Season, Reason, Lifetime

After a day spent sizzling in the Grecian sunshine my friends and I are dancing around in our undies, lathered in aftersun, preparing for the night ahead. It was here that I first relayed to them one of my mama's best pearls of wisdom: ‘People are with you for a reasonson or a lifetime. It’s been a favourite ever since.

My ‘little black dress’, if you will, when it comes to discussing love and loss.

Season, reason, lifetime. A way to categorise each and every individual encountered in life. Of course these categories are not finite, they are interchangeable, overlapping and often hard to distinguish. Although the system is flawed, the concept behind it is one I have found immensely helpful over the years when navigating relationships. There’s a level of comfort in understanding another person’s role within your life, accepting that impermanence is too often inevitable and yet not letting that detract from the way in which that relationship enriched you.

The secondary school group that grew apart, the workplace freindships that blossomed through circumstance, the faces of strangers with whom you spent a summer, that now exist only in hazy memories. These are seasonal relationships. When in the midst of these relationships you are not acutely aware of their seasonality but with hindsight it becomes clear. These relationships are easy, uncomplicated, convenient and yet their shallowness does not degrade them. The enjoyment of one another's company is elevated by the safety of superficiality. They leave behind fond memories, glossy and untainted. Seasonal acquaintances are harmless.

I am undecided in my opinions on fate and yet there are some people I have stumbled across in life who I now know were undeniably there for a reason. Or rather, if one does believe in fate, I did not stumble at all. The problem with these lesson-bearing individuals, in my experience at least, is that their lessons have to be learnt the hard way. In the company of these people I have discovered layers to myself that I was previously unaware of, not all of them are desirable. I continue to learn my worth and therefore understand the significant power I hold to do both bad and good. Holding yourself accountable for either is uncomfortable but necessary growth.

I once read something surrounding the theory of a ‘soul mate’, in essence the belief was that a soul mate is not someone who harmoniously slots into your life and remains there forever but instead someone sent to give you a sharp, blunt awakening. Their role is to tear apart everything in order to force you to rebuild better. Dramatic I know, but it’s a narrative I have seen unravel in my own life.

A season and a reason, one so blissfully ignorant the other heartbreakingly intimate but what binds them is their affiliation with fleetingness.

Thankfully, impermanence is not always inevitable. Of course there is no way to tell for sure, but there are certain people in my life who I have a gut feeling are here to stay. The lifetime companions. These relationships are not always easy, in fact I think they are often defined by their complexity. Those relationships which you are willing and able to struggle through without ever feeling as though you’re truly struggling. I reconnected with someone recently who I always assumed would be a lifetime acquaintance. Our relationship is imperfect and complex but what I distinctly realised upon reconnecting, my soul feels content around them. So maybe that is what a soul mate is after all, maybe it’s not just about passion and destruction and existential lessons but in fact finding another muddled little soul who’s jagged edges happen to align rather well with your own and, if you’re lucky, they might just rest there for a lifetime.

Ultimately this mentality is about evaluation, assessing and staying aware of who we have around us. When we’re in the midst of relationships we never really know how it will categorise itself, season, reason or lifetime. It’s difficult to stop oneself from drowning in the analysis of it all. If this is seasonal, what is the point? If they are here for a reason, what if I am reluctant to learn? It is an innate defense mechanism to distance oneself from someone who’s departure you know will ultimately cause you pain.Often we’d like to have the omniscience to peek ahead, not give everything to each relationship to save ourselves the confusion, the expelled energy and the heartbreak.

But upon evaluation is that really so? As always, these things are best left in the hands of the Universe. Too much resistance and evaluation means you miss what’s right in front of you and then, what would happen to all the messy lessons we get taught along the way?