Self-doubt is creeping into every corner of my world

You know when you're a kid and someone tells you that you can be anything you want when you grow up — and you believe them?

That was me. I mean, not to say I didn't have my fair share of teenaged angst and questioning. Lots of wondering and wandering in my teens and twenties. But I always seemed to be able to bounce back and find some sort of clarity.

2023 shook my confidence in seismic ways. I'll spare everyone the details, but I'll say that I'm beginning 2024 more confused and doubtful than ever.

This is probably not a popular thing to say. The beginning of a new year is supposed to be a hopeful time. I see so many people in optimistic good spirits. There are resolutions to be made, parties to be celebrated, drinks to be had.

But in all honesty, these last three weeks have been some of the hardest of my life. It's been a constant internal battle of feeling like I'm absolutely not where I'm supposed to be. Not that I believe in some pre-determined, normative timeline for my life. I can welcome the idea of surprise and innovation and flexibility. But as January trudges on, I've been feeling like I'm walking in quicksand. Each step is heavy, and when I do make a decision, I question it.

Self-doubt is creeping into every corner of my world, and I don't know how to right the course. Anyone else?

Objectively, I know that no one has all the answers. Lots of people doubt. And sometimes I'm able to get that messaging through to myself. But most often, I feel stuck in a perpetual loop, going through the motions of my life without feeling much purpose and feeling like I absolutely don't know how to do anything right.

I'm sharing my story on here because I imagine I'm not alone in this. Maybe you're going through this, too. If that's the case, I can share a couple of things that help me (even just temporarily).

1. Journaling. I know, cliché. But for me, it works. Even writing this piece feels like a form of catharsis. And it helps focus my thoughts, too. Here's a journal that I use. It might help you, too.

2. Spending time around people who know me. I'm lucky to have a supportive community of people around me. Spending time with them has given me an immense reprieve from an endless cycle of empty, sometimes mean, thoughts. They remind me to be compassionate to myself.

3. Spending time around people who don't know me. There's something to be said about being in the company of strangers, or being a part of the rhythm of an external community. For me, this looks like going for walks around town, people watching a little bit. It helps me to put things into perspective. Life's so much bigger than just me.

4. Finding healthy distractions. Binge-watching the new season of Stranger Things isn't necessarily a bad distraction. Just not in excess.

5. Affirming myself. When self-doubt creeps in, which is always, I try little affirmations. Acknowledging little wins goes a long way.

"You cooked an excellent veggie stir-fry yesterday."

"That client at work totally appreciated your email signature."

"Remember when you let that old man cut in front of you in the grocery line? That was nice of you."

6. Reminding myself that no one has it all figured out. This one is key. I may question everything I do and I may wonder each day if I'm where I'm supposed to be. But the truth of the matter is — no one has it all figured out. Everyone has moments of doubt. No one really knows if they're where they're supposed to be.

And in all reality, there's no such thing as where someone is "supposed" to be.

That, I guess, is the awe and the anguish of life.