dates them seriously.

Sometimes, you can spot these warning signs before he even cheats the first time. Experts are saying that these warning signs will typically show up when you're dealing with a habitual cheater - or a cheater in the making.

His Facebook name doesn't match his government name.

Most people out there use Facebook as a way to have direct contact with people who matter, and to make themselves easily accessible to others. The easiest way to search someone up is to look them up on Facebook.

People who want to hide an aspect of their lives from others will often have a second Facebook page under an alias. Facebook, for the record, is against alias usage and will freeze accounts caught doing this.

If a guy gives you an alias as his Facebook page that doesn't match his government-given name, you have to wonder what he's hiding. The same can be said about names that are given on dating sites and apps - particularly Tinder, which is known for being a cheater's paradise.

He regularly ghosts and reappears.

In a committed relationship, a basic expectation is that you won't suddenly bail on your partner. However, as dating etiquette continues to get worse and worse, ghosting has become increasingly common.

Most experts will tell you that people who ghost never really deserve a second chance because they don't even have the moral fortitude to tell you they aren't interested. If you give them other chances, then you should expect to have them treat you poorly.

Even so, people who ghost and un-ghost also are saying something else about their behavior. If they were loyal, they wouldn't suddenly disappear or be unreachable for days on end.

Most of his friends cheat.

There's a lot of truth about being able to judge a person by the company that they keep. Studies have shown that men who have a lot of friends who cheat are more likely to cheat on their wives, too.

Part of this could be peer pressure and a desire to fit in. Another part of it could be because hanging out with people who do scummy things will often make you feel like it's okay to do similarly terrible things, too.

Either way, if most of the people in his friendship or professional circles fool around on their wives, you probably know what will happen if you date them.

He's scarily popular with the opposite sex.

Now, this isn't always an indicator that a person will be a cheater - but it'd be lying to say that there isn't a correlation between the two. In many cases, cheaters will cheat just because they can.

This red flag is a particularly strong warning if the guy in question never used to get female attention before. For example, a guy who lost 200 pounds and became a male model would be way more likely to cheat than a guy who was always good looking.

Why? Because the newly-hot guy may not know how to handle the attention, or may be so enamored with his newfound attractiveness that he may actually feel that he's "finally getting what he deserved."

He regularly talks about how he "deserves" things because of what he does for a living - or what he did for you earlier.

People who feel like they are entitled to things tend to be much more likely to cheat because of the fact that they may feel like they "did enough" to deserve hall passes.

More often than not, people who have these kinds of entitlement issues tend to see sex and love as transactional in nature. Since they "put in work" or bought you a gift, they assume that it's your turn to give back - even if you don't want to.

This mentality often can be found in business executives who work very long hours while their wives stay at home. When caught, they may say something along the lines of, "I deserve a little fun on the side because of how hard I work."

In the dating phases, women who hear guys talk about how they "deserve a little fun" after buying them dinner should be worried. This is often a sign that he believes that sex should be transactional, and that he's entitled to sex as long as he has money.

He's insecure about his ability to attract women.

One of the most common reasons why men cheat is because they want to know if "they've still got it." Guys who regularly get insecure about their appearance, their ability to attract others, or even their ability to keep their partners happy will often seek out other women as a way to bolster their self-esteems.

Good indicators that your insecure man is a cheater in the making include him fishing for compliments about sex, him being boastful about past conquests in front of you, and him flaunting you like arm candy.

He's been diagnosed with psychopathy, sociopathy, or Narcissistic Personality Disorder.

Though there are a slew of different personality disorders and mental illnesses that tend to have very high rates of infidelity associated with them, these three are perhaps the worst on that list. Why?

Because all three personality disorders are known for desiring control, a dire lack of empathy, and a penchant for thrillseeking. Simply put, these three traits make people much more likely to cheat than normal people.

Cheating aside, dating anyone with any of these three diagnoses is a bad idea. People with these disorders are known for being abusive in relationships - so run if you notice signs indicating that they may have these problems.

If you were to be brutally honest, you're pretty sure he thinks he's better than you.

There are a lot of people out there who feel like they have "settled" in a relationship, or who feel like they've "dated down." This creates a pretty big problem, primarily because people who feel that way typically want to see themselves with someone who they feel would be an equal.

They also may not believe that the partner they're with would dare leave them because they see themselves as so much better. As a result, they don't see any risk in straying to see if they can find a partner they feel is more on their level.

Since they don't believe their partner will leave, and since they may just want to date up, they often will cheat on their partner until they decide it's time to break it off and pursue the "upgrade" fully.

He makes a lot of remarks about women's bodies - or regularly makes misogynistic jokes.

Psychologists can tell you that what a person talks about often will expose their true underlying attitudes on important matters. Guys who tend to focus on women's bodies rather than personalities often don't view women as people.

On a very similar note, guys who tend to make misogynistic jokes may view women as "lesser," or may believe in double standards that may make them feel it's okay for them to cheat - but not if girls do the same to them.

Either way, men who make these kinds of remarks don't show much respect for the opposite sex and tend to show a high level of selfishness. Both of these factors suggest that they'd feel less remorse about cheating, which in turn, increases their chances at becoming cheaters.

He has a reputation for being a serial cheater.

Though there are some rare cases in which it may just be angry exes who carried out smear campaigns on an innocent man, most of the time, people who have reputations for philandering earned them fair and square. If he cheated on the past three girls, he's a habitual cheater.

Don't try to change his ways - because you won't succeed, regardless of what you try.

He has multiple phones - and not many explanations.

Most people who are habitual cheaters already know to use phones known as "jump phones" to hide their affairs from their main partners. A man is a very likely habitual cheater if you notice that he has phones hidden in his car that he never told you about or, if he has two phones but won't allow you to call him on one.

Another potential warning indicator is if you notice that the phone he uses for you isn't a smartphone. Most jump phones are the "disposable" phones that can only be used for calls or texting. This makes it less painful to throw them away if the cheater feels they're about to be caught.

He lies about little things.

People are naturally wired to dislike lying, but what scientists have found is that lying about small things makes it easier for people to lie about bigger issues. This is because our brains can adapt to feeling less guilt about lying rather quickly.

A man who is honest about everything will have a much harder time lying about infidelity than a man who regularly uses little white lies to cover up everything.

He cheated on someone else with you.

It's hard to understand why many women believe that a man who cheated on their main partners with them would be faithful to them. Though there are rare cases in which men may be loyal to their affair partners after leaving their spouses for them, this is statistically extremely unlikely to happen.

Call it karma or call bad judgement, there's serious reason to believe that they'll cheat on you if they cheated with you.

He's addicted to watching adult films.

Adult film addiction is real, and guys who have this addiction often have a need to find bigger and better sexual thrills... both in video and in the bedroom.

The problem with adult film addiction isn't just the fact that it can potentially make men feel bored with the real women their lives, nor is it that it could make it harder for them to reach climax.

The biggest problem it causes is that adult film addiction often leads to real-life sex addiction. There's a reason why sex addiction and porn addiction are often comorbid, after all.

Eventually, guys who are addicted to the insane acts they see in adult films will want something like that in real life - and may go out of their way to get it if their wives aren't up for it.

He's wishy-washy.

Part of resisting the urge to cheat is being able to say no, even when a potential affair partner puts a lot of pressure on them. People who can't say no, when presented with an opportunity, may actually just cheat out of fear of confrontation.

Though these signs can tell you a lot, you still need to go with your gut.

If you feel like you can't trust the person you're dating for one reason or another, you need to go with that feeling. More often than not, our intuitions tell us the truth about a person's intentions better than any studies can.

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About the Creator

Ossiana Tepfenhart

Ossiana Tepfenhart is a writer based out of New Jersey. This is her work account. She loves gifts and tips, so if you like something, tip her!

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