Shards Of Being: The Finale

Years later.....

JOSEPH

As soon as I opened the window to my old bedroom, the sound of the latest Bachata hit on the radio blasted through the speakers of someone’s car down the block, while the smell of chopped cheese sandwiches and pastelitos blew into my room and captured my attention. I decided a chopped cheese sandwich would have to do as my last New York delicacy before I left for good and headed downstairs to the corner store to buy one.

When I hurried onto the sidewalk after crossing the street, I bumped into someone and turned to apologize. Only to stop myself when I realized it was Carlos. And he also had a girl with him. A girl who was trying very hard to keep her face hidden from me underneath her hoodie.

“You still in the city? I heard you were moving.” Carlos broke the ice first and I shoved my hands into my pockets and shook my head when he offered me some of his joint. It'd been a long time since we has any sort of conversation since the incident with his ex-girlfriend, Kiana. I'd forgotten all about it. However, Carlos decided it was worth holding a grudge over and we haven't spoken much, if at all since. It wasn't my fault. At least that's what I kept telling myself.

I'd been a mess the day after Sophia left. I made a bad judgment call at a party and Kiana just so happened to be at my disposal instead of a joint or a bottle of beer. I made her swear she and Carlos were completely over before I made the mistake of sleeping with her. I should've asked him first to confirm. I should've gone to Texas to see Sophia. I shouldn't have let my feelings for her cloud my common sense to the point of no return. She warned me once. About everything I would feel about her, in her presence, and even without it. Had I listened, it wouldn't have made a difference.

I'd still be in love with her. Just like I have been ever since. And there's no greater madness than living without someone you love beyond reason.

“It’s my last night. Listen, I meant to call, but--”

“Don’t worry about it, bro. I’ve been busy too. Come on, Tara. Say hi,” Carlos instigated the conversation. I sighed heavily when she took off her hood and revealed her face. I should’ve known Carlos wasn’t over what happened between me and Kiana. Not that I cared that he and Tara were hooking up. I held no claim over her. It’s the fact that he thought it would hurt me somehow. Like I gave a shit who he was fucking or not. Kiana and I haven't spoken since that party. We'd both gotten what we wanted that night. She gave up her chase. I did my best to forget how much I missed Sophia in her company.

I was knee deep in booze and weed one night not long after that, when I realized none of it would fill the whole Sophia had left. It was then that I decided to make the whole bigger. I wanted this new space to be better for her. I wanted to be a place she could land her feet on without looking for an escape plan.

If she ever came back that is.

“Have fun with that,” I told him with a short laugh and left them standing on the sidewalk and continued to enter the Bodega. My order was done in less than ten minutes. I paid and walked back out into the late summer breeze and ran into someone else. I quickly apologized and headed across the street to my building. Carlos was across the street, blasting music from the trunk of his car with the rest of the crew I no longer spoke with because of him. They had taken his side when I let my silence speak for itself and I honestly couldn’t care less. I didn’t need friends like that anyway.

Tonight was my last night in the city. Antoine is moving out of our place and moving into a house in the suburbs with his girlfriend. It was time for me to get a fresh start. I was planning on just picking a random city to go to at the airport. It was a reckless idea. But I needed a jumpstart. Something completely brand new to bring me back to life.

After I finished my sandwich, I placed my garbage into the trashcan at the corner and looked up at the stranger who was also throwing out an empty mango flavored beverage from the corner store.

My entire body shook in place when I realized it was Sophia.

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SOPHIA

I wasn't sure what I expected to feel being back in the city. Grief? Overwhelmed by an overload of memories? None of it mattered when I saw Joseph again. I didn't think he'd still be around. Or maybe I was hoping he still was and the universe somehow heard me and made sure he was here tonight, at this corner, right in front of me.

Whatever the reason we were in each other's space again after all this time, I planned on taking advantage of it.

"Joseph." His hands still shook in my presence and I took them and held onto them. Not out of habit this time. Simply because I've had dreams about touching him again for so long, it was an involuntary response. That was the thing about missing someone who lived a million miles away. You had no other choice but to survive on the bread crumbs your imagination left for you at night in order to be close to them.

He was here now. His hands in my hands. His eyes boring into my face. Our bodies barely an inch apart. Two completely opposite planets who had somehow managed to survive a galactic storm of emotions neither of us were prepared for. I couldn't imagine the kind of life he had for himself now. I only hoped I hadn't screwed things up too much for him to close the doors on me for good.

"When did you get back to the city?" he asked as his hand tremors slowly dissipated and he gestured for me to follow along side him. He looked the same. His boyish face would forever be his curse, but his scruff was coming in nicely.

"I'm only here for the night. Had to meet a few clients for a project before heading back home..." I paused and licked my lips before I continued, "...I had to come see if you were still here. To explain why I never called back or answered your texts--"

"You messed me up pretty bad, Sophia. But it wasn't anything you didn't warn me about. I'm okay," he offered as he motioned towards a bench in a park near his building. We were the only ones here. And I'd forgotten how chilly the early autumn breeze was in New York. Joseph offered me his jacket and I settled into it without a second thought while I rested my head against his shoulder.

"It's okay if you're not okay. I wasn't," I confessed as I took in the view of the trees and old buildings before us and smirked as I saw the two sewer rats running after each other across the park.

"You weren't?"

"No," I started and turned up to look at him, "We were...shards in each other's being. Took me a while to figure it out. Even after Nico, and burying myself in work to forget about the world inside the one I had created inside my mind. I hated what I did to you. I hated what I did to Nico a year after that. I lost...alot more people around me because of it."

"I'm sorry to hear that," Joseph added and dipped his hand into my own, holding it in comfort.

"You know that saying that goes 'you have to hit rock bottom...' ?"

"Sounds like you hit yours."

"I used to be everyone's rock bottom. I never wanted to be yours too," I explained and closed my eyes as I inhaled my surroundings and the scent of his aftershave.

"Who says we can't rise to the surface again?" he asked some time after the sun set and the silence between us had finally broken. A single tear fell down my cheek as relief expanded within my lungs.

"I thought you didn't date sad girls?" I teased and his laughter erupted before he pulled me in for a kiss where both lips, and both hearts ignited with endless possibilities.