Should You Expect Your Spouse To Change (Is It Right To Expect Your Husband or Wife To Change?)

Statistically speaking, the odds of you finding someone who is exactly what you are looking for are minute... at best. No matter how darling they may be in your eyes, there are bound to be little things the love of your life does that just makes you want to run a million miles away at times. Do you overlook those bad habits, the bad whatever, in order to get the good? Or do you actually try to get rid of those annoying habits, in other words "change" the love of your life?

Making a decision to try to change a person is a huge undertaking because you are, in essence, asking them to go against who they are. And maybe you aren't even giving them a choice, you are just going to go in and bring it all about!

So before you start, one of the most important questions you need to ask yourself, is: why am I trying to change them? Are you doing it to improve them generally, for their own good; or is it for you? Do you have a personal stake in this and, if so, what is it?

Next, ask yourself how bad is the habit or trait you are trying to change? Is it really worth possibly causing trouble in the marriage? If you are trying to get them to stop smoking then there is a clear and undeniable reason behind your motive. It's because you love them and you want them to be healthy and live a long life... right! If, however, you are trying to get them to change how they hold their fork when they eat, then you need to determine how much attention you want to place on this.

Ask yourself how important it is for them to change? Will you care any less for them if they don't change? Will you love them more if they do? Is it a shallow reason that would warrant more of your love? Can you not give them all of your love even if they don't change?

What happens if they are not willing to change? That is, if they get a choice. Is it a deal-killer for you? Can you live with their decision to ignore what you are asking of them? Will you resent them, or do you play the "if you loved me, you would do this for me" card?

The bottom line is you should not ask your spouse to change unless it is something that is going to improve their life... not yours. They might resent the request and even if they do change the habit that is annoying you, they might not be doing it for the right reason. We all have habits our spouse would probably prefer to do without. But maybe it's these little habits, the little things we do that are different to what others do, that also help to define who we are.

The Experts Secrets To Saving Your Marriage

There are articles abounding and books falling off shelves with advice on saving marriages yet more than ever separation and divorce appear to be the norm in our fast paced society and it is not for lack of good advice by the way!

In order for a relationship to not only survive but thrive there are steps couples need to put into place before implementing the experts secrets.

The first step is to abolish the word divorce from your vocabulary. Determine today to cease and desist from making it the topic of your couple conversation. With that mindset you can begin focusing on actions that will point your marriage in a positive direction.

Be careful of throwing this word around as an ultimatum or a threat in the heat of the moment. The incessant use of this word may be taken seriously and before you know it your bluff is called.

Next let us think of the topic of respect. Respect is not just the title of a once popular song.

When couples are first getting to know each they put their best foot forward. Kindness is the virtue that increased your chance of going from date one to date two and so on.

You would be surprised at the results getting back to the basics have when it comes to showing your partner the respect they have come to expect and deserve.

We all know this one, that our spouses are not perfect. This goes back to that honeymoon period when everything he or she did was a source of delight. But you married for better or worse and you must realize this comes with the territory.

Remember, how you liked the way she twirled her hair when nervous or the cute way he cleared his throat when feeling nervous. Now she twirls her hair and you concentrate on her frayed ends and you yell at him to clear his throat in a quieter manner.

When it comes down to brass tacks are those things really that bad? The answer is clearly "no."

Remember when your mom used to tell you that when you point your finger at someone there are four pointing back at you? This is a clever way to remember to keep your criticizing to a minimum. If you don't have something positive and uplifting to say then be quiet.

No one deserves to be put on notice for every little thing they do that you find irritating. We're not advocating keeping your opinion to yourself; however strive to find a way to offer creative or compassionate criticism. A good way to do that is to point out your own flaws first. This can lead to harmony during a casual conversation. And the other person will most likely reciprocate.

Try to put yourself in the others shoes. Realize that men and women handle difficulties in different ways. Make sure you are really listening instead of jumping to conclusions or making judgments without knowing all the facts. Saving your marriage can be as simple as following these common sense techniques. They are the same ones your experts say, just more eloquently.

The experts can only offer you the blueprint and it is up to you and your spouse to read the fine print as you balance out measure for measure which steps will help you save your marriage.

And who is an expert on marriage anyway?

By definition an expert is anyone with a high degree of skill in or knowledge of a certain subject. All of which any couple can become if they take the time and effort to saving their marriage just by using the simply commonsense techniques mentioned above.

Thinking about regaining the status of "Happily Married"? It is possible, and is not difficult if you think it is not. But exactly how you do so? If you would like the source most couples used to revive their relationship, strengthened their marriage, regain trust and love in the marriage and not giving up then visit this Helpful Site.

To learn how to save your marriage alone, then check out this plan of actions that is 100% guaranteed. Over 60,000 couples were able to save their marriages by doing the very same series of steps that you will be doing. If they saved their marriages, then you can too! Click Here to see how it's done…